My wife and I have been together for 23 years and married for almost 21. I'm not someone who'd stay in the wrong relationship for the sake of having someone, but am much happier facing whatever life throws at me with her by my side than without her. From what she says and how she acts, my wife feels the same.
I don't particularly want to hold myself out as having experience that everyone should take note of as we're all different, but things that have been important for me are:
1. I try to remind myself that the grass isn't always greener. There's a thrill and excitement at the start of a new relationship that inevitably fades a little over the years, though hopefully it's always there even if it burns just a little less brightly. But if you meet someone else with whom you have some kind of spark later on, especially if you're going through a tough situation (often through no fault of the spouse), it doesn't mean the other person's a better long-term bet. They're new and that fact is alluring but it's also deceptive.
2. I'm someone who needs time to myself. I'm happy with my own company for decent spells of time and enjoy solitary pursuits such as reading. My wife will allow me to get on with that when I need to, and she'll go off to be with the family or visit one of her mates. On the other hand, I do want to spend time with her as well, and with the family, especially our grandkids. I know it's important to her for us to do this stuff together as well and we do. We've struck a balance that works for us, though it took some effort and compromise on both sides to get there.
3. I haven't seen this one during my quick run through this thread, but I think it's really important that we laugh together a lot, frequently about stupid things and little in-jokes. Many people observing from outside might witness this type of stuff and think we're puddled, but it keeps us smiling and I think it's a good thing not to go through life being po-faced all the time.
I don't particularly want to hold myself out as having experience that everyone should take note of as we're all different, but things that have been important for me are:
1. I try to remind myself that the grass isn't always greener. There's a thrill and excitement at the start of a new relationship that inevitably fades a little over the years, though hopefully it's always there even if it burns just a little less brightly. But if you meet someone else with whom you have some kind of spark later on, especially if you're going through a tough situation (often through no fault of the spouse), it doesn't mean the other person's a better long-term bet. They're new and that fact is alluring but it's also deceptive.
2. I'm someone who needs time to myself. I'm happy with my own company for decent spells of time and enjoy solitary pursuits such as reading. My wife will allow me to get on with that when I need to, and she'll go off to be with the family or visit one of her mates. On the other hand, I do want to spend time with her as well, and with the family, especially our grandkids. I know it's important to her for us to do this stuff together as well and we do. We've struck a balance that works for us, though it took some effort and compromise on both sides to get there.
3. I haven't seen this one during my quick run through this thread, but I think it's really important that we laugh together a lot, frequently about stupid things and little in-jokes. Many people observing from outside might witness this type of stuff and think we're puddled, but it keeps us smiling and I think it's a good thing not to go through life being po-faced all the time.