Laying Garden Turf

[york away to this!]

just sod it...

 

[stony]

Have sex in the garden with an enthusiastic fat girl a few times and you'll soon compact that loose earth.

 

[johnmc]

If you're laying real grass on it, do not use a whacker-plate. If the ground is too hard, the newly-rolled stuff won't "bond" to it.

don't stand on the new stuff when rolled out, lay a plank on it to distribute your weight as much as possible.

And remember, when rolling out the new stuff - green side up.

Happy to help

Thanks. I was thinking of compacting that and then putting some decent top soil on though which would not be compacted with the whacker

 

[mscenterh750]

It's the hot weather, keep jumping up and down, and you'll eventually unearth some bikini clad fanny, that can be laid instead of turf. Just keep em well watered!.

 

[StrangewaysHereWeCome]

Oroight der, Sor. Would ye be wanting yer back gairdin tarmacking?

 

[nijinsky's fetlocks]

Oroight der, Sor. Would ye be wanting yer back gairdin tarmacking?

'...oil feckin' do it for a ton cash, so help me God, an oil lop yer feckin' trees down too, so I will, an oi can't say fairer dan dat.
Feck it - oim robbin' meself feckin' blind here, but we'll call it nointy, and oil even service yer feckin' wife fer nuttin' an all, even if she's a feckin' munter, an trow in some lucky feckin' heather fer good measure.
Can ye let me know soonish though, 'cos de first feckin' race is off in an hour, an me troats as dry as Mother Teresa's feckin' snatch'.

 

[Barcon]

If you're laying real grass on it, do not use a whacker-plate. If the ground is too hard, the newly-rolled stuff won't "bond" to it.

don't stand on the new stuff when rolled out, lay a plank on it to distribute your weight as much as possible.

And remember, when rolling out the new stuff - green side up.

Happy to help

Thanks. I was thinking of compacting that and then putting some decent top soil on though which would not be compacted with the whacker

That would be the correct thing to do.

 

[Kippax.]

Godzilla

 

[StrangewaysHereWeCome]

Oroight der, Sor. Would ye be wanting yer back gairdin tarmacking?

'...oil feckin' do it for a ton cash, so help me God, an oil lop yer feckin' trees down too, so I will, an oi can't say fairer dan dat.
Feck it - oim robbin' meself feckin' blind here, but we'll call it nointy, and oil even service yer feckin' wife fer nuttin' an all, even if she's a feckin' munter, an trow in some lucky feckin' heather fer good measure.
Can ye let me know soonish though, 'cos de first feckin' race is off in an hour, an me troats as dry as Mother Teresa's feckin' snatch'.

Wait, we were doing gyppo stereotypes but then it just turned into you of a morning?!

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

Oroight der, Sor. Would ye be wanting yer back gairdin tarmacking?

'...oil feckin' do it for a ton cash, so help me God, an oil lop yer feckin' trees down too, so I will, an oi can't say fairer dan dat.
Feck it - oim robbin' meself feckin' blind here, but we'll call it nointy, and oil even service yer feckin' wife fer nuttin' an all, even if she's a feckin' munter, an trow in some lucky feckin' heather fer good measure.
Can ye let me know soonish though, 'cos de first feckin' race is off in an hour, an me troats as dry as Mother Teresa's feckin' snatch'.

We had the same fellah round a couple o' weeks agol

You should 'heel' the soil - you walk around yer garden using very short, and I mean fuckin' short steps, putting yer weight on yer heels- a few inches. The neighbours will think your wife has rammed a poker up yer arse, but you have to have the under-surface firm - not solid but firm. I shoved five ton 'o ashes on top of that and then laid the turf, green side up, on top of that. If it doesn't rain inside a couple o' days, get the hose pipe out and water it in the evening for two or three days. Should be like The Etihad in no time.