On a long drive yesterday and flicking through the stations I had Talkshite on. I wasn't expecting to keep it on long but the non-stop incompetence and bollocks speak had me transfixed. The programme I was listening to was in the afternoon and was hosted, I think, by Nat Coombs with Martin 'Mad Dog' Allen as his guest.
Discussing Newcastle's best player last season they both immediately went for Remy. Then Allen chimed in with "There was that midfield player who was good. Central midfielder. You know. They sold him." Both ummed and aahed for a good 30 seconds before someone in the studio prompted Coombs. "Cabaye" he says as if he'd thought it up on his own.
Allen said he met Roberto Martinez some years ago at a Swansea reserve game in Port Talbot among the "coal mining factories". Er, no Martin, that would be the steelworks you thick fuck.
Talking about the new Championship season Coombs said "Any one of 12 or 13 teams could go up." Just the one then?
Discussing Northampton's manager who only arrived in January but dragged them off the bottom of the table to avoid relegation to the Conference, Allen said that he was a "Red Adair escape artist". Ignoring of course that Red Adair wasn't an escape artist. He extinguished oil well fires.
Then that buffoon Matt Scott helpfully advised us that next Sunday's Community Shield is between Manchester United and Arsenal. Nobody corrected him so I assume nobody noticed and that it was a Freudian slip.