Headlines you’ll never see

[BertTrautmann'sParachute]

By Jiminy, this Premier League football lark seems to be a little on the corrupt side.

 

[mat]

"Marcus Rashford to join Tory party and stand for MP in Wythenshaw and Sale East"

 

[rabby]

Gerontophilia and me by Shrek

 

[mat]

"I hate Liverpool. They are a Cult that won't let me go."

Klopp pleads to be released to join (insert club)

 

[Keeper!]

James Milner in interesting article.

 

[laserblue]

Harry Maguire exposed as a lying drunk thug after Dan Roan and the BBC tried to cover up scandal.

 

[old blue]

"Old Blue is a handsome devil,said nobody ever."

 

[dobingsdobber]

Dave Whelan faked Wembley leg-break!!!

 

[superwatsonwatson]

Messi snubs Utd.

 

[crazyg]

"Phil Jones nominated for an Oscar after his superb acting in Goonies remake"

No doubt as Sloth. Not much make up needed.