Emigrating Guilt

[Main Stand Hotdog]

Do what is right for you,please yourself first and foremost and accommodate if possible.....do not live your life for others.

Sure, It's pretty much definitely happening (unless some unforseen circumstance out of our control), it's just a nagging guilt that i was wondering if it's a natural part of the process, but from the initial responses it looks like there's very little regret or guilt from those that have moved abroad, which is a comfort.

 

[Main Stand Hotdog]

Indeed.
My sister went to NZ.
My bro-in-law went to Aus
I have an uncle who’s 3 kids all went to different parts of Aus.

So… yes it is hard for the relations left behind, but geez it’s only Barcelona!

You have to do what’s right for you (see weddings) not the family, else you’ll be behoeven forever.

It’s hard when you are the only child left in UK , in relation to aging parents, so IMO you’ll probably have most ‘guilt’ laid on you from her - you need to sort out the longterm arrangements for your parent/s with her/them before you go

Yes mate, that's good advice. That's definitely part of my hang up about leaving my sister to deal with my mum and dad.

Cheers

 

[Tuearts right boot]

We moved out to Catalonia, about 2hrs south of Barca. We had no real income other than the rental of a farm, we had 2 and the 2nd one was being renovated.My daughters, who lived with their mum kind of suggested I should make the move, thanks kids....but from their point of view it must have been really cool. The hardest part was driving away from their house on the last day of UK residence. The upside was when they came over together and later with boyfriends. We lived there for 7 years, up a mountain about 2 miles from any village and got on well with the local Catalans. Treat them as you would be treated and everything will be fine. It helps if you show willing with the language obviously but around Barca most people in business can speak English, maybe the old school wont accept you as easily. I would say do it, you're only here once.........you can always come back, as we did when discovering my mum had dementia. As mentioned above, it's only half a days travelling and the ' metro' is about about 15 minutes from airport to city centre. Good food and drink and 300 days of sunshine a year. The cold winds blowing down off the Pyrenees in february can catch you out though, Do it !!!

 

[Kirkstall Blue]

I suppose this is one for the Expats amongst you really.

The wife and I have decided to pay off the last of our debts this year and get the wheels in motion to move to Barcelona. The industry we work in is starting to take off over there, it's pretty much all based in London here and to work and live here is just getting too expensive, not to mention almost impossible to buy property.

We've started learning Spanish, my wife has just started working for a Barca based company (fully remote atm), we have friends out there already and we love the place, the people, the way of life etc. I think this could be a really exciting opportunity.

We also have a four year old son and he is the only grandchild on either mine or my wife's side. So you can imagine how much the grandparents and his Aunty (my sister) fuss over him. We've not told them that we're planning to move abroad and this is going to be the biggest hurdle for me personally.

They've been on at us constantly about leaving london and moving back up North to be closer to them as they feel they've been deprived of quality time with my son, so I'm fairly certain they will be beyond fucked off with the idea that we'll be leaving the country. I think the decision will do irreparable damage to my relationship with my parents and sister and regardless of how much I think I'm doing what is best for my family and what would make me happy, I will feel like a bit of arsehole.

Did any of you Expat Bluemooners have to sit with that sort guilt? If so was it just an inital thing that goes away over time or is it just sort of something you have to live with?

The only regret we have is not doing it, No guilt you will always be able to travel back we regret not leaving in 2002 we had two weddings four grandchildren and in 2016 health reasons kicked in.
We even had the house picked out, Love having the grandchildren but left with a “what could have been”
You will save on heating and food don’t feel guilty

 

[idahoblues]

I moved to the States, my brother moved to Australia within a year of each other. I know it hurt the parents but they were happy that we were doing what we wanted to do.

 

[JASR]

Yes mate, that's good advice. That's definitely part of my hang up about leaving my sister to deal with my mum and dad.

Cheers

We're just in the process of sorting out LPA's (financial one and health one) for my mum (should have done at leat 10 years earlier - but she at least had the earlier EPA after her own experience in dealing with a old relative).
I would suggest that is a very important thing to sort before you go. (And their wills if they haven't already).
The LPA's (if it's what they want), should be for you and your sister to be "jointly and seperately" in charge of.
It can be done via the govt website - it is ALSO a lot easier to do it (signatures) before you go.

I would also suggest you get your will/s sorted out, and maybe start thinking about the LPA's for yourself - especially with respect to who would act on your behalf - we recently changed our will's because we had used people of our own age... and time moves on :-(

 

[Main Stand Hotdog]

I moved to the States, my brother moved to Australia within a year of each other. I know it hurt the parents but they were happy that we were doing what we wanted to do.

Sounds like you had/have decent, level headed parents, mate. Now if I could just get these two mad bastards I'm stuck with on the same wave length as your folks, it might diffuse the situation a bit. haha.

 

[Fred_Quimby]

If your parents and sister really cared about you they would support you all the way and would want the best for you not the best for them. I have fully supported our children all the way and always wanted the best for them not us. I have a daughter in NZ and our son is thinking of going to the US in about a years time (his wife is American); I only wish the best for them and will support them no matter what decisions they make. They should be supporting you in the same way. Seize the Day.

Edit; it is your future not theirs.

 

[paulchapo]

I suppose this is one for the Expats amongst you really.

The wife and I have decided to pay off the last of our debts this year and get the wheels in motion to move to Barcelona. The industry we work in is starting to take off over there, it's pretty much all based in London here and to work and live here is just getting too expensive, not to mention almost impossible to buy property.

We've started learning Spanish, my wife has just started working for a Barca based company (fully remote atm), we have friends out there already and we love the place, the people, the way of life etc. I think this could be a really exciting opportunity.

We also have a four year old son and he is the only grandchild on either mine or my wife's side. So you can imagine how much the grandparents and his Aunty (my sister) fuss over him. We've not told them that we're planning to move abroad and this is going to be the biggest hurdle for me personally.

They've been on at us constantly about leaving london and moving back up North to be closer to them as they feel they've been deprived of quality time with my son, so I'm fairly certain they will be beyond fucked off with the idea that we'll be leaving the country. I think the decision will do irreparable damage to my relationship with my parents and sister and regardless of how much I think I'm doing what is best for my family and what would make me happy, I will feel like a bit of arsehole.

Did any of you Expat Bluemooners have to sit with that sort guilt? If so was it just an inital thing that goes away over time or is it just sort of something you have to live with?

It's tough but you have to do what is best for your main responsibility now which is your wife and son. This country is going to the dogs and at the best I don't see it improving for at least a decade. Also if you remain in London how often would your family see you per year anyway? Think of all the great holidays they could have visiting you, much better than a week in London. Go for it, if it doesn't work out you can always come back.

 

[uweuweuwe]

When we moved to Germany with the kids have to admit used to hate phoning/sykpe my parents it was horrible knowing they were sad about us not being there. felt much better when my parents came out to visit and they realised that the life we were giving the kids we could never give them back in Manchester. sadly it was my wifes parents ill health that brought us back to the uk. but my dad always points out to me that even though he hated it at the time you can see in my kids the experience they had growing up in a different country and culture has helped make them in to the well rounded individual's that they are today.

so good luck