Trouble's always lurking when you leave your own backyard.

[sweynforkbeard]

From todays Sunday Times Travel section:
'A British tourist on an excursion designed to overcome her fear of monkeys has been savaged by a gang of macaques. Dee Darwell, 56, from Cambridgeshire, travelled to Monkey Island, off Phuket, to overcome her maimouphobia, but collapsed after being set upon by the primates, one of which left "a deep, deep hole pumping blood" in her arm. Ms Darwell, who attributes her fear to an "evil" chimpanzee owned by her father, is warning tourists to Thailand to stay away from the monkeys.'
I believe she has now gibbon up on looking for a cure.

 

[Halfpenny]

Bet they were going ape!

 

[pee dubya]

I bet she had a proper panic macaque.

 

[manctheknife]

my own lifelong fear of killer octupi is easily managed...i don't go anywhere near the bastards...

 

[ali benarbia's studs]

for being that stupid.....they should let those monkey s live with her! a zoo...in england.... to travel how many thousand of miles to get attacked by monkey`s...i don t know words fail me!

 

[sweynforkbeard]

It was the "evil" chimpanzee reference that set me off and maimouphobia is my word of the week to slip into conversation down the local.

 

[Anonymous]

which is why i will never bungee jump or jump out of a plane

that reinforces everything that i fear about heights

not only would the rope snap, i would survive only to be eaten be crocodiles - foot first.

 

[sweynforkbeard]

which is why i will never bungee jump or jump out of a plane

that reinforces everything that i fear about heights

not only would the rope snap, i would survive only to be eaten be crocodiles - foot first.

At least with flying you're pretty safe from evil chimpanzees, unless you use Brtitish Airways of course.

 

[mcfc01]

They seemed alright when i was there.She must have antagonised them!

 

[Bluebird1]

Silly woman.

Why would you go there to get over a fear of monkeys? It's not as if they're something you will meet in everyday life.

 

[Barcon]

Dozy cow. I'm a feared of guys in hockey masks with chainsaws, so I avoid them.

 

[Prestwich_Blue]

Do you think the same company could organise something similar to help get over my fear of nymphomaniacs?

 

[tueartsboots]

Do you think the same company could organise something similar to help get over my fear of nymphomaniacs?

I'm fairly certain they wouldn't be nymphomaniacs for long- lesbians maybe !

 

[Swales lives]

I'm looking after a 'friends' shit dog (a poncey little King Charles Cockerspaniel handbag WAG twat), and it keeps running after the lawnmower and yip-yapping at it instead of just keeping out of the way, the thick fucker.

On the plus side, when I smear marmalade over my cock and present it as breakfast, things are fine.
So it's not all bad.

 

[sweynforkbeard]

I'm looking after a 'friends' shit dog (a poncey little King Charles Cockerspaniel handbag WAG twat), and it keeps running after the lawnmower and yip-yapping at it instead of just keeping out of the way, the thick fucker.

On the plus side, when I smear marmalade over my cock and present it as breakfast, things are fine.
So it's not all bad.

Bear in mind that dogs need a range of nutrients - some mornings why not blu tack cornflakes to your member and present it in a bowl of milk (semi-skimmed of course) as a stimulating alternative?

 

[mammutly]

Reminds me of the bloke who took a bungee jump to overcome his fear of heights.

He made a big impression

 

[Hamann Pineapple]

Silly woman.

Why would you go there to get over a fear of monkeys? It's not as if they're something you will meet in everyday life.

I know, they shoulda just bought her some PG Tips. Daft buggers.

 

[Swales lives]

I'm looking after a 'friends' shit dog (a poncey little King Charles Cockerspaniel handbag WAG twat), and it keeps running after the lawnmower and yip-yapping at it instead of just keeping out of the way, the thick fucker.

On the plus side, when I smear marmalade over my cock and present it as breakfast, things are fine.
So it's not all bad.

Bear in mind that dogs need a range of nutrients - some mornings why not blu tack cornflakes to your member and present it in a bowl of milk (semi-skimmed of course) as a stimulating alternative?

I'll have a go at that thanks Sweyny, I'm not a total dog novice though, as earlier today I offered the dog a smorgasbord of breakfast treats using double-sided tape stuck to my genitalia offering:
Multi-grain Cheerios, Mini-Weetabix, Oats 'n' More, Frosties and Fred Flintstone Breakfast Boulders.

Obviously it was semi-skimmed, I'm not a pervert.

 

[sweynforkbeard]

Bear in mind that dogs need a range of nutrients - some mornings why not blu tack cornflakes to your member and present it in a bowl of milk (semi-skimmed of course) as a stimulating alternative?

I'll have a go at that thanks Sweyny, I'm not a total dog novice though, as earlier today I offered the dog a smorgasbord of breakfast treats using double-sided tape stuck to my genitalia offering:
Multi-grain Cheerios, Mini-Weetabix, Oats 'n' More, Frosties and Fred Flintstone Breakfast Boulders.

Obviously it was semi-skimmed, I'm not a pervert.

I am much reassured and have e-mailed the RSPCA requesting that they ignore my previous communication. Furthermore, as a man of refinement, you would only consider attaching Breakfast Boulders to ones testicles and never to ones penis.

 

[Swales lives]

I'll have a go at that thanks Sweyny, I'm not a total dog novice though, as earlier today I offered the dog a smorgasbord of breakfast treats using double-sided tape stuck to my genitalia offering:
Multi-grain Cheerios, Mini-Weetabix, Oats 'n' More, Frosties and Fred Flintstone Breakfast Boulders.

Obviously it was semi-skimmed, I'm not a pervert.

I am much reassured and have e-mailed the RSPCA requesting that they ignore my previous communication. Furthermore, as a man of refinement, you would only consider attaching Breakfast Boulders to ones testicles and never to ones penis.

The Breakfast Boulders were tied to stray anal-hair from the gap between my elephant skin and and my brown eye. Double sided tape just doesn't do the trick. They don't make things as sticky as they used to. Bloody health and safety!!