Hello City fans,
First, I would like to thank you all for the kind comments you wrote about my nephew , Stephen Boardman. I know it has been three years since Stephen's untimely, and tragic death , but the pain is still very raw and we still cannot make sense of what has happened.
I came across this thread after googling my nephew's name along with Bury Blues, as I was aware Ste was the founder of the Bury Blues Supporters' Club . His birthday is on the 23rd March and I still think of him everyday, as, I'm sure his mum does, since he died , and still feel distraught about what had happened to him. I found this site today and I was touched by the lovely comments about Ste and I noticed that a lot of people who had either met him, or conversed with him on this site , wrote lovely things about him and wrote that Ste was a genuine guy. You are all so right. That was true. Ste was a genuine, young man, very out spoken, but spoke with a lot of compassion on a number of subjects, but he was genuine and , as someone posted on here, the salt of the earth. He was also a very sensitive, young man and inside, he cared deeply for others, although, I do feel he struggled to articulate his feelings and to let people know that he cared. Following his death, we found that he had befriended a young man in Africa and had looked after him for a few years, by sending him parcels of clothes, shoes, his old mobile phones and other goods, yet , kept quiet about it, as he did these kind actions , not for recognition, but out of genuine care. Ste was very vulnerable, and kind hearted, but a lot of people didnt know that and some would judge him harshly.
When I was admitted to hospital 6 years ago after having an asthma attack, Ste went out of his way to visit me , as most people were too busy to visit. You know when somebody cares, not when they use their free time , but when they MAKE free time to go out of their way to do something for somebody else. That was Ste. Unfortunately, some people only saw Ste as an argumentative, opinionated , controversial, young man. Yes, he spoke out on a number of occasions, but he never wanted to deliberately hurt anyone, even though he was hurting inside. Ste was quite often misunderstood by many people. It was such a shame. Despite his vulnerbility, emotional pain and suffering , ( Ste had depression and anxiety), he also made free time, on numerous occasions, to help others raise money for the charity , Cancer Research. That has never been recognised, simply because he just got on with it without any fuss and allowed others to grab the attention and limelight. Not many people know of his charity work. As far as I am aware, he never shared his charity and voluntary work on social media , as many people do. I had never, ever heard him talk about his good deeds. He really was a modest, young man.
During the last few weeks before his death, it was painful to hear that Ste had a strong belief that everybody disliked him and he felt he was better off dead. He didnt deserve to feel like that. I feel so much sorrow and sadness knowing how he felt before his death.
I'm aware that these beliefs are part of the symptoms of depression and I only wish he had opened up much earlier on.
Finding out he had this inbedded belief has broken my heart , and even moreso, after reading the comments on this thread about Ste. If only Ste knew that his fellow city fans on this forum actually had nice things to say about him and that you really liked him . Ste had got it so wrong and it cost him his life. Oh, Ste if only you knew how wrong you were.
Do you know that 86 young men a week take their own lives in the UK. Yes, that's right, In the UK, 86 men a week take their own life and I've no doubt this number has increased during lockdown.
Men need to talk about how they feel and seek help. There is no shame in admitting that you are not well and need help. Men need to know that mental illness is not a sign of weakness and that opening up and talking is a sign of strength. It takes strength and courage to open up about how you feel, and men need to know that they are already strong, brave and courageous people and it's ok to express how they feel without feeling ashamed or embarrassed.
Please disregard this misconception that men need to keep quiet , keep a stiff upper lip , and just get on with it to be 'a real man.' A real man is human who has the same emotions and feelings as a woman. It's also ok for men to cry. It's also ok to talk, and to express your emotions and feelings. It's ok to ask for help when you need it the most. Do not suffer in silence.
We must get rid of this misguided belief that men shouldn't admit that they are in a dark place, or that they should not cry - you were given tears for a reason. We need to get our young men talking . We need to look out for our young men and they also need to look after their own well being, too. This also applies to women , but I am just emphasizing the fact that there are 86 men a week who take their own lives and something needs to be done about it.
It's too late for my lovely nephew, but it is not too late for anyone out there feeling in absolute dispair. Please , please seek help if you are not well. You can call the Samaritians , and speak to a trained, mental health counsellor . You can reach out to other mental health charities too, such as, PAPYRUS and MIND and there are many more mental health organisations available. Please dont give up. Please do not suffer alone and in silence. There is always somebody who will listen and want to help .There is hope and your best days haven't even happened, yet and you still have new people to meet and new stuff to do. Please talk! Please get help.
Thank you, again, City fans, for your support and kind comments regarding Stephen. We really did love you, Stephen and still do.
RIP Ste - founder of the Bury Blues, Supporters' Club - Auntie Aline xxx
