Teenagers and violence

C C

Centur100ns

Well-Known Member
Joined
4 Aug 2018
Messages
62
I have just had a heated discussion with my wife and I am hoping someone can shed their worldly advice on how you combat this please as it all seems bonkers to me.

To set the scene, my wife’s friend is divorced, has been for a number of years. Married a man who told her he was Italian and just before they got married she found out he was Albanian. Yes I know what you are thinking.

They are now divorced but have 2 children and unfortunately the oldest son who is year 11 has become a nightmare.

His dad has met another woman a number of years ago and had a child, whereas my wife’s friend developed breast cancer and has just finished treatment after several months whilst trying to raise the two boys.

The Year 11 son has been hanging round with someone who is selling drugs and her son has been blaming her for the divorce and both him and his dad have bizarrely been blaming my wife’s friend for getting cancer etc.

Her son has now taken to smashing the house up and although she has called the police numerous times they have said there is nothing they can do unless he commits a criminal offence. Surely smashing the house up is a criminal offence.

Her younger son is petrified of his brother and she is scared he will hurt her. So much so she has a lock on her door.

I am finding the whole thing bizarre with my wife frequently telling me, if you ever think you are having a bad time just think what ****** is going through.

Apparently her son was in hospital for 4 days for his own health which is when I started to think, surely if he has been admitted to hospital social services should be involved and trying to come to a solution, but it sounds like it is all back to how it was with him smashing the house up.

I have told my wife tonight that if she is genuinely concerned she should phone the police herself and tell them she is genuinely concerned her friend is going to get hurt by her son.

She said she has done this but her friend didn’t answer.

Has anyone got any decent suggestions other than the traditional blowing the house up, smashing back doors in and sharing pictures.

I am in that middle road whereby, is she exaggerating the circumstances to make my wife feel sorry for her or is there genuinely no help for someone in this situation which would be extremely concerning.
 
I’ve been a foster parent for 20 years and hear similar stories regularly. Social services are mainly arse covering these days after several high profile failures starting with the death of “baby P”, but they do try and help even if it doesn’t feel like it mostly.

First port of call contact the councils child services and they can start an investigation - breaking up the house sounds like an anger issue from trauma, but this is not “normal” behaviour and they have trained staff that could help. In fairness the police should have reported it to them when called, maybe they did?

We have a “stronger family” team to try and resolve this sort of thing before things go too far, for cost alone the SS don’t want to take children if possible.

Sounds like it’s not great for the kids or the mother so don’t feel like you shouldn’t step in, it could change their lives for the better.

All that said, I’ve raised over 50 kids and I still know sod all! The buggers all seem to be different…
 
Uwe Already said:
I’ve been a foster parent for 20 years and hear similar stories regularly. Social services are mainly arse covering these days after several high profile failures starting with the death of “baby P”, but they do try and help even if it doesn’t feel like it mostly.

First port of call contact the councils child services and they can start an investigation - breaking up the house sounds like an anger issue from trauma, but this is not “normal” behaviour and they have trained staff that could help. In fairness the police should have reported it to them when called, maybe they did?

We have a “stronger family” team to try and resolve this sort of thing before things go too far, for cost alone the SS don’t want to take children if possible.

Sounds like it’s not great for the kids or the mother so don’t feel like you shouldn’t step in, it could change their lives for the better.

All that said, I’ve raised over 50 kids and I still know sod all! The buggers all seem to be different…
Click to expand...
50 kids?? Cap well and truly doffed to you. Great work:-)
 
RadcliffeRick said:
50 kids?? Cap well and truly doffed to you. Great work:-)
Click to expand...
Cheers - that was in 2020 for which my wife and I got invited to Buckingham palace for a garden party (was delayed by Covid till 2022 but kept thinking marillion) it’s a bit more now we do temporary emergency placements.

All our guests bring pleasure - some by arriving, some by leaving :)
 
Combat Carl said:
It's time for that kid to pack his bags up for his Dad's it seems. I guarantee after 3 months there he'll want his Mum again and become a good boy.
Click to expand...
Apparently her ex husband now tells her that she should have split the kids up years ago and sent the eldest to live with him however he never offered that at the time and now she has said he can go and live with him, he has conveniently told her there is no room for him now. Her Ex has suggested that she should sell her house and give him half the money to allow him to buy a bigger house so he can stay.
 
single mother households im afraid. controversial but true. dads walking away, mothers having zero power or struggling to raise a young man. discipline comes from the father.
 
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