funny quotes

[Gaz76]

anyone know any good uns?? I'll start with a few

well that went down like a pork chop in a synagogue

I felt as welcome as a fart in an astronaut suit

If his brains were dynamite, there wouldn't be enough to blow his hat off

He couldn't run a shagging session in a whore house.

 

[Seosa]

''Stay outta my fucking way....little fuckers!!!''


It was funny when I first heard it

 

[johnmc]

''Stay outta my fucking way....little fuckers!!!''


It was funny when I first heard it

Not quite as funny now you have seen it in black and white though?

 

[Seosa]

''Stay outta my fucking way....little fuckers!!!''


It was funny when I first heard it

Not quite as funny now you have seen it in black and white though?

Well, its funny in the actual interview, because it comes out of nowhere, but like you say in Black and White it just looks like violent neandertholic blabble.

 

[Clubber]

................that's what she said.

 

[MelbourneBlue]

often said to my kids....

"if you break your legs, don't come running to me"

 

[FeedTheGoat10]

He (Jo) is the worst Brazillian since Stevie Wonder's wife let him wax her fanny

 

[Freestyler]

he/she could chew an apple through a tennis racket!

 

[Ethan23]

I'v seen milk turn quicker

 

[SkyBlueFlux]

"I had to step outside to turn a boiled sweet over in my mouth."

Dev from Coronation Street describing a small flat. Made me chuckle at the time.

 

[burning blue soul]

"they laughed when i said i would be a famous comedian, well, theyre not laughing now!!"

the great Bob Monkhouse.

 

[Le Havre Oswald]

well thats how u get pink eye.


from knocked up

 

[BlueSam]

You couldn't organise a bum rape in a barracks.

 

[BertTrautmann'sParachute]

Marx Brothers (more or less):
"...So I shot an elephant in my pyjamas. What an elephant was doing in my pyjamas I've no idea..."

 

[Two Gun Bob]

You couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

 

[dickie davies]

Fuck off somewhere else and when you get there fuck off again

 

[TheRemainsOfTheDave]

"It was one of those wonderful pieces of theatre which will be so missed when Sir Alex Ferguson has packed up his tracksuit and gone.

Someone had asked him whether Manchester United will ever go into a derby match as underdogs and for 15 seconds or more he eyed his inquisitor, the hint of a glint in those narrow eyes, and you wondered whether that individual or Manchester City would be on the receiving end of the full force of his opinion. "What time is it?" he said, at last. "I think it is time for me to leave." And as he clambered from his seat, an answer to that question... "Not in my lifetime.""

 

[jimharri]

As popular as a fart in a lift.

 

[brooklandsblue2.0]

I always liked Jose’s “specialist in failure” comment. A bit out of order / unprofessional but what a put down