Older Dads - Advice Please?

My current issue is that my Father doesn't seem to want to engage in any way with me.

It seems to me that you are seen by your father (and his family) as a threat to what I assume is a life that he is now very happy with.

I suspect that the only way he will embrace you as a part of his life is if you address that perception.

I totally disagree that you should walk away - for no other reason than you would be hurting yourself. The fact that he came when you were in hospital suggests that he still cares for you. There's a little bit of hope there I'm sure.
 
1961_vintage said:
My current issue is that my Father doesn't seem to want to engage in any way with me.

It seems to me that you are seen by your father (and his family) as a threat to what I assume is a life that he is now very happy with.

I suspect that the only way he will embrace you as a part of his life is if you address that perception.

I totally disagree that you should walk away - for no other reason than you would be hurting yourself. The fact that he came when you were in hospital suggests that he still cares for you. There's a little bit of hope there I'm sure.
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Well said, dad.
 
Sad story Ste. Reading your post my initial reaction is that you should draw a line under it and move on. The best thing you could say is that it's been a fairly crappy relationship for most of your life, are you going to let it bother you for the next 20 years too?
And the other way of looking at it, based on my experience. Growing up, my dad was a bit of a ****. He had absolutely no time for me and my brother, he was always in the pub and always pissed and in a foul mood. He never did fuck all with us, never took an interest in us, and actually seemed to resent us. I can remember going on holiday once in my whole childhood. I can also remember him setting fire to the kitchen twice while pissed, getting nicked for drink driving 3 times and smashing my face in on a door frame when he hurled me across the room, pissed again. I don't know what was the catalyst for change, but when I was about 20, he started to change. Perhaps he started to think of us more as equals, perhaps he was drinking a lot less. Either way, over the next few years he became more like a really good mate, brilliant company at family gatherings, or down the pub with me and my brother. He started drinking in moderation and enjoying life. Its weird to start having a dad at 20 years old! He died 7 years ago at 63 after a long battle with cancer and there isn't a day goes by when I don't think about him.
There is no right and wrong to your dilemma buddy. The answer will reveal itself eventually. All the best.
 
The main thing ste is having no regrets whatever you decide to do, my old man died 10 years ago, I only saw him once maybe twice a year as he lived abroad and always at my expense/effort, my brother never bothered for the last 20 years of my fathers life, though the relationship wasn't perfect I have no regrets regarding my dad, where as my brother still has
 
I don't really come on here much anymore..
However it's threads like this where you remember what a great place this forum is!
Some great advice already given Ste...I believe your dad is a pussy and does what his Mrs tells him to do!!
I just wish you well, and hopefully see you soon at a Bm pissup : )
 
Sometimes this sort of father son relationship passes on from generations, I had a step father who bullied me mentally for years,eventually I couldn't take it any longer, joined the paras and when I came out bided my time and gave him a slap, I could easily have damaged him but thought naa, my son gets as much as I can off me same as my daughters, the thing is I sometimes have to oppress feelings towards others all because of the paranoia he put me through. You see it doesn't matter what someone has done in the passed its how you deal with your own future. What you do now could effect the people around you, forget your past look forward I mean you are also watching one of the best football sides this club as ever produced, what isn't their to love about life, clear your mind let him come to you if he feels the needs too if not its his loss.
 
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