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How to get over a girl I love/loved?
- Thread starter Malty
- Start date
billymumphrey
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 17 Feb 2011
- Messages
- 1,603
I have to echo some of the advice given on here. Having recently been turfed by the girlfriend of three years I can empathise with the OP's plight.
Only advice I can give is simply focus on yourself. Do whatever you need to do to reconcile these hurt feelings and eventually you'll get to a place where you're comfortable with who you are as a person, and that involves not being defined by someone else. You'll get there eventually, and when you do you'll realise that you don't need anyone else to make you happy or content. From there anything can happen. You might find a new bird, you might not, but then it wont matter because you're comfortable with yourself and your current situation. Finding someone is a bonus, getting to a stage where you're happy within yourself is the first step.
Echoing other posters, I urge you to refrain from contacting her. Was in the same spot as you months ago. I had the Christmas holidays, New Years, her birthday and valentines day as ecuses to contact her. As it was she copped the silent treatment from me. Not because I didn't want to get in touch with her, I mean I did and I still miss her and think about her on a hourly basis, but I knew for my own well being and sanity that I couldn't do it. I don't think you need to do anything so drastic as deleting numbers, blocking her etc. In fact I think you'll exhibit greater control and agency over the situation by not deleting numbers, but making the choice not to contact her. Then it's your decision to make. Over the long run this will mean you've showed the strength of character to respect yourself by not falling to temptation.
I think deep down you know this, but you'll be alright, eventually. You're probably feeling a bit battered and bruised emotionally. We've all been there. You'll get through this!
Only advice I can give is simply focus on yourself. Do whatever you need to do to reconcile these hurt feelings and eventually you'll get to a place where you're comfortable with who you are as a person, and that involves not being defined by someone else. You'll get there eventually, and when you do you'll realise that you don't need anyone else to make you happy or content. From there anything can happen. You might find a new bird, you might not, but then it wont matter because you're comfortable with yourself and your current situation. Finding someone is a bonus, getting to a stage where you're happy within yourself is the first step.
Echoing other posters, I urge you to refrain from contacting her. Was in the same spot as you months ago. I had the Christmas holidays, New Years, her birthday and valentines day as ecuses to contact her. As it was she copped the silent treatment from me. Not because I didn't want to get in touch with her, I mean I did and I still miss her and think about her on a hourly basis, but I knew for my own well being and sanity that I couldn't do it. I don't think you need to do anything so drastic as deleting numbers, blocking her etc. In fact I think you'll exhibit greater control and agency over the situation by not deleting numbers, but making the choice not to contact her. Then it's your decision to make. Over the long run this will mean you've showed the strength of character to respect yourself by not falling to temptation.
I think deep down you know this, but you'll be alright, eventually. You're probably feeling a bit battered and bruised emotionally. We've all been there. You'll get through this!
Hope things work out for you too, and you're soon on the road to recovery. If you meet someone you like, go for it, what's to lose? Stay positive, best if luck!
Cheers man, making positive changes in my life to give myself the best outcome and totally, I'm sure most women like straight up honesty so will eventually get lucky ( I hope anyway )
TCIB
Well-Known Member
I agree with most of the advice bill gives but i can't see any benefit to having the number.
there are many ways we can practise self restraint in life, this is an unhealthy way to do it at best imo.
I still have the number burned in my brain of an ex i have regrets over but i am happy as i could be with my gf atm.
Not that she distracts me from wanting to call my ex, i don't want to call her anyway, i just remember numbers easily.
Oh there is a lot i would have done different and would like to say to an extent but the desire to do so has diminished into the ether.
tl;dr time mate, time.
there are many ways we can practise self restraint in life, this is an unhealthy way to do it at best imo.
I still have the number burned in my brain of an ex i have regrets over but i am happy as i could be with my gf atm.
Not that she distracts me from wanting to call my ex, i don't want to call her anyway, i just remember numbers easily.
Oh there is a lot i would have done different and would like to say to an extent but the desire to do so has diminished into the ether.
tl;dr time mate, time.
billymumphrey
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 17 Feb 2011
- Messages
- 1,603
I agree with most of the advice bill gives but i can't see any benefit to having the number.
there are many ways we can practise self restraint in life, this is an unhealthy way to do it at best imo.
I still have the number burned in my brain of an ex i have regrets over but i am happy as i could be with my gf atm.
Not that she distracts me from wanting to call my ex, i don't want to call her anyway, i just remember numbers easily.
Oh there is a lot i would have done different and would like to say to an extent but the desire to do so has diminished into the ether.
tl;dr time mate, time.
Different things work for different people. I guess I'm speaking from my own experience and what might work for me might not work for the OP. I rationalise it in that in this day and age with social media and obviously there being mutual friends and still socialising in the same circles you're bound to run into either the ex or someone who will give you an update about her, so I think avoiding her is unavoidable.
Personally I get a bit of strength from knowing I can, if I wanted to, call her send her a text, but that I choose not to. But having said that, I don't really go out and get pissed these days due to a combination of getting old and most of my circle of friends getting married/having kids which limits the opportunities I have to see them and have a big night - so the chances of me being in a situation of contemplating a drunken call to her are slim to none so that temptation is not there for me.
peoffrey
Well-Known Member
A big mucky night out in a different place (Sheffield for me) and a accompanied by a trusted friend did the trick. I'd come in to some money and ended up blowing a wad in Spearmint Rhino. One bigger boobed Jessica Ennis lookalike earned some decent wage waving her Jack and Danny in my face too. I began dating again some six months later. There's been no girl like it since but I remain the eternal optimist.
Uncle Wally One Ball
Well-Known Member
By bumming her sisterI have to echo some of the advice given on here. Having recently been turfed by the girlfriend of three years I can empathise with the OP's plight.
Only advice I can give is simply focus on yourself. Do whatever you need to do to reconcile these hurt feelings and eventually you'll get to a place where you're comfortable with who you are as a person, and that involves not being defined by someone else. You'll get there eventually, and when you do you'll realise that you don't need anyone else to make you happy or content. From there anything can happen. You might find a new bird, you might not, but then it wont matter because you're comfortable with yourself and your current situation. Finding someone is a bonus, getting to a stage where you're happy within yourself is the first step.
Echoing other posters, I urge you to refrain from contacting her. Was in the same spot as you months ago. I had the Christmas holidays, New Years, her birthday and valentines day as ecuses to contact her. As it was she copped the silent treatment from me. Not because I didn't want to get in touch with her, I mean I did and I still miss her and think about her on a hourly basis, but I knew for my own well being and sanity that I couldn't do it. I don't think you need to do anything so drastic as deleting numbers, blocking her etc. In fact I think you'll exhibit greater control and agency over the situation by not deleting numbers, but making the choice not to contact her. Then it's your decision to make. Over the long run this will mean you've showed the strength of character to respect yourself by not falling to temptation.
I think deep down you know this, but you'll be alright, eventually. You're probably feeling a bit battered and bruised emotionally. We've all been there. You'll get through this!
She lives and works in the same city.
I still have her number and I'm thinking do I ring her?
Do I just delete her number so I can no longer contact her?
Move cities? But I'm sure most Guys don't move cities for that .. But what if I see her with another man!??
Any advice is welcome..
Move to Glasgow and find yourself some dirty local lady to have a rebound relationship with and you will return a new man.
But jokes aside, rebound relationships help, especially if you meet someone who is a good laugh, even if you both know its going to be a short relationship.
peoffrey
Well-Known Member
A big mucky night out in a different place (Sheffield for me) and a accompanied by a trusted friend did the trick. I'd come in to some money and ended up blowing a wad in Spearmint Rhino. One bigger boobed Jessica Ennis lookalike earned some decent wage waving her Jack and Danny in my face too. I began dating again some six months later. There's been no girl like it since but I remain the eternal optimist.
I've just remembered that I tipped her extra and she let me lick her tit.
TCIB
Well-Known Member
Different things work for different people. I guess I'm speaking from my own experience and what might work for me might not work for the OP. I rationalise it in that in this day and age with social media and obviously there being mutual friends and still socialising in the same circles you're bound to run into either the ex or someone who will give you an update about her, so I think avoiding her is unavoidable.
Personally I get a bit of strength from knowing I can, if I wanted to, call her send her a text, but that I choose not to. But having said that, I don't really go out and get pissed these days due to a combination of getting old and most of my circle of friends getting married/having kids which limits the opportunities I have to see them and have a big night - so the chances of me being in a situation of contemplating a drunken call to her are slim to none so that temptation is not there for me.
I get your reasoning bud and neither is wrong or right imo, it is down to the individual.
I was and most likely will be right in your situ Bill hehe, we must make a night of it one evening :-)