No words I can say to make you feel better, just want you to know I care, along with many, many others here and your family who sound amazing. Having been through feelings like this before you know you can get through it to brighter days. Share those illustrations with us once they are done. Would love to see them.Where do I start without ranting!! I have so many complicated and intertwined issues.
I'm in a HEAVY period of this depression (I almost wrote Death!) grip at the moment. The first I've had since chucking a bunch tabs down my neck in 2005(only know cos my daughter was 14 at the time). Joined BM not long after recovery.
Had this 'illness' since 13 and I'm 51 in Jan.
Been off my meds since before splitting with the wife and everything feels like it's spiralling. I, actively, try to avoid talking about things as it sends me down, even now. It's hard to tell yourself 'man up!' every day when you don't know where or how to start doing that.
Can't eve motivate myself to go gym and I don't want anyone around me. I know it sounds like I'm leaving a note, but I'm not.
I'm just tired and I need to write. I'm sorry for that.
If I'm honest I feel like.. like I'd be satisfied not waking up. But I can't just go cos I can't put my boys through it like I did my daughter so I've just got to put up with it. Lesson learned.
So... I tried a different approach and shut myself off to do illustrations in adobe which I've not done in 15-20 years. Alone with my thoughts sketching my granddaughter. Started at 11 and didn't stop til 8 when my hands cramped up. All that time re-learning the programme as well as working out the new features! Took my mind off things, though, so think I'll do it again tomorrow. I've found whilst I don't eat all day, I'm also not comfort eating!
Hopefully finish it by weekend!
I feel better as that was a rollercoaster of emotions just to write! LOL!
No regrets.
I understand how you must be feeling Blue,all fellow Bluemooners will be thinking of you and wishing you well.Where do I start without ranting!! I have so many complicated and intertwined issues.
I'm in a HEAVY period of this depression (I almost wrote Death!) grip at the moment. The first I've had since chucking a bunch tabs down my neck in 2005(only know cos my daughter was 14 at the time). Joined BM not long after recovery.
Had this 'illness' since 13 and I'm 51 in Jan.
Been off my meds since before splitting with the wife and everything feels like it's spiralling. I, actively, try to avoid talking about things as it sends me down, even now. It's hard to tell yourself 'man up!' every day when you don't know where or how to start doing that.
Can't eve motivate myself to go gym and I don't want anyone around me. I know it sounds like I'm leaving a note, but I'm not.
I'm just tired and I need to write. I'm sorry for that.
If I'm honest I feel like.. like I'd be satisfied not waking up. But I can't just go cos I can't put my boys through it like I did my daughter so I've just got to put up with it. Lesson learned.
So... I tried a different approach and shut myself off to do illustrations in adobe which I've not done in 15-20 years. Alone with my thoughts sketching my granddaughter. Started at 11 and didn't stop til 8 when my hands cramped up. All that time re-learning the programme as well as working out the new features! Took my mind off things, though, so think I'll do it again tomorrow. I've found whilst I don't eat all day, I'm also not comfort eating!
Hopefully finish it by weekend!
I feel better as that was a rollercoaster of emotions just to write! LOL!
No regrets.
Hi Bigga, great that you have found something to focus on, keep it up mate. One Important thing I have gleaned from my sisters depression is that it’s much better to concentrate on the future and positive therapy than delving into the past for answers. Mind blowingly I have come to also understand that medication is not the answer for anything other than short term. How nhs doctors can go on prescribing for year after year to the same patient is ridiculous.Where do I start without ranting!! I have so many complicated and intertwined issues.
I'm in a HEAVY period of this depression (I almost wrote Death!) grip at the moment. The first I've had since chucking a bunch tabs down my neck in 2005(only know cos my daughter was 14 at the time). Joined BM not long after recovery.
Had this 'illness' since 13 and I'm 51 in Jan.
Been off my meds since before splitting with the wife and everything feels like it's spiralling. I, actively, try to avoid talking about things as it sends me down, even now. It's hard to tell yourself 'man up!' every day when you don't know where or how to start doing that.
Can't eve motivate myself to go gym and I don't want anyone around me. I know it sounds like I'm leaving a note, but I'm not.
I'm just tired and I need to write. I'm sorry for that.
If I'm honest I feel like.. like I'd be satisfied not waking up. But I can't just go cos I can't put my boys through it like I did my daughter so I've just got to put up with it. Lesson learned.
So... I tried a different approach and shut myself off to do illustrations in adobe which I've not done in 15-20 years. Alone with my thoughts sketching my granddaughter. Started at 11 and didn't stop til 8 when my hands cramped up. All that time re-learning the programme as well as working out the new features! Took my mind off things, though, so think I'll do it again tomorrow. I've found whilst I don't eat all day, I'm also not comfort eating!
Hopefully finish it by weekend!
I feel better as that was a rollercoaster of emotions just to write! LOL!
No regrets.
Where do I start without ranting!! I have so many complicated and intertwined issues.
I'm in a HEAVY period of this depression (I almost wrote Death!) grip at the moment. The first I've had since chucking a bunch tabs down my neck in 2005(only know cos my daughter was 14 at the time). Joined BM not long after recovery.
Had this 'illness' since 13 and I'm 51 in Jan.
Been off my meds since before splitting with the wife and everything feels like it's spiralling. I, actively, try to avoid talking about things as it sends me down, even now. It's hard to tell yourself 'man up!' every day when you don't know where or how to start doing that.
Can't eve motivate myself to go gym and I don't want anyone around me. I know it sounds like I'm leaving a note, but I'm not.
I'm just tired and I need to write. I'm sorry for that.
If I'm honest I feel like.. like I'd be satisfied not waking up. But I can't just go cos I can't put my boys through it like I did my daughter so I've just got to put up with it. Lesson learned.
So... I tried a different approach and shut myself off to do illustrations in adobe which I've not done in 15-20 years. Alone with my thoughts sketching my granddaughter. Started at 11 and didn't stop til 8 when my hands cramped up. All that time re-learning the programme as well as working out the new features! Took my mind off things, though, so think I'll do it again tomorrow. I've found whilst I don't eat all day, I'm also not comfort eating!
Hopefully finish it by weekend!
I feel better as that was a rollercoaster of emotions just to write! LOL!
No regrets.