Amazing Dog

[City_Shirts]

A guy sees a sign in front of a house in Luton: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.
"Sure do." the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the MI5 about my gift and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten quid."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"


"Cause he's a fucking liar. He's never done any of that stuff"

 

[Televators]

I thought that was quite good.

You're obviously not 'in' with the in-crowd sonny.

 

[Bigga]

A guy sees a sign in front of a house in Luton: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks.
"Sure do." the dog replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the MI5 about my gift and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

The owner says, "Ten quid."

The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"


"Cause he's a fucking liar. He's never done any of that stuff"

PMSL!!!

Funny as fook, that!

 

[johnny on the spot]

Now that's a joke. Brilliant.

 

[simonk]

top drawer. Tears in my eyes

 

[bluemoon27]

Have you seen wayne rooneys new haircut,they say it was a misunderstanding when playboy offered colleen a million pound to shave her twat

 

[simonk]

3 legged dog walks into a saloon, and says "im lookin for the man who shot my paw"

 

[blumoon]

Tesco installed a medical machine that for £5 pound and urine sample,would diagnose any condition.When Jim went with a sore elbow, the computer printout read "You have tennis elbow.Soak it in warm water for 2 weeks".


Impressed Jim wondered if he could fool the machine.He mixed tap water with dog poo,urine samples from his wife and daughter and then pleasured himself into the mixture.When he tipped it into the machine the next day the printout read "1.Your tapwater is too hard use softener.
2.Your dog has ringworm,give it some antibiotics.
3.Your daughter is on cocaine,get her to rehab.
4.Your wife is expecting twins-not yours-get yourself a lawyer.
5.If you keep playing with yourself,your elbow wont get any better!
Thank you for shopping at Tesco.