Best Man speech - jokes welcome.

[ChrisNUFC]

As the title says I have to deliver a best man speech this coming Saturday. Now i have the main structure of the speech sorted i just feel it is a little short on laughs (which given my posting 'style' on here may not come as a huge shock)

So where better to come for some inspiration than the funniest place on the internet?

So bluemoon what say you? Any jokes will be welcome however i should stress that any used will NOT result in a royalty fee being paid.

 

[stony]

Tell them the groom is planning his honeymoon breakfast already. Full English for him and a lettuce leaf and slice of cucumber for her, because he wants to find out if she eats like a rabbit too.

 

[Blue and Proud]

"I must say i'm a very nervous about making this speech. So much so in fact, that it's not the first time today I've got up from a warm seat with a piece of paper in my hand"

 

[honkytonkman187]

"(groom) was an ugly kid - his mother fed him by catapult"

"we have pictures of groom on our mantlepiece at home to keep the kids away from the fire"

 

[WEMBLEY76]

The bride and groom are expecting the patter of tiny feet (shock from the audience) then say they are buying a puppy....

 

[oldhamblue]

"I didn't know they were having the honeymoon in Wales but the grooms just told me he's going to Bangor all weekend"

 

[Ant]

its good to see that its true love pure and simple , ......pause.....shes very pure and hes very simple.... it worked for me ... but dont mention the hooker!!

 

[markyboyblue]

Recently went to a mates wedding, he,s a Newcastle fan and his best man is a particularly annoying red. The speech was the worst ever, he started by reeling off all the Newcastle managers who,d been and gone since Slur Alex took over then talked mostly about himself. It was proper embarrassing, he got his cards mixed up then forgot where he was upto and for some reason started talking about paedos. It was so funny watching the red twat squirm. He went home early.

 

[its a Barm]

You need to start with giving everbody a laugh so try having two pieces of paper in your jacket pull one out and open it and read aloud welcome my fellow members of the gay and lesbien society them quickly say sorry wrong speach thats for next week then get your best mans speach out, worked great for me.

 

[Never Mind The Pollocks]

You need to start with giving everbody a laugh so try having two pieces of paper in your jacket pull one out and open it and read aloud welcome my fellow members of the gay and lesbien society them quickly say sorry wrong speach thats for next week then get your best mans speach out, worked great for me.

That's a good one that. Original too.