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I remember that quote, surely it’s the most bizarre description of a footballers abilities ever made by a manager!

I think I’m man of the match, just left a really nice club playing uplifting house without anyone gurning and looking threatening. Madrid’s a great town, it’s got sophistication and no pick pockets or Nigerian brass on your case like you get in barcelona. It’s 6.10am and I’m gurning...

I thought the view was ok, I’m still out, just left a dance music club. 6.10am. I like this city, it’s got class. Impeccably clean streets, no pick pockets or fat Nigerian prossies. It a good gaff

I remember seeing him at West Brom on Boxing Day 2000ish and loads of people were in fancy dress. He had a suit, a trilby and shades on and the rest of him was covered in bandages! He’d come as the invisible man, fantastic! Obviously he was banned at the time as usual and the spotters sussed him...

Will we get beer in the ground?

I don’t know what you’re talking about our kid.

I get by with a little from my friends, oh I get high with a little help from my friends, gonna try with a little help from my friends...and one on here has helped me. A little creativity with the name on the ticket should suffice, as others have said they’d need a magnifying glass to see the...

I remember it well, I was in the Main stand where my season ticket was, we were brilliant going forward with that four pronged attack under Brian Horton. I used to see him regularly In my local at the time, The Hesketh in Cheadle Hulme.

I can’t find any on there either IOW Blue

Buy

I’m not sure, my plan was to get a Spaniard to but me and my pal one from one of those small booths they have dotted round the town but apparently they’ve sold out so I’m not sure what to do. Does anyone know if they have touts operating in a particular area?

Does anyone know if you can buy tickets from the booths dotted round the city on match day for the home end? Or if it’s likely to be sold out before match day? We don’t fly into Madrid until 11.25pm on the Tuesday so will have to buy them on match day morning

People who’ve visited Phu Quoc are saying it’s lovely but would be boring for two weeks. I’m a golfer and am taking my clubs so I’ll be playing at the course next door every other day and doing some diving, site seeing and general chilling by the pool. The weather looks good and the hotel’s five...

I agree with Gabriel, I think if real intent is shown in the transfer market this summer that will be a big indicator that he’s going to stay longer. Let’s hope he does so he can shove klipperties pearly whites where the sun don’t shine!

We’re off to Phu Quoc a week on Tuesday for two weeks. Any advice about things to see and do there?

The Tottenham game was the one for me last year, what’s the point in celebrating a goal when it could well be disallowed five minutes later. It seems that agendas can be delivered, Llorente handling, our offside in the last minute and VAR is definitely ruining football. I’m well and truly pissed...

Spike, I hope you’re well. Have you got any space left please?

I was in that bar in Brussels when those mongs from Hattersley set the fire alarm off. We all ended up covered in white powder it was mental! It was a great trip. When we were walking across the main square to the match the empty cans and bottles were up to our calves and we had to wade through...

I despise the murderers more than I do The rags. I’m sick of their, ‘we’re innocent’ bullshit that we’ve had to listen to for thirty years. I hope the rags do them on Sunday, though I can’t see it and we hunt them down for the rest of the season. Surely their outrageous good luck will end soon...

I think he’ll be offered the job when Pep goes. He comes across as an intelligent man and the thinking is it will be a seamless transition from one to the other. The only issue for me is how he reacts if things don’t go well, but that’ll be part of his learning curve. For me, he’s the man for...