Most embarrassing public situation?

Crooked_rain said:
What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you in public? Ever soiled your knickers? Let a big trouser cough slip out? Public boner? Fell over?

Let's hear your stories, it.can be anything
Click to expand...
Was once in the company of some weird wee **** who kept calling ‘Alexander-Arnold’, ‘Trent’ for some unfathomable reason So fucking embarrassing.
 
"I'm JFK... it's an exit wound!" my cry on being admitted (semi-pissed) to A&E in Preston after falling backwards on some cobbles releasing plenty of claret – worried wife admits it was funny/bit of a relief first time she heard it. Three hours later tried to hold a pillow over my face to shut me up (obvs no longer funny)... and pissed off that neighbours had complained about the "fookin' racket" I'd apparently made climbing into/out of a skip on their drive #whingeingtw@z
 
40 years ago, first time I was best man coincided with the first wedding I'd ever been to, so I had no idea what it involved. I planned my speech, wrote my own gags, practised in front of the mirror, and thought I had it off pat.

Then came the champagne breakfast, the increasing nerves, more alcohol and by the time I stood up, I couldn't remember a single word. Stupidly, I'd imagined I could do it all from memory, so I hadn't made notes. "I know," I thought, "I'll buy time by reading out the cards, until my thoughts straighten out." So I read a couple of bland cards out and then came to a longer one. But it was in Polish. So I made a half arsed attempt to read it out, and then threw it to one side. Turned out to have been from a favourite uncle who was most offended. I realised it had gone down like a lead balloon so, quickly, proposed a toast "to the bride and groom" and sat down to very sparse applause. It's all there on the video.

I have been best man twice more and never made the same mistake again but still cringe when I think about it.

I see the folks who were at that wedding at least once a year and have been to all their kid's weddings. The couple, themselves, are still married but the actual wedding has never been mentioned since.
 
I was watching one of my daughters at her swimming lesson last year when about 10 mins from the end of her lesson I suddenly got pretty serious stomach cramps and the sudden urge to have a shit. I quickly made my way to the toilets, and made the mistake of not using the disabled ones. The toilets at the swimming baths were just a run of unisex cubicles, and fortunately the one at the end was available. No sooner had I sat down, I could hear what sounded like two girls and their mother enter the toilets and the two girls made their way to the cubicle next to mine. She said something about waiting for them and they proceeded to get changed in the cubicle.

Now not wanting to have this shit within earshot of anyone, I clenched like never before, in pain, hoping for the girls to hurry up and leave. They took ages, their mother continually shouting 'are you ready yet?'.

Checking my watch, it was now a few minutes after the lesson was finished and I could hear other voices in the vicinity. Not wanting to worry my daughter I felt like I could wait no longer and unleashed a very loud and obviously unpleasant shit to audible disapproval. I cleaned myself up, exited the cubicle and washed my hands at the sinks whilst a horrified mother looked on with her children.

I see her from time to time, and the disgust on her face is still apparent.
 
Got off the train at Oxford road a couple of decades back and completely planked, my mates thought it was hilarious. They assumed I'd missed the step down but I hadn't, my knee had just completely given way. A load of dolled up girls on a night out on the platform edge burst into laughter, all pointing at the pathetic drunkard who'd fallen over, not a one of them offered a hand mind and I'd not even had so much as a wine gum let alone a pint.

Hobbled round for the rest of the night, beer numbing the pain, the following days I was off to a&e and being told I'd torn the cartilage in my knee, not a great one to get in your mid twenties. After the surgery I was told it was even worse, I'd evidently also torn it separately years before and it had tried to repair itself by attaching to the cruciate, so the latest incident had seen me come within a couple of centimetres of having a lifelong limp apparently.
 
Mate of mine went to bed pissed in a hotel bollock naked then got the room door mixed up with the bathroom door and had to go down to reception carrying a pot plant in front to get them to let him back in.
 
I was about 14 and at a house party.

Had 2 litres of White Lightening cider, drank a quarter of it and filled it back up with Southern Comfort.

Ended up collapsing in the front garden and an ambulance came for me.
They had to wheel me into the hospital and spent the next 2 days throwing my insides up.

They let me go home but I still couldnt get out of bed for about a week.
Missed the city game which i was gutted about.
Blagged my mum i was drinking Hooch and i wasnt aware it was an alcoholic drink.

The clueless woman believed me and i’ve never told her the truth - this was 30 years ago.

Not touched Cider or Southern Comfort since
 
So, I followed the ambulance down to Birch Hill Hospital as she had gone into Labour earlier than planned. I had to drop off the car the following morning at Carcraft for it's annual service, so came up with the cunning plan of dropping it off on route and following on quickly with a taxi. (down here for dancing)

I parked the car up safely and as the garage was closed I went to the entrance to throw the keys through the letterbox. As it was a Golf Gti and prone to theft I put my full hand through the letterbox to throw my keys as far as I could through the reception entrance porch. The throw was superlative and landed were no one could fish them out.

So I pulled my hand out, but it wouldn't come out so I wriggled it about for 5 minutes and pushed and pulled and it got proper swollen. So I had no phone on me and as the birth of the infant child was due at any time I shouted to the roadside that was around 100 yards away for help.

After 10 minutes I still could not free myself, so I shouted out with more energy "help help help me please ..help"
After around 20 minutes someone saw me, but they just waved back and I can only summise they were either deaf or too cautious to come over, as it's such a dog rough place.

A short while after a gentleman came over and rung the fire brigade for me, and to be fair they came very quickly. They remained semi proffesional in their mannerism, in that they did not laugh out loud, but rather made grunty sniggery noises akin to what the guards did in the monty python biggus dickus sketch.

After 20 minutes I was cut free with the letter box still on my wrist, which they then cut and chopped with some tool that I've not seen before. We exchanged pleasantries and I offered up thanks, then asked them to order me a taxi to Birch Hill.
A wonderful ending it would have if they had run me there, but if memory serves, they were called to another shout.

Shame .. Shame .. Shame
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Was in London and since it's just before pay day was a wee bit cash strapped. Had to catch the tube to meet some pals, but thought I'd save a bit on the fare for beer tokens.

As soon as I slipped through the turnstile some posh Eton sounding twat shoved a camera in my face and started trying to shame me for not paying. Told him to fuck off.

Video ended up getting millions of views.

Still skipped the fare on the way back anyway....
 
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