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Anonymous
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Stop it now, my bloody sides are hurting!blue jim said:
NI minister's wife
- Thread starter mammutly
- Start date
jimharri
Moderator
That's just what Iris said to the young lad!strongbowholic said:
AlexWilliamsGloves
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Anonymous
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I laughed so hard, I farted!
jimharri
Moderator
Post of the day; may as well shut the forum until tomorrow!AlexWilliamsGloves said:
AlexWilliamsGloves
Well-Known Member
I cant take credit, but made me laugh :-)
BELFAST_BLUE_BOY
Well-Known Member
Iris Robinson has decided to switch to catholicism after hearing from her local priest that it only cost a mars bar and 50p to shag a young boy rather than 50 grand and a cafe
bluereddish
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 24 Sep 2008
- Messages
- 1,230
Why is Iris Robinson like Ikea?
One dirty screw and the whole cabinet falls apart.
and..............................Heres to you Mrs Robinson
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRwTj6iXnSI" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRwTj6iXnSI</a>
One dirty screw and the whole cabinet falls apart.
and..............................Heres to you Mrs Robinson
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRwTj6iXnSI" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRwTj6iXnSI</a>
AlexWilliamsGloves
Well-Known Member
Sorry to dig it up AGAIN...but it gets worse (better?)
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/iris-robinson-scandal-kirk-mccambley-replaced-his-late-father-in-every-sense-14633347.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/ ... 33347.html</a>
There are also rumblings she had an affair with Sammy Wilson, another DUP Minister....and coincidently was a Teacher at my school :-)
<a class="postlink" href="http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/iris-robinson-scandal-kirk-mccambley-replaced-his-late-father-in-every-sense-14633347.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/ ... 33347.html</a>
There are also rumblings she had an affair with Sammy Wilson, another DUP Minister....and coincidently was a Teacher at my school :-)
bluereddish
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- 24 Sep 2008
- Messages
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Lifted from :- <a class="postlink" href="http://www.noplaceinthesun.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.noplaceinthesun.com/</a>
Peter Robinson went to specsavers and complained that his eyes had been watery since March. The optician said "I know what's wrong, there's been something stuck in your Iris."
Tiger Woods has issued a statement that he didn't have an affair with Iris Robinson. He admitted that he was a sex addict, but he said that he wasn't that desperate.
The big news in Northern Ireland today is that the UDA decommissioned their weapons, and Iris Robinson decommissioned her knickers! Peter said that if he got hold of the little f**ker he would put his weapon beyond use.
Ulster says NO, but Iris says "YES, YES, Yes..."
It has been revealed that Iris had the affair with former Catchphrase host Roy Walker. In a statement issued today he said.
' She's married, it was good but it's not right'
Ulster Says Ho!
Iris: "Honey, the butcher's boy is in financial difficulty; what should I do?"
Peter: "That little bollix? Don't worry about him; f**k him, give him a few pound."
The Parades Commission has been asked two fundamental questions. 1. Did they give permission for Iris to be banged more times than a Lambeg Drum? and, 2. Was she taken up the traditional route?
The DUP conference had to be moved from the Europa Hotel because too many members were popping into Robinson's for a quickie.
Iris Robinson is retiring from public life, except that she will continue to sit on the public affairs committee.
Iris got a call from one of her lovers, and the police "listeners" heard her say "f**k off, Gerry, I'll tell him myself. You can't handle another sex scandal."
"Nothing queer about my wife" said Peter Robinson today. "Our family only f**ks Orangemen, and they always take the traditional route."
The First Minister sent a text to his wife. It read:
"Dear Iris, You must realize that you are 60 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this text, I will be at the Europa Hotel with my 20-year-old campaign assistant. I'll be home before midnight. God Bless Ulster"
When he got back home, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Peter. You are also 60 years old, and by the time you get this I will be at the Coffee Shop with my 19 year old toyboy.
Given the great mathematician that you are, you can easily understand that 20 goes into 60 a lot more times than 60 goes into 20. Don't wait up, I may be some time."
Iris Robinson said today that she wouldn't normally have an affair with somebody so young, but if it was good enough for the Adams Family....
Peter Robinson is helping out behind the bar at the Lock-Keeper's Inn. A man comes up to the bar and orders a pint. 'Here you are' says Peter, 'that'll be five pence.'
'Five pence?' asks the customer. 'Are you sure?'
'Sure, I'm sure. Five pence.'
'Ok, I'll have a double brandy on the side and a bottle of whiskey to take home.'
'Certainly sir, that'll be ten pence altogether.'
'Ten pence? That's mad. Are you the guy that owns this place?'
'No, he's upstairs with my wife.'
'What's he doing with your wife?'
'Same thing I'm doing with his business.'
Iris was very ill, and her loving husband sat by her bedside, holding her hand. She beckoned him to bend down so she could whisper in his ear.
'Darling, I have something to confess.'
'It's ok, sweetheart, there's no need.'
'But I must, darling. I've had an affair.'
'An affair? With whom, darling?'
'With that nice boy that we gave the money to.'
'I knew that already, darling.'
'Did you, dearest?'
'Of course darling, now just rest and let the poison work.'
Santa: Ho Ho Ho; Ho Ho Ho
Peter Robinson: How dare you talk about my wife like that!
Peter Robinson comes home and finds his young friend on top of his naked 60 year old wife. 'Kid', he said, shaking his head. 'I have to, but you?'
Peter Robinson gets off early from an all-night session of the decommissioning body and arrives home at four a.m. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undresses in the dark and slips into bed. She stirs and says 'Darling, I have a splitting headache, would you mind slipping down to the all-night Tesco's and getting me a packet of aspirin?'
'Certainly, my dear' he says, and feeling his way across the dark room he gets dressed again and goes down to the shop. The cashier looks at him strangely.
'Excuse me, but aren't you Peter Robinson?'
'Yes, I am. Why do you ask?'
'I was just wondering why you're dressed up as a Catholic Priest.'
Iris was rolling passionately around the bed with a young man when Peter walked in.
'Iris! What in the name of Ian Paisley is going on here? Who is this young man?'
His wife looked at him sheepishly.
'You're right, dear, that's a fair question.'
She turned to her lover on the bed.
'What did you say your name was again?'
Peter Robinson arrive home late and found Iris in bed with a lover. She pushed the young man off her and glared at her husband.
'What kept you until this hour? Don't you know what time it is?'
Peter pointed to the young man. 'Who is this guy, and what's he doing in our bed?'
'That's right, go on and change the subject and never answer the question; typical bloody politician.'
Peter Robinson came home one day and found Iris in bed with a midget.
He yelled at her angrily. 'Damn you, Iris, I thought you promised that you wouldn't cheat on me again.'
'Come on, honey, don't be mad. Can't you see I'm cutting down.'
Iris Robinson was standing in the kitchen, preparing her usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. Peter walked in, almost awake, she turned to him and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
His eyes lit up and he thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Peter and Iris are driving down the M1 when she turns to him and says 'I want a divorce.'
He says nothing, but speeds up a little.
She says 'I don't want you to talk me out of it, I've been having an affair with a younger man, and he's a much better lover than you.'
He still says nothing, but speeds up to 60 mph.
She says 'I want the house.' He speeds up to 70, still saying nothing.
'I want the kids too, and the dogs.' He speeds up to 80 mph.
'And I'm taking the cheque book and the money in the bank.'
He speeds up to 90 mph and veers off on to a slip road.
She looks at him nervously. 'Is there anything you want?'
'No' he says, 'I've got everything I need, right here.'
'And what's that?'
'The airbag' he says, as he hits the wall.
Peter Robinson was wandering round Stormont, thinking about how glamorous his wife was, and how lucky he was to be married to her. He spoke to God.
'God, why did you make Iris so attractive?'
'So you would notice her, my son.'
'And why did you give her such dress sense?'
'So you could admire her, my son.'
'And why did you make her such a good cook, and a good mother?'
'So you could love her, my son.'
'But Lord, why in heaven's name did you make so f**king thick?'
'So she could fall for you, my son.'
Peter: 'Iris, darling, tell me something that makes me happy and makes me sad, all in the one sentence.'
Iris: 'Martin McGuinness has a smaller mickey than you.'
A repentant Iris Robinson is taking lessons from the Catholic clergy. She realises now it was wrong to have sex with a boy and give him fifty grand and a cafe when the priests can get the same deal for fifty pence and a bar of chocolate.
Peter Robinson went to specsavers and complained that his eyes had been watery since March. The optician said "I know what's wrong, there's been something stuck in your Iris."
Tiger Woods has issued a statement that he didn't have an affair with Iris Robinson. He admitted that he was a sex addict, but he said that he wasn't that desperate.
The big news in Northern Ireland today is that the UDA decommissioned their weapons, and Iris Robinson decommissioned her knickers! Peter said that if he got hold of the little f**ker he would put his weapon beyond use.
Ulster says NO, but Iris says "YES, YES, Yes..."
It has been revealed that Iris had the affair with former Catchphrase host Roy Walker. In a statement issued today he said.
' She's married, it was good but it's not right'
Ulster Says Ho!
Iris: "Honey, the butcher's boy is in financial difficulty; what should I do?"
Peter: "That little bollix? Don't worry about him; f**k him, give him a few pound."
The Parades Commission has been asked two fundamental questions. 1. Did they give permission for Iris to be banged more times than a Lambeg Drum? and, 2. Was she taken up the traditional route?
The DUP conference had to be moved from the Europa Hotel because too many members were popping into Robinson's for a quickie.
Iris Robinson is retiring from public life, except that she will continue to sit on the public affairs committee.
Iris got a call from one of her lovers, and the police "listeners" heard her say "f**k off, Gerry, I'll tell him myself. You can't handle another sex scandal."
"Nothing queer about my wife" said Peter Robinson today. "Our family only f**ks Orangemen, and they always take the traditional route."
The First Minister sent a text to his wife. It read:
"Dear Iris, You must realize that you are 60 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this text, I will be at the Europa Hotel with my 20-year-old campaign assistant. I'll be home before midnight. God Bless Ulster"
When he got back home, there was a letter waiting for him that read as follows:
"Dear Peter. You are also 60 years old, and by the time you get this I will be at the Coffee Shop with my 19 year old toyboy.
Given the great mathematician that you are, you can easily understand that 20 goes into 60 a lot more times than 60 goes into 20. Don't wait up, I may be some time."
Iris Robinson said today that she wouldn't normally have an affair with somebody so young, but if it was good enough for the Adams Family....
Peter Robinson is helping out behind the bar at the Lock-Keeper's Inn. A man comes up to the bar and orders a pint. 'Here you are' says Peter, 'that'll be five pence.'
'Five pence?' asks the customer. 'Are you sure?'
'Sure, I'm sure. Five pence.'
'Ok, I'll have a double brandy on the side and a bottle of whiskey to take home.'
'Certainly sir, that'll be ten pence altogether.'
'Ten pence? That's mad. Are you the guy that owns this place?'
'No, he's upstairs with my wife.'
'What's he doing with your wife?'
'Same thing I'm doing with his business.'
Iris was very ill, and her loving husband sat by her bedside, holding her hand. She beckoned him to bend down so she could whisper in his ear.
'Darling, I have something to confess.'
'It's ok, sweetheart, there's no need.'
'But I must, darling. I've had an affair.'
'An affair? With whom, darling?'
'With that nice boy that we gave the money to.'
'I knew that already, darling.'
'Did you, dearest?'
'Of course darling, now just rest and let the poison work.'
Santa: Ho Ho Ho; Ho Ho Ho
Peter Robinson: How dare you talk about my wife like that!
Peter Robinson comes home and finds his young friend on top of his naked 60 year old wife. 'Kid', he said, shaking his head. 'I have to, but you?'
Peter Robinson gets off early from an all-night session of the decommissioning body and arrives home at four a.m. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undresses in the dark and slips into bed. She stirs and says 'Darling, I have a splitting headache, would you mind slipping down to the all-night Tesco's and getting me a packet of aspirin?'
'Certainly, my dear' he says, and feeling his way across the dark room he gets dressed again and goes down to the shop. The cashier looks at him strangely.
'Excuse me, but aren't you Peter Robinson?'
'Yes, I am. Why do you ask?'
'I was just wondering why you're dressed up as a Catholic Priest.'
Iris was rolling passionately around the bed with a young man when Peter walked in.
'Iris! What in the name of Ian Paisley is going on here? Who is this young man?'
His wife looked at him sheepishly.
'You're right, dear, that's a fair question.'
She turned to her lover on the bed.
'What did you say your name was again?'
Peter Robinson arrive home late and found Iris in bed with a lover. She pushed the young man off her and glared at her husband.
'What kept you until this hour? Don't you know what time it is?'
Peter pointed to the young man. 'Who is this guy, and what's he doing in our bed?'
'That's right, go on and change the subject and never answer the question; typical bloody politician.'
Peter Robinson came home one day and found Iris in bed with a midget.
He yelled at her angrily. 'Damn you, Iris, I thought you promised that you wouldn't cheat on me again.'
'Come on, honey, don't be mad. Can't you see I'm cutting down.'
Iris Robinson was standing in the kitchen, preparing her usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. Peter walked in, almost awake, she turned to him and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
His eyes lit up and he thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck. Happy, but a little puzzled, he asked, "What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
Peter and Iris are driving down the M1 when she turns to him and says 'I want a divorce.'
He says nothing, but speeds up a little.
She says 'I don't want you to talk me out of it, I've been having an affair with a younger man, and he's a much better lover than you.'
He still says nothing, but speeds up to 60 mph.
She says 'I want the house.' He speeds up to 70, still saying nothing.
'I want the kids too, and the dogs.' He speeds up to 80 mph.
'And I'm taking the cheque book and the money in the bank.'
He speeds up to 90 mph and veers off on to a slip road.
She looks at him nervously. 'Is there anything you want?'
'No' he says, 'I've got everything I need, right here.'
'And what's that?'
'The airbag' he says, as he hits the wall.
Peter Robinson was wandering round Stormont, thinking about how glamorous his wife was, and how lucky he was to be married to her. He spoke to God.
'God, why did you make Iris so attractive?'
'So you would notice her, my son.'
'And why did you give her such dress sense?'
'So you could admire her, my son.'
'And why did you make her such a good cook, and a good mother?'
'So you could love her, my son.'
'But Lord, why in heaven's name did you make so f**king thick?'
'So she could fall for you, my son.'
Peter: 'Iris, darling, tell me something that makes me happy and makes me sad, all in the one sentence.'
Iris: 'Martin McGuinness has a smaller mickey than you.'
A repentant Iris Robinson is taking lessons from the Catholic clergy. She realises now it was wrong to have sex with a boy and give him fifty grand and a cafe when the priests can get the same deal for fifty pence and a bar of chocolate.