As you're probably aware my life and love life in particular are somewhat fucked up. A crazy train ride stopping off at Divorce Central, Flange Cross and Swallow Me Whole Junction. And fuck me some ugly cunts have ridden this train. A couple of sorts riding in the 1st Class carriage, but on the whole an array of fat munters riding 2nd Class. "But this train conducter aint fussy, climb on board love and show us yer pussy !"
Several weeks ago I was nicely building up a new supply of Plenty Of Fish birds. I'd cleared out a bit of room in the vaults and went in search of some fresh. So here's Tracey, 42, from the village I live in. Bit close for comfort, but caution was never one of my stronger qualities as you will discover with my frankly outrageous PIP 40 tale. Here's a few pics. I was relatively optimistic, not a beauty queen by any stretch but had that naughty twinkle in her eye that said, "Hello, please smash my back door in....."
The unfortunate thing about POF however is that the ladies on there rarely resemble their photos. We arranged a quick hello outside the local Chinese take-away and for a fleeting moment as she hopped into my car I thought I was being joined by The Emperor from Star Wars. She looked a good 10 years older than her pictures above. Regardless, we chatted, we held hands, we kissed as I stroked her pie through her jeans. Her texts following this brief encounter were relentless. She'd clearly liked what she saw and my fate with the Imperial Master would be sealed the week after
Thursday is my mid-week day off. She was off work herself and so we arranged a date to hook up. Well not so much a date. That implies going somewhere nice, spending my money and maybe not getting an empty at the end of it. Our 'date' involved her coming round to my gaff for some pipe slurping.
I'm 10 minutes late picking her up. It's raining, she's piss wet through standing outside the Chinky we'd met before dressed up like an 18 year old. Get in the car you ****, some busy-body from the village might see you ! Felt sorry for her actually as she sat there in my car dripping wet. It was much the same condition I left her fanny in 30 minutes later
She knew my scenario at home but was happy to play along. No need for tiresome lies here. Tracey simply wanted cock and I ushered her into the house as quickly as possible. We both knew what was afoot here and wasting no time went straight upstairs. My light sabre was twitching....
It was still only around 10am so I made it a cup of tea and we had a pleasant chat for about 15 minutes. She was clearly nervous and I couldn't stop the **** from talking. Give it a rest love and drink up, my balls need emptying here Almost mid-sentence I take the cup from her hands and lie her back on the bed she is perched on the edge of. With a slight gasp of surprise I squeeze one of her fine looking pots as we begin our first embrace. I can feel the anticipation emanating from her. She's all of a quiver as my filthy fingers snaked up her "too short for a 40 something" skirt. Hello, hello, what is this....She's got these thick tights on and the waiste band is tucked halfway up her fucking body and so tight I've no prayer of gaining quick access. "You'll have to help me with those badboys love, have you welded them on ?!" She sniggers at my cheekiness but with no hesitation strips off and lies naked before me.....And then I saw it. Her Ginsters Pie
My what big flaps you have ! The thought raced through my mind. They hung there between her legs like a Sunday Roast carvery. Didn't know whether to go down on her or make a jug of Bisto.....
She would sample the delights of the Turbo Tongue however, but the aroma down there was distasteful. Like decaying meat I quickly dissengaged and chose to stuff a few fingers inside her instead. It squeeled and panted and twisted the quilt cover around its fists and without further ado I sunk my lad into her large Meat Feast bucket and gave it about a minute of my finest
"And now the end is near
And so I face the vaginal beef curtains...."
There followed another 20 minutes of fumbling, slurping and kissing, but I soon have Flapatron dressed and out the door. It's been a pleasant morning, PIP 39 had been a long time coming. What will live long in the memory are those mighty curtains. I was going to suggest we pop down B&Q together so she could pick out a pair of lovely curtains ties.
