1000 Posts by 12 O'Clock Saturday...

Choose to support a club from a city you've never been to.

Choose to wear shit grey shirts and then blame them when Southampton stuff you.

Choose your own Referee and assistants.

Choose to forget 1969 to 1993 ever existed.

Choose not knowing the history of your club.

Choose Busby the Blue.

Choose Dennis Law’s backheel.

Choose Sir Bobby the Ticket Tout.

Choose staging the World Cup in '66 and being handed a huge sum from the FA to develop your stadium but continue to bang on about City’s ground.

Choose opening the gates at Old Trafford in the 60's after kick-off to let people in for free.

Choose forgetting you went 41 years without winning a trophy.

Choose your highest ever attendance being at Maine Road.

Choose that attendance still being lower than City's.

Choose United’s globalism and domination since the late '90s whilst forgetting the past.

Choose an air disaster as a marketing tool.

Choose forgetting about the survivors of Munich and kicking them out of their houses (which you owned) because they could no longer play football.

Choose waiting 22 years to set up a charity match for the families of the Munich disaster.

Choose milking Munich for 50 years and then getting beat by "Ickle City" on your own soil.

Choose asking AIG to sponsor the Munich memorial.

Choose having statues of two ex-City players outside your ground.

Choose being so obsessed with City that you have a permanent banner dedicated to us on the Stretford End.

Choose paying £28 million for Veron.

Choose 19,000 fans at Old Trafford to watch you play Middlesbrough when you were in Division One but pretend you have loyal support.

Choose the have-to-go-to-all-cup-games-because-you're-forced-to season ticket policy.

Choose the USA.

Choose debt.

Choose pricing out your own fans in favour of corporate Londoners.

Choose having your own manager and players criticise your fans.

Choose prawn sandwiches.

Choose not being able to stand.

Choose being outsung by 3,000 travelling away fans each game.

Choose having Mick Hucknall and Eamon Holmes as your celebrity fans.

Choose FC United…if they become successful.

Choose to whinge all summer about clubs tapping up your best player while you're busy tapping up Berbatov.

Choose to kidnap Berbatov at the airport while not even having permission to speak to him and then pay over £30 Million for the lazy arrogant wanker.

Choose to buy Alan Smith as a forward, then when found out to be shit put him in midfield and call Fergie a "genius" and call Smith the "new Roy Keane".

Choose to go after Batistuta for 5 years and him still wanting nothing to do with you.

Choose one of your "fans" demonstrating about "No yanks" in a New York Yankees baseball cap.

Choose to complain about a fixture pile-up but go to Asia in your time off.

Choose to cheat.

Choose to agree to the "Respect" campaign but pay no attention to it when you don't get the throw-in you want.

Choose 10 Goalkeepers in an attempt to replace Peter Schmichael.

Choose to sing songs about hating Scousers and pretend granny shagger Rooney isn't one himself.

Choose your best player wanting to play for Real Madrid but claim its all "paper talk".

Choose to have your players "injured" for mid-week England matches yet play 90 minutes the following Saturday.

Choose to complain about away games after Champions League games dispite one of them being "away" in Manchester.

Choose to mock Leeds fans about events in Istanbul.

Choose to see Munich as some kind of holy festival but laugh and mock Hillsborough at every opportunity whilst chanting "96 was not enough".

Choose to make airplane signs towards City fans on Derby matches.

Choose to be the only club in the country where every corner you win results in half the fans in the ground becoming a photographer.

Choose to "watch" United in the pub with your back to the screen, cheer like fuck when they score, then ask someone "who scored that"?

Choose to be the wanker no fan of any other club wants to speak to on holiday.

Choose United so you can buy tacky fake merchandise on the Market.

Choose the FA.

Choose to get away with everything.

Choose Old Trafford not actually being in Manchester.

Choose to be-little the Carling Cup until you win it then run around the with it like it's the crown jewels.

Choose to tell everyone about a great youth system that hasn't actually produced a regular1st team player in 10 years.

Choose a Manager who throws reporters out if they have the cheek to ask a question he his not comfortable answering.

Choose Mark Bosnich.

Choose Kleberson.

Choose Djemba-Djemba.

Choose Jordi Cruyff.

Choose Forlan.

Choose Veron.

Choose Taibi.

Choose to tap Owen Hargreaves up for 18 months then find out he can't walk.

Choose Barthez.

Choose Karel Poborski.

Choose Jesper Blomquist.

Choose Roy Carroll.

Choose to call the Manager that bought all these players in "great".

Choose to idolise an unsporting drunk and cringingly call him "Sir".

Choose to buy Britain's most expensive defender then moan that Chelsea have "bought" the league title.

Choose hypocrisy.

Choose to like Gary Neville.

Choose United.
 
2 man Utd fans walked past a shop and saw the sign- Shirts 50p Trousers £1.

One said 'great value! lets buy some.'

Other says 'don't let them know we're Man u fans or they'll try to rip us off.' So they hide their scarves.

They entered shop and asked for 6 shirts each & 6 pairs of trousers each.

The assistant asked "are you Man u fans" to which they replied "yes".

He said 'bugger off this is a launderette.'
 
Good luck today everybody, hope everyone stays safe.

Just put SSN on, Mike is on great form about the derby!
 
A Jew, a Hindu, and a Man United fan

One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a Man United fan all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share.

The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge.

They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he'd sleep in the barn.

The Hindu and the United fan were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on the door.

It was the Jew. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."

"No problem," said the Hindu. "I'll sleep out there instead." So off he went to the barn, leaving the United fan and the Jew to share the room.

They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door.

It was the Hindu. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."

The United fan grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room.

The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door.

It was the cow and the pig.<br /><br />-- Sat Apr 17, 2010 7:21 am --<br /><br />Brass Rat

A Bloke walks into a bric-a-brac shop and sees an ornamental brass rat, the sort of thing women of a certain age love to put on the mantlepiece. He thinks "that'll be perfect for his Mother's birthday", so he asks the shopkeeper how much it is.

"£25 for the rat, £100 for the story", replies the man.

"Forget the story" says the bloke, and so buys the rat for 25 quid. He walks off down the road, but has not gone 30 yards when a rat comes up from the gutter and starts to follow him. Soon more arrive, and in a few minutes the whole street is a sea of rats, all following the bloke, who keeps walking until he comes to a cliff. He throws the brass rat over, and millions of rats follow, one after each other, plunging to certain death. The bloke them runs back to shop.....

"Aaaah", says the shop keeper, "you'll be back for the story"

"Screw the story - do you have a brass Man Utd fan?"
 
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