Hi folks.
My mum has passed away. She’d been suffering with dementia over the past few years, but had worsened quite significantly over the past few months.
I used to phone her everyday (she was in a care home in Notts), but was close to my cousins who lived nearby).
I last saw her awake about 2 weeks ago when we went to visit. Was perhaps the first time I thought she didn’t immediately recognise me. She didn’t look well and fell into deep sleeps quite regularly.
Then I got a call from my elder cousin who was very close to her (almost like a daughter) on Sunday to tell me she’d been taken in to hospital with pneumonia and had anywhere between 2 and 24 hours left.
So we (the kids and my ex) got ready and drove down to see her.
We were all quite strong until we were metres from the room and then the emotions kicked in. When we saw her with a face mask pumping oxygen into her we all pretty much broke down. We all have her a bunch of positive affirmations and then spent the next few hours with her.
She was pretty stable so I got the fam a nearby hotel so they could sleep and I could stay over (had to drop my eldest daughter and her mum off at the station the next day as they had work to go to).
On the Monday by late afternoon she was still going, but my youngest kids couldn’t face any more time (understandably) so I had to make the decision to take them back home to Manchester (I’d not slept for 2 days so was tough drive).
Long story short my daughter wanted to go see her the next day but needed to return each evening - nothing I could do about this even though there was that edge of guilt I’d maybe miss her passing.
I finally got the call at 2am Thursday morning that she’s passed away (other family members were there).
I lost my dad at 11 but couldn’t face seeing him. But I was with my mum all week this time. On Tuesday she still had some grip in her hands, she occasionally appeared to respond to us talking to her (by lifting her eyebrows) but by Wednesday she was limp and the breaths were short and shallow, so was only a matter of time.
She's been incredibly resilient.
I feel without the dementia she would’ve been in good health for many years as she was a youthful ‘old’ (she was 83).
I’ve had some good crys but it’s difficult and it’s been such a deep, sad experience.
This week was compounded by my estranged sister (she’s a genuinely unpleasant character) and her kids which we knew had been fleecing her for years (we found out about 2 years ago my sister had taken her to her bank and withdrawn her money then left her to find her own way home in a state of confusion).
I (and my cousins) have had to keep our counsel and remain calm whilst they’ve been there but the internal anger has been immense. It wasn’t pleasant with them being there knowing what they put her through (but not the time nor place for expressing that anger).
As executor of the will I suspect them to attempt some challenge at one stage (which is surreal given how much they stole off her over the year, especially when she began to fall into dementia), but we’ll see.
This will be a closing chapter on them too.
Life’s tough sometime isn’t it.
