Morrissey's The Never Played Symphonies is perfect but it contains the line - 'I dont much mind dying, because there is nothing left to care for anymore' - which obviously wouldnt go down very well.
So instead I'll like to be wheeled in to this gorgeous tune -
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0KcDsqZMnk[/youtube]
The lyrics will get them bawling in the aisles.
Then after a bevvy of stunning women (hired by a mate) pretend to be former lovers and tearfully claim I was the best they ever had I get wheeled out to this -
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxVYZz0Jj6g[/youtube]