Examples of stupidity.

[andyhinch]

By the time I was done with him, everything was inverted, inside out and upside down

Oh the thought ;-)

 

[5 Hit Gibbon]

Comparing Prince Phillip to Rose West.

I often get those two mixed up.

The Queen looked at me like I was mental when I asked her about laying a patio for me. We both laughed about it later though, when we realised I had spoken to the wrong person's partner & it was Fred I was after!

 

[lafitz2008]

Was watching the news once with an ex girlfriend. It was around the time they'd found meteorite that was thought to be evidence of life on Mars
They'd superimposed the newsreader onto a background of the planet and she said 'oh my god, is he on Mars?!'

 

[metalblue]

Mate took his lass to watch Titanic. As they left the cinema she says to him “I really thought it was going to miss the iceberg”

Was at a hotel in NYC with a mate and his lass (and Mrs MB, separate rooms, you kinky fuckers) and my mates lass comes back with her cereal and asks “I’ve got 2% milk. What’s the rest made from?”

Mrs MB called me at work saying she had a puncture in the car but it was only flat at the bottom

 

[JASR]

Mate took his lass to watch Titanic. As they left the cinema she says to him “I really thought it was going to miss the iceberg”

Was at a hotel in NYC with a mate and his lass (and Mrs MB, separate rooms, you kinky fuckers) and my mates lass comes back with her cereal and asks “I’ve got 2% milk. What’s the rest made from?”

Mrs MB called me at work saying she had a puncture in the car but it was only flat at the bottom

The flat tyre! Awesome

 

[creditunionhero]

I had a company car that needed a new windscreen due to it having a large split in the glass. I told a female co worker that I was having a prescription windscreen fitted as that would mean I would no longer need to wear glasses to drive the car.

A few days later she laughed and said, what will you do when you need to change your prescription?

 

[Magicpole]

My ex-mother in law was as thick as shit.

One time, when we were living in New Jersey, she was over visiting and said she wanted to go and pick our eldest kid up from Kindergarten. We told her that the school wouldn’t let her do that, as they didn’t have any record of her and she didn’t have any ID.
Later that day she was sat at the kitchen table with a felt tip. We asked her what she was doing. “I’m making an ID” she said and held up piece of paper with “I am Ben’s Grandma” written on it.

I wrote, Security, on a circular card and robbed a Post Office once. She wasn't that daft.

Although I did get caught as I spelled it wrong. Yes, put a e instead of an i at the end. School boy error, literally.

 

[Magicpole]

A bloke I knew was worried about the drug problem. He said...
You don't understand there is a drug triangle between Birmingham, Leeds, Bradford and Manchester.

What more proof does anyone need that drugs ruin minds?

 

[Magicpole]

The judicial system in Victoria

Good shout.

 

[Magicpole]

I used to share a house with a mate in Manchester 18 months or so before I moved away. When we weren't working, we smoked quite a bit of pot and would watch anything that involved good looking women - Thursday night was takeaway, Friends and Ally McBeal night for example.

We were watching MTV during the glorious autumn of 1999. Jennifer Lopez, Britney Spears, Christine Aguilera, Shania Twain, TLC and others were all in the charts at that time. Shakira came on singing "Whenever, wherever". We'd been silent for quite a period of time and Leon broke the silence to casually say "She can't half dance for a girl with a wooden leg."

He had no reason to say this and I had no reason to question it. I moved away and was working stupid hours for the best part of a year and living in a hotel. I met my missus, had kids and life moved on.

At some point in my early days on here, there was a "Sexiest Women in Music" thread. A poster nominated Shakira. I replied basically saying "Good on you for looking past her disability."

Cue a shedload of replies asking me what the fuck I was on about. I explained that she had a wooden leg, my mate told me. Off Topic found it highly amusing as did Leon when I text him out of the blue to ask him why the fuck he'd told me that over 11 years earlier.

What did he say? You can't just leave us hanging.