Anthony Burns RIP dad... bereavement question? Is it normal not to cry.

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Kinkladze's crazy skills

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I've been quiet about this but my dad:
Anthony "Burnie" Burns died aged 67 on the 14th of June 2025 at 11am... RIP Dad.
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He's not having a funeral he didn't want to have one and to stop that even paid for his own cremation we're just gonna celebrate him, we're meant to be getting his ashes back on Friday before scattering them on Saturday with family and friends then off to a pub for a bit.

My question is I've still not cried yet and I honestly don't know why, it's really bothering me as I'd convinced myself I'd be a mess when he died, maybe there's a little denial going on but then again I know it certainly feels real and serious.
Have any of you unexpectedly failed to cry at the loss of a loved one?

He was 67 my dad and had been dealing with multiple health issues including heart failure, diabetes, peripheral neuropathy plus others for over the last few years.
He had limb ischemia and sepsis in the end while in hospital and he needed his legs urgently amputating, unfortunately though he just wasn't well enough to have the operation and slipped away to the great Kippax Stand in the sky

He was a proper rum fucker my dad with a punk outlook said things how he saw them which lead to fallouts, if he thought your views were bobbins or out of order he'd call you out he was a proper character, he was also a joker though a truly funny man who honestly had the greatest laugh you'd ever hear.

He sadly had a drink problem in that he just enjoyed it far too much, his grandkids and City along with his drinking and music are what mattered most.
He had his demons but I wish I was more like him in the way he didn't give a damn what others thought, he helped mould me into the man I am now and was good at heart, I'm certain that without him I'd probably be a wrongun/criminal or even worse maybe an angin rag.

I used to go to his every week for a couple days to look after him help with the shopping or owt else he needed doing, born in 1957 he went St.Marks school and went by Bernie and Two Pint Tony when he went to pubs such as the bluebell in the 90s.
He moved to Bolton in the year 2000 to look after my Nan after she moved there and never came back to Manchester, other than City and his music he was really into his darts (playing it) cricket and golf.

Never met a more common as muck down to earth person in my life, he was very punk in attitude gave zero fucks what anyone thought of him, he taught me to mostly be the same and I do try my best to go on my own path.
I'm blessed to have had him in my life and I'm gutted I won't be spending more time with him, missing those days already big time this was me and him when we won the treble...
Photoroom-20250614_155705.png

Funnily enough I actually cried that night for the first time in close to a decade and even posted that I wasn't ashamed of it on the post match thread, the tears wasn't just for us winning but because my Dad should've actually died a month earlier than that and we got to see this together.

Because of that fact even though I was there for many of our trophy wins in since the takeover, this night with my Dad meant more to me than everything else I could've gone to Istanbul for that final but didn't, just so that I could watch us finalise that treble win with the legend that is my Dad.

Maybe it's because he hung on a lot longer than expected and has been in hospital for extended stays over the last few years, still though I don't understand why I haven't cried there's been days I've zoned out since, there's been no tears though and I'm not sure there will be it's been incredibly stressful at times but no tears.
 
My mum passed five years ago and I've still not had a proper cry. We deal with these things differently mate.

As my therapist said, "why do you think you should be crying?" told her because that's what people on films do and we're told that's what you do when someone dies. Incorrect and it doesn't mean there's anything weird about you or you're not hurting if you don't cry.

All the best mate and PM if you ever need a chat
 
Every emotional reaction to grief is different which means every emotional reaction to grief is normal.

Don't worry. You'll either cry about it one day or you won't. It's not a competition.

Sorry for what you're going through. 67 is no age. My dad's only 65 himself. Our parents deserve longer.
 
Sorry for your loss. I didn’t shed a tear when either of my parents died or at the funerals. It will probably come at a moment when you are least expecting it. No doubt when you are having a moment alone. We aren’t all built for public displays of emotion. Grieving can be an odd experience, especially if you aren’t an outwardly emotional person.
 
People react differently to grief and that's what you are doing, all I can say is give it time there isn't a right way or a wrong way to grieve.

Can I just say that I am genuinely sorry for your loss and wish you well, another blue gone to the great kippax in the sky.
 
When my dad past away it took me nearly 3 years to get over it. We were very close. My older brother past away at 49 a few years later and although it was horrible, I was better prepared and took it much better. My mum passed away in 2021 and I was again more used to family dying at that point. It helped that she was suffering with Alzheimer's and I felt she had suffered enough, so it was more of a blessing. I think another thing is that I have gone from an atheist naturalist to an Eastern Orthodox Christian over the past 13 years, and so my outlook has changed radically I guess.

Grief can come at strange times. It not always instant. There's no set way of dealing with it or how it arises. Its different for everyone. Also it looks like you had a good relationship with your dad, and that can be the thing that you can look back on with pride and gratitude. I know so many people who had bad relationships with their parents and they grieve that it was never resolved, or they didn't get a chance to say the things they felt they could have before that parent passed away.
 
Kinkladze's crazy skills said:
I've been quiet about this but my dad:
Anthony "Burnie" Burns died aged 67 on the 14th of June 2025 at 11am... RIP Dad.
View attachment 163913
View attachment 163912
View attachment 163911

He's not having a funeral he didn't want to have one and to stop that even paid for his own cremation we're just gonna celebrate him, we're meant to be getting his ashes back on Friday before scattering them on Saturday with family and friends then off to a pub for a bit.

My question is I've still not cried yet and I honestly don't know why, it's really bothering me as I'd convinced myself I'd be a mess when he died, maybe there's a little denial going on but then again I know it certainly feels real and serious.
Have any of you unexpectedly failed to cry at the loss of a loved one?

He was 67 my dad and had been dealing with multiple health issues including heart failure, diabetes, peripheral neuropathy plus others for over the last few years.
He had limb ischemia and sepsis in the end while in hospital and he needed his legs urgently amputating, unfortunately though he just wasn't well enough to have the operation and slipped away to the great Kippax Stand in the sky

He was a proper rum fucker my dad with a punk outlook said things how he saw them which lead to fallouts, if he thought your views were bobbins or out of order he'd call you out he was a proper character, he was also a joker though a truly funny man who honestly had the greatest laugh you'd ever hear.

He sadly had a drink problem in that he just enjoyed it far too much, his grandkids and City along with his drinking and music are what mattered most.
He had his demons but I wish I was more like him in the way he didn't give a damn what others thought, he helped mould me into the man I am now and was good at heart, I'm certain that without him I'd probably be a wrongun/criminal or even worse maybe an angin rag.

I used to go to his every week for a couple days to look after him help with the shopping or owt else he needed doing, born in 1957 he went St.Marks school and went by Bernie and Two Pint Tony when he went to pubs such as the bluebell in the 90s.
He moved to Bolton in the year 2000 to look after my Nan after she moved there and never came back to Manchester, other than City and his music he was really into his darts (playing it) cricket and golf.

Never met a more common as muck down to earth person in my life, he was very punk in attitude gave zero fucks what anyone thought of him, he taught me to mostly be the same and I do try my best to go on my own path.
I'm blessed to have had him in my life and I'm gutted I won't be spending more time with him, missing those days already big time this was me and him when we won the treble...
View attachment 163910

Funnily enough I actually cried that night for the first time in close to a decade and even posted that I wasn't ashamed of it on the post match thread, the tears wasn't just for us winning but because my Dad should've actually died a month earlier than that and we got to see this together.

Because of that fact even though I was there for many of our trophy wins in since the takeover, this night with my Dad meant more to me than everything else I could've gone to Istanbul for that final but didn't, just so that I could watch us finalise that treble win with the legend that is my Dad.

Maybe it's because he hung on a lot longer than expected and has been in hospital for extended stays over the last few years, still though I don't understand why I haven't cried there's been days I've zoned out since, there's been no tears though and I'm not sure there will be it's been incredibly stressful at times but no tears.
Click to expand...
Sorry for your loss mate. RIP ‘Burnie’.
There are many stages of grief and we all experience them differently. I never cried when my dad died 32 yrs ago, though I miss him terribly and still grieve for him even now. Yet when my younger brother died I cried for days on end; and still do when the ‘moment’ hits me. Don’t beat yourself up about it, he sounds like he was a great bloke.
 
My deepest condolences, mate.

Grief affects us all in different ways; there is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Since Mrs Vienna died, it has only taken the slightest thing to start me off in a flood of tears. But, that doesn’t mean that you should be doing anything like that. And equally, it wouldn’t be wrong if you were.

Grieve in your own way, and don’t worry whether you’re doing it right or wrong.

R. I. P. to your dad.
 
Kinkladze's crazy skills said:
I've been quiet about this but my dad:
Anthony "Burnie" Burns died aged 67 on the 14th of June 2025 at 11am... RIP Dad.
View attachment 163913
View attachment 163912
View attachment 163911

He's not having a funeral he didn't want to have one and to stop that even paid for his own cremation we're just gonna celebrate him, we're meant to be getting his ashes back on Friday before scattering them on Saturday with family and friends then off to a pub for a bit.

My question is I've still not cried yet and I honestly don't know why, it's really bothering me as I'd convinced myself I'd be a mess when he died, maybe there's a little denial going on but then again I know it certainly feels real and serious.
Have any of you unexpectedly failed to cry at the loss of a loved one?

He was 67 my dad and had been dealing with multiple health issues including heart failure, diabetes, peripheral neuropathy plus others for over the last few years.
He had limb ischemia and sepsis in the end while in hospital and he needed his legs urgently amputating, unfortunately though he just wasn't well enough to have the operation and slipped away to the great Kippax Stand in the sky

He was a proper rum fucker my dad with a punk outlook said things how he saw them which lead to fallouts, if he thought your views were bobbins or out of order he'd call you out he was a proper character, he was also a joker though a truly funny man who honestly had the greatest laugh you'd ever hear.

He sadly had a drink problem in that he just enjoyed it far too much, his grandkids and City along with his drinking and music are what mattered most.
He had his demons but I wish I was more like him in the way he didn't give a damn what others thought, he helped mould me into the man I am now and was good at heart, I'm certain that without him I'd probably be a wrongun/criminal or even worse maybe an angin rag.

I used to go to his every week for a couple days to look after him help with the shopping or owt else he needed doing, born in 1957 he went St.Marks school and went by Bernie and Two Pint Tony when he went to pubs such as the bluebell in the 90s.
He moved to Bolton in the year 2000 to look after my Nan after she moved there and never came back to Manchester, other than City and his music he was really into his darts (playing it) cricket and golf.

Never met a more common as muck down to earth person in my life, he was very punk in attitude gave zero fucks what anyone thought of him, he taught me to mostly be the same and I do try my best to go on my own path.
I'm blessed to have had him in my life and I'm gutted I won't be spending more time with him, missing those days already big time this was me and him when we won the treble...
View attachment 163910

Funnily enough I actually cried that night for the first time in close to a decade and even posted that I wasn't ashamed of it on the post match thread, the tears wasn't just for us winning but because my Dad should've actually died a month earlier than that and we got to see this together.

Because of that fact even though I was there for many of our trophy wins in since the takeover, this night with my Dad meant more to me than everything else I could've gone to Istanbul for that final but didn't, just so that I could watch us finalise that treble win with the legend that is my Dad.

Maybe it's because he hung on a lot longer than expected and has been in hospital for extended stays over the last few years, still though I don't understand why I haven't cried there's been days I've zoned out since, there's been no tears though and I'm not sure there will be it's been incredibly stressful at times but no tears.
Click to expand...
Condolences mate..67 is no age..grief is a strange thing ..it hits you at any moment and it's random.
Stay strong
 
Sorry for your loss. As others have said there is no standard reaction to loss. One day it might hit you - maybe when you are doing something that you did many times with your dad - or it might not. After my mum died I was very busy with work, young family etc. and it was a couple of months later that the grief really hit. I was working during the week in that London for a couple of months. I was alright during the day whilst working but it hit me every evening often as I was standing on a tube platform getting a train back to my hotel.
 
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