Bluemoon agony aunt....

[BlueBearBoots]

Ok so lots of ppl have problems, ask me I have the answer, honest :)

I have recently split from girlfriend after living together and raising her child from birth - i enjoyed every moment, yes we had our struggles, money was tight , but I got a place for us in the area she wanted. Last week she hits me with - 'I'm not happy, I want to split' ... It hit me pretty hard and I really didn't see it coming , I lost everything I felt for her in that moment and in over last couple weeks of living with her I really wish to never see her again. We have been reasonably amicable together due to the little girl we have raised in the house, she is moving back to her mums with the little girl - I am going to rent closer to where I was before. So there will be considerable distance. I really don't want contact with my ex ever again, I know she can turn, changed her mind and turn into a emotional wreck , I can honestly see her asking for me back and regretting the decision. But either way, I know that's it now.

The main question is ... What to do with the little girl. I love her loads. I have raised her as my own. She knows me as Dad. How shall I go about arranging to see her, my ex says she wants me still to see her. But ! That means staying in touch with my ex and I know down the line she will be a pain in the arse about it and the harsh reality is that the kid is not mine. Do I cut all ties and start a fresh ? Or come to some sort of arrangement to see the kid ?

Cheers

Mark. Oh my word I've seen so many threads where you have defended the fact you have brought ups a Child that isn't your own - it's obvious you love her as if she was your own - keep in touch with her no matter what - she will thank you for it and you will always have an important relationship with her


So sad for you mate you seemed really up for it x

 

[DelToro]

I think booby has left the building

She has only gone to fetch another bottle of wine

Looks like you were right.

 

[malaprop]

Dear Auntie BBB

My problem is I need an answer to this burning question.

When GDM relieves himself in the sink does he point his per se at the porcelain?

Thank you.

 

[BlueBearBoots]

Dear Auntie BBB

My problem is I need an answer to this burning question.

When GDM relieves himself in the sink does he point his per se at the porcelain?

Thank you.

He doesn't need to point it he has a butler fir that!

 

[malaprop]

Dear Auntie BBB

My problem is I need an answer to this burning question.

When GDM relieves himself in the sink does he point his per se at the porcelain?

Thank you.

He doesn't need to point it he has a butler fir that!

One hopes he warms the teaspoons first.

 

[Balti]

Dear Auntie BBB

My problem is I need an answer to this burning question.

When GDM relieves himself in the sink does he point his per se at the porcelain?

Thank you.

He doesn't need to point it he has a butler fir that!

One hopes he warms the teaspoons first.

tablespoons shirley?

 

[Rocket-footed kolarov]

Ok so lots of ppl have problems, ask me I have the answer, honest :)

I have recently split from girlfriend after living together and raising her child from birth - i enjoyed every moment, yes we had our struggles, money was tight , but I got a place for us in the area she wanted. Last week she hits me with - 'I'm not happy, I want to split' ... It hit me pretty hard and I really didn't see it coming , I lost everything I felt for her in that moment and in over last couple weeks of living with her I really wish to never see her again. We have been reasonably amicable together due to the little girl we have raised in the house, she is moving back to her mums with the little girl - I am going to rent closer to where I was before. So there will be considerable distance. I really don't want contact with my ex ever again, I know she can turn, changed her mind and turn into a emotional wreck , I can honestly see her asking for me back and regretting the decision. But either way, I know that's it now.

The main question is ... What to do with the little girl. I love her loads. I have raised her as my own. She knows me as Dad. How shall I go about arranging to see her, my ex says she wants me still to see her. But ! That means staying in touch with my ex and I know down the line she will be a pain in the arse about it and the harsh reality is that the kid is not mine. Do I cut all ties and start a fresh ? Or come to some sort of arrangement to see the kid ?

Cheers

With the last part you are almost asking somebody to make the decision for you. Nobody can do that unfortunately.

You have two competing interests; breaking away from your ex, or keeping contact with the kid.

I seem to remember that you didn't really consider her as your child, even though you have been doing bringing her up in a roof that you kept over your head.

Only you know what you really want Mark, what is it a complete fresh start away from an ex who walked all over you or to continue what you started with bringing up the child?

If you do choose the second option though, as you will be aware you have no rights to custody, visitation etc. and so you may want to formalise any agreement, I don't know whether this would work and I doubt your ex would go for it, but in return for you paying child maintenance you could adopt the child as your own and get custody/visitation rights. My guess is that sometime in the future when your ex finds a new partner she will look for him to assume the father role and forget all about you, leaving you out in the cold and distressed but with fuck all you can do about it

 

[stony]

Ok so lots of ppl have problems, ask me I have the answer, honest :)

I have recently split from girlfriend after living together and raising her child from birth - i enjoyed every moment, yes we had our struggles, money was tight , but I got a place for us in the area she wanted. Last week she hits me with - 'I'm not happy, I want to split' ... It hit me pretty hard and I really didn't see it coming , I lost everything I felt for her in that moment and in over last couple weeks of living with her I really wish to never see her again. We have been reasonably amicable together due to the little girl we have raised in the house, she is moving back to her mums with the little girl - I am going to rent closer to where I was before. So there will be considerable distance. I really don't want contact with my ex ever again, I know she can turn, changed her mind and turn into a emotional wreck , I can honestly see her asking for me back and regretting the decision. But either way, I know that's it now.

The main question is ... What to do with the little girl. I love her loads. I have raised her as my own. She knows me as Dad. How shall I go about arranging to see her, my ex says she wants me still to see her. But ! That means staying in touch with my ex and I know down the line she will be a pain in the arse about it and the harsh reality is that the kid is not mine. Do I cut all ties and start a fresh ? Or come to some sort of arrangement to see the kid ?

Cheers

Put it all down to experience and shag her sister.

 

[BlueHammer85]

Ok so lots of ppl have problems, ask me I have the answer, honest :)

I have recently split from girlfriend after living together and raising her child from birth - i enjoyed every moment, yes we had our struggles, money was tight , but I got a place for us in the area she wanted. Last week she hits me with - 'I'm not happy, I want to split' ... It hit me pretty hard and I really didn't see it coming , I lost everything I felt for her in that moment and in over last couple weeks of living with her I really wish to never see her again. We have been reasonably amicable together due to the little girl we have raised in the house, she is moving back to her mums with the little girl - I am going to rent closer to where I was before. So there will be considerable distance. I really don't want contact with my ex ever again, I know she can turn, changed her mind and turn into a emotional wreck , I can honestly see her asking for me back and regretting the decision. But either way, I know that's it now.

The main question is ... What to do with the little girl. I love her loads. I have raised her as my own. She knows me as Dad. How shall I go about arranging to see her, my ex says she wants me still to see her. But ! That means staying in touch with my ex and I know down the line she will be a pain in the arse about it and the harsh reality is that the kid is not mine. Do I cut all ties and start a fresh ? Or come to some sort of arrangement to see the kid ?

Cheers

With the last part you are almost asking somebody to make the decision for you. Nobody can do that unfortunately.

You have two competing interests; breaking away from your ex, or keeping contact with the kid.

I seem to remember that you didn't really consider her as your child, even though you have been doing bringing her up in a roof that you kept over your head.

Only you know what you really want Mark, what is it a complete fresh start away from an ex who walked all over you or to continue what you started with bringing up the child?

If you do choose the second option though, as you will be aware you have no rights to custody, visitation etc. and so you may want to formalise any agreement, I don't know whether this would work and I doubt your ex would go for it, but in return for you paying child maintenance you could adopt the child as your own and get custody/visitation rights. My guess is that sometime in the future when your ex finds a new partner she will look for him to assume the father role and forget all about you, leaving you out in the cold and distressed but with fuck all you can do about it

Cheers Rocket and BBB , Stony - the sister is on the plump side to say the least.

Ideally at the moment , all I can do is see her the weekend , take her down park, swimming etc. Which is great.

But your right Rocket, further down the line she is going to meet someone else, maybe she already has - I have no idea ! And then what ? The real father is paying maintenance even tho he's never seen her. I will be looking to rent with a mate and if I meet someone else got to explain im raising a child that isn't mine. Some close mates and family say she is only 3 , now is the time to walk away and start a fresh. But that kills me thinking it about it. Grrr I hate life.

 

[Rocket-footed kolarov]

I have recently split from girlfriend after living together and raising her child from birth - i enjoyed every moment, yes we had our struggles, money was tight , but I got a place for us in the area she wanted. Last week she hits me with - 'I'm not happy, I want to split' ... It hit me pretty hard and I really didn't see it coming , I lost everything I felt for her in that moment and in over last couple weeks of living with her I really wish to never see her again. We have been reasonably amicable together due to the little girl we have raised in the house, she is moving back to her mums with the little girl - I am going to rent closer to where I was before. So there will be considerable distance. I really don't want contact with my ex ever again, I know she can turn, changed her mind and turn into a emotional wreck , I can honestly see her asking for me back and regretting the decision. But either way, I know that's it now.

The main question is ... What to do with the little girl. I love her loads. I have raised her as my own. She knows me as Dad. How shall I go about arranging to see her, my ex says she wants me still to see her. But ! That means staying in touch with my ex and I know down the line she will be a pain in the arse about it and the harsh reality is that the kid is not mine. Do I cut all ties and start a fresh ? Or come to some sort of arrangement to see the kid ?

Cheers

With the last part you are almost asking somebody to make the decision for you. Nobody can do that unfortunately.

You have two competing interests; breaking away from your ex, or keeping contact with the kid.

I seem to remember that you didn't really consider her as your child, even though you have been doing bringing her up in a roof that you kept over your head.

Only you know what you really want Mark, what is it a complete fresh start away from an ex who walked all over you or to continue what you started with bringing up the child?

If you do choose the second option though, as you will be aware you have no rights to custody, visitation etc. and so you may want to formalise any agreement, I don't know whether this would work and I doubt your ex would go for it, but in return for you paying child maintenance you could adopt the child as your own and get custody/visitation rights. My guess is that sometime in the future when your ex finds a new partner she will look for him to assume the father role and forget all about you, leaving you out in the cold and distressed but with fuck all you can do about it

Cheers Rocket and BBB , Stony - the sister is on the plump side to say the least.

Ideally at the moment , all I can do is see her the weekend , take her down park, swimming etc. Which is great.

But your right Rocket, further down the line she is going to meet someone else, maybe she already has - I have no idea ! And then what ? The real father is paying maintenance even tho he's never seen her. I will be looking to rent with a mate and if I meet someone else got to explain im raising a child that isn't mine. Some close mates and family say she is only 3 , now is the time to walk away and start a fresh. But that kills me thinking it about it. Grrr I hate life.

It would be simpler that way but as I said the choice is with you. You could continue seeing the kid until her mother changes her tune or meets somebody else and puts an end to it and then how would you feel?

Like you said what if you do meet somebody else, and later down the line have a child that is your own? Will you still keep up the visits to the kid that you never really considered your own? Will you treat your kids and her differently? Will you pay more attention to your new family and eventually drift away or even consciously ignore and forget about her?