HelloCity
Well-Known Member
In fact, I’d go so far as to say that it was the best dump ever dropped by a Human.
I'd had a nice, tight grip on this little beauty all day long, and as much as I was enjoying holding it in, I knew it was time for this particular log to meet its destiny. Little did I know I was about to experience something the average man in the street can only imagine in his wildest dreams.
I knew this was no ordinary turd - as soon as I'd sat myself down it made its intentions perfectly clear. It needed no additional pushing or straining by me whatsoever, it was quite happy to handle the final descent on its own, and I soon realised I was in capable hands. It was as if it was saying, "sit back, relax, leave all the work to me."
After a clean release, I looked down to watch the most perfect, symmetrical stool you’ve ever seen hit the water at a perfect 90 degree angle, causing very little audible sound and absolutely no splash. I swear, if it was an Olympic diver it would have received perfect score from the judges and claimed the gold medal. Then, I looked on in astonishment as it quickly changed direction under the water and disappeared back and up into the u-bend, never to be seen again. Incredible really isn‘t the word.
But if all that wasn’t impressive enough, the icing on the cake came when I came to wipe my arse. I tore the usual three squares of toilet paper from the roll, folded it appropriately, and, starting from the chode (three inches from my sack to be precise), brought the paper up through the crack of my arse in one smooth motion. To my amazement, I discovered that I'd drawn an ace straight off the tee. I’d wasted three squares of perfectly good Andrex for nothing. In fact, I didn’t even have to flush. The paper was clean and the turd is nowhere to be seen, there is absolutely no evidence that I’ve just dropped a log at all. There is a slight smell but I could just say the cat farted.
I'd had a nice, tight grip on this little beauty all day long, and as much as I was enjoying holding it in, I knew it was time for this particular log to meet its destiny. Little did I know I was about to experience something the average man in the street can only imagine in his wildest dreams.
I knew this was no ordinary turd - as soon as I'd sat myself down it made its intentions perfectly clear. It needed no additional pushing or straining by me whatsoever, it was quite happy to handle the final descent on its own, and I soon realised I was in capable hands. It was as if it was saying, "sit back, relax, leave all the work to me."
After a clean release, I looked down to watch the most perfect, symmetrical stool you’ve ever seen hit the water at a perfect 90 degree angle, causing very little audible sound and absolutely no splash. I swear, if it was an Olympic diver it would have received perfect score from the judges and claimed the gold medal. Then, I looked on in astonishment as it quickly changed direction under the water and disappeared back and up into the u-bend, never to be seen again. Incredible really isn‘t the word.
But if all that wasn’t impressive enough, the icing on the cake came when I came to wipe my arse. I tore the usual three squares of toilet paper from the roll, folded it appropriately, and, starting from the chode (three inches from my sack to be precise), brought the paper up through the crack of my arse in one smooth motion. To my amazement, I discovered that I'd drawn an ace straight off the tee. I’d wasted three squares of perfectly good Andrex for nothing. In fact, I didn’t even have to flush. The paper was clean and the turd is nowhere to be seen, there is absolutely no evidence that I’ve just dropped a log at all. There is a slight smell but I could just say the cat farted.