Man Utd to move to Singapore! (and other spoofs)

talkativesprout

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Joined
30 Mar 2009
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10,416
Man Utd owners, the Glazer family, are selling up their interests in England and they have already sold Old Trafford to Disneyland. The club will move lock, stock (falling at the moment) and barrel to Singapore where they are to be listed on the Singapore stock exchange.

A brand new stadium is being built and will hold 150.000 Man U loony Asian supporters; they have around 180 million there. Man U will remain in the Premier league and fly to away games with their private Turkish Airline jet. Home games are no problem either as other Premier League teams, except Swansea, all own private jets and United will pay their travelling expenses.

The United players are over the moon about the move, especially Giggsy and Rooney (scandals, etc), because they will not be followed by UK paparazzi any more, live in superb multi-million mansions and can have as many affairs as they want (prostitutes tend to slightly cheaper there too).

The move is to take place before the 2013-2014 season begins and when the Glazer family was asked about their Mancunian fan base they answered:

"we don't give a shit about those 2 fans who actually live in Manchester, United are a global concern now and with this move we will earn even more millions; think about the replica shirts we will sell at every home game and India and China are just around the corner, it's a dream move!"

Sir Alex doesn't fancy the move, he's near retiring (?), but his possible heir to the throne; The Special One, José, thinks the idea is spectacular because he wants to get as far away from Barcelona as possible; well that's understandable!
 
Re: Man Utd to move to Singapore!

manimanc said:
ha ha somebody is on the beer already...

i`ll have a pint of what your having mr sprout!!

I wish mate, Its not my work pal, from stolen from

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.thespoof.co.uk/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s6i99547" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.thespoof.co.uk/news/spoof.cf ... e=s6i99547</a>

some good stuff, well worth a read for a chuckle or two
 
Re: Man Utd to move to Singapore!

talkativesprout said:
manimanc said:
ha ha somebody is on the beer already...

i`ll have a pint of what your having mr sprout!!

I wish mate, Its not my work pal, from stolen from

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.thespoof.co.uk/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s6i99547" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.thespoof.co.uk/news/spoof.cf ... e=s6i99547</a>

some good stuff, well worth a read for a chuckle or two

they forgot fergie new babies everyone of the new kids have played for utd youth team for the past 10 years even rooney

they never spend money on players with the youth setup at utd
 
Re: Man Utd to move to Singapore!

That story is more credible than the shit from this mornings Sunday papers!!!
 
Re: Man Utd to move to Singapore!

fulabeer said:
That story is more credible than the shit from this mornings Sunday papers!!!

This one deffo is.

Man U make Champions League group stage draw-master top seed for knock-out phase draw



Manchester United have confirmed they will be making the man who presided over the draw for the Champions League group stage, their top seed to take the reigns for the draw for the knock-out phase of this years competition.

Officials for the Premier League side were said to be suitably impressed by the performance of UEFA General Secretary Gianni Infantino, after finding themselves placed in a group less onerous to escape from than a Strathclyde policewoman.

Last years Wembley runners-up were drawn with Benfica, Basel and Romanian doubt-fit, Otelul Galati.

United Chief Executive David Gill expressed his eagerness to expand the club's influence beyond the realms of cherry picking the curdled cream of English match-day officials.

He told reporters in Zurich, 'Our domestic refereeing co-efficient is renowned for its effectiveness in terms of our selecting of which 'Red Devil' takes charge of all our crucial games in England.'

'It's formed the backbone of Sir Alex's successes.'

'So why shouldn't we exhibit this very same procedure on the European stage in getting some assistance with who we play in Champions League year after year?'

'Our repeated use of the European co-efficient that comes into force as soon as a UEFA rendered hand enters a bowl containing the words 'man' and 'united', repeatedly ensures we swerve any sort of footballing obstacle until getting comprehensively outclassed in the final.'

'It is an admirable demonstration of UEFA working at its most cynical best.'

Gill revealed he would be focusing on maximising potential revenue streams between Manchester United and UEFA for next years draw.

'We hope to have the draw-master in that one might drop one of the ball's whilst wearing a shirt with David de Gea on the back.'

'With the ball a replica of Bobby Charlton's noggin.'

'Perfect.'
 
Re: Man Utd to move to Singapore!

why oh why did we spend on nasri and aguero when zidane cleverley and zico wellback are only down the road??

and sneijder is so desperate to sign for glazerworld that he`s gone on hunger strike...
 

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