If...
If you can whine and wail about your bad times,
When your team has never known the worst,
If you can hate ‘oil money’ and injustice,
But think money laundering no big deal,
If you can go to court and get acquitted,
When all men know you slash and steal,
And hating, wonder why you’re hated,
And claim you’re only innocents with ideals.
If you can weep and wail about Disaster,
Yet quite forget the one your friends once caused,
If you can talk of crowds and fans who watch you,
And make out those with more have none at all,
If you can sing a dirge and think it’s magic,
Then sit and watch for 90 all quite mum,
The BBC and Daily Mail will love you,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Scouse, my son!