Alan can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Alan has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Alan can slam shut a revolving door.
Alan can punch a horse to the ground.
Alan will make you understand Dr. Pepper.
Alan counted to infinity... twice!
Alan pointed his finger at a plane and said 'bang' and it fell down.
Alan once got 4 hole in ones in 1 round of golf
Alan once kicked a baby elephant into puberty
If you have five pounds and Alan has five pounds, Alans has more money than you.
Alan sleeps with a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Alan
Alan can touch MC Hammer.
Alan only masturbates to pictures of Alan.
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, Alan beats everything.
Alan destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise
Alan can hear light
Superman wears Alan underpants.
Alan can unscramble an egg.
Alan can gargle peanut butter
Alan can kill two stones with one bird.
Alan can believe its not butter
Alan took away marys virginity
Alan once sh*t on a birds head
Alan once beat up superman
Alan can boil water with his mind
Alan can piss around corners
Alan can eat a fruit pastel without chewing it
Alan shot the deputy
Alan built rome in 1 day
Alan has his face on the moon
Alan can stun a gun
Alan know's where osama bin laden is he just doesn't wanna tell us.
Alan once closed a black hole
Alan can kid a kidder
Alan ordered a big mac at berger king....and got one
Alan can build a snowman out of rain
Alan makes onions cry
Alan can bullshit a bullshitter
Alan shot JFK from both the grassy noll and the book depository (AT THE SAME TIME)
Alan once shit a hammer
Alan will do the fandango
Alan can circle his lower leg anticlockwise while air writing number two.
Alan is Spartacus
Alan can touch mc hammer
Alan played russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won
Alan calender goes from march 31st to april 2nd because nobody fools berti
Alan can recite the chinese national anthem in 46 different dialects
Alan is the jolly green giant
Alan once sneezed so hard he broke the ozone layer
Alan keeps tom cruise in his back pocket to bring out at parties
Mickey Mouse wears a Alan watch
