Manchester City: A Blue Revolution

[bluemoondays]

Hope you can take criticism.......

If stating facts they have to be right -
Instead of "were in ruin" I would say "were facing constant speculation that their funding was disappearing" or something like that.
40 years is not correct as already mentioned
Get names right - it's either Robinho on its own or Robson da Souza (Robinho)
August 31st (I'd add the year)
Use Abu Dhabi United Group once with (ADUG) after it - then use ADUG later, unless you are paid by the word ;-)
Plastered history - i prefer chequered hstory
The Arabs - The doesn't need to be capitalised
fucking hit it - for general consumption I'd put f**king hit it, gives the message without offending some readers
(in fact only Premiership players) is a redundant statement.
way to many comma's in that para about premiership players also - work a full stop in there.
its publicly not publically

It's not a bad piece in general, and I'm a picky bastard also so don't take it to heart ;-)

 

[Omiclops]

Thanks alot bluemoondays.

I've rewritten it as it was late last night and I missed out some things I thought I should've put in. I'll post it now just before I post it to the site to see if you guys approve :)

Thanks again everyone!


Manchester City: The Blue Revolution.


By Omiclops



Finally, Manchester City fans will be able to witness the changes that have happened over the course of 12 months being finally put into play, after 33 years of being trophy less and having to endure countless seasons of mediocrity.

How things have changed.

Ex-Thailand Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, the Manchester City chairman at the time, had just sacked Sven-Göran Eriksson for a supposed unsuccessful season, despite their second highest ever league finish in his first season in charge. The future looked bleak thereafter while Shinawatra's future as Manchester City chairman was put under heavy scrutiny. Allegations for fraud from the Thailand government had befallen him and manager-less Manchester City were facing constant speculation about their funding and where it had come from.

Until that fateful day of August 31st 2008 when the Abu Dhabi United Group (ADUG) lead by Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan bought out Manchester City Football Club (making Khaldoon Al-Mubarak the Chairman) and changed the entire perspective of the Premier League. Not even the most optimistic City fan could’ve predicted such an outcome. ADUG thus made Manchester City the richest team in the world. It was still hard for most fans to believe, pinching themselves or rubbing their eyes when reading that line.


Furthermore, on that very same day, ADUG made arguably the biggest Coup in City's chequered history; signing Brazilian and Real Madrid forward De Souza Robson (Robinho) from the clutches of hot-favourites Chelsea. The capture of Robinho, at midnight on the last day of the transfer window for £32.5m, broke the British record transfer fee thus showing the Arabs meant business. During the same season in January, City were inches away from acquiring Kaká from AC Milan with an audacious and ground-shattering offer of £96M, only for AC Milan to 'bottle' it due to protests by the Italian fans. Yet a mere 6 months later, Real Madrid made a reduced offer for the same player at £59m, causing no problems and no protests from AC Milan’s part.


Defining Moment


Let's take it back to 1999 in the Division 2 play-off final and City trailing 2-0 to Gillingham with 2 minutes to spare. This was the defining moment in Manchester City's history, as Paul Dickov emerged and scored the equalizer in stoppage time. If only he hadn't 'just f***ing hit it', would Manchester City be where they are today? I sincerely doubt it, and now ADUG want to rewrite Man City's history, filling it with trophies of the Champions League and Premiership.

Man City have spent just over £100M this term, acquiring the services of several Premiership players. Amongst them, Carlos Tevez; Ex-Manchester United forward, leaving Old Trafford to join The Blue Revolution. This showed not only the Premiership, but the world, that City mean business in the transfer market and it is more than money that attract players to Eastlands.

Mark Hughes has been publicly told that his target for this season is the Top 6; however, looking at the transactions that have gone through, one has to suspect that Top 4 is more suited. Arsenal (Toure & Adebayor), Manchester United (Tevez), Aston Villa (Barry), and possibly Everton (Joleon Lescott) have all been unsettled as City have snapped up their top players, weakening them while simultaneously strengthening City.

Hughes has always been known as a cool, calm and composed person. As a player, he boasted such attributes and he has shown this in the interview room and numerous other occasions, whereby most notably Sir Alex Ferguson has blasted him countless times for spending ADUG’s bottomless pit of cash. However, he has remained unruffled and is awaiting his players to do all the talking on the pitch.

All the Welshman needs is time. The Arabs have shown they will give him all the funding required to achieve his goals. It's down to you now, Hughes.

 

[shepboy]

As a report of recent events and history, it does the job well.

I only have one comment, and it's not something I could advise you on how to amend as I don't really have the required creative writing skills to say how.

Now I don't mean to be mean by saying this but, with the multitude of media outlets now, I could read the same kind of report on a number of sites, papers or see or hear on TV or radio.

The thing is, is that I just feel it lacks the personal touch. For example, you comment on the Milan fans but don't really say what you feel about it. I personally find some of the best journalism lets the writer's thoughts and ideas come through and the best examples will leave you thinking afterwards and will sometimes enlighten you

So, as a commentary piece, I honestly think something of a rewrite is required to put more of yourself into it. Although the nuts and bolts of the piece are fine and already in place


I would like to ask that you please don't take this as a criticism on your skills as I would honestly like to see you do well

 

[Omiclops]

I know exactly what you mean, and I realised it after the game. It's my first article so, like Hughes, I need time so I can learn to be better ;)

Thanks alot for the constructive criticism.

 

[LCBblue]

I love it mate, better than the shit I read in the Sun every morning.

 

[Omiclops]

I love it mate, better than the shit I read in the Sun every morning.

Thanks alot, much appreciated. If you want, before I write any others, I'll post them up on here first before submitting them to the site.