Your Own Football Playing Day Stories.

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Sparkys-Army

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A Devon Blue.
Been buzzing around my head all day and was really wanting to hear peoples different stories of events which happened whilst playing at a younger age in saturday/sunday teams. I'll kick things off with a few of my own stories.

Before a Sunday game for my local team (the team were pants) my dad gave me a little whisper in my ear whilst getting ready for the match and mentioned that playeres tend to do naughty little things when waiting for corners. I was intrigued to try out this dirty move considering I was generally a honest Centre back.

So there i was, we had a corner and i went up from the back to try grab a goal or anything to help the team. The lad marking me was wearing some tacky tape on his ears covering his ear rings, the latest footballing gear such as the ankle tape.
What a pointless accessory.
As i moved around to try lose my marker, I quickly stamped on the back of his heel, pretty soft considering i wasn't there to break him into pieces! Anyway, he yelped in pain, turned round and nutted me in the face. All that at the mature age of 14ish.
Anyway, the game carried on with no bookings or anything as it was dodgy age group i'm assuming and we kept having a little battle apart from i was getting sworn at and spat at throughout the game. Typical Pikey. End of the game i go to shake his hand and his dad runs onto the pitch and yells abuse at me and drags his son away.

Apologies for some of the pointless detail but was trying to relive the moment of my very first case of getting violated.

Post away your stories!!
 
Edge of the box, I turn my body as the ball is coming and turn the defender at the same time. He is stunned, and he was a bit of a nutter (we were playing a team from Moss Side/Abbey Hey), he decided to drag me down. Instead of waiting for a whistle (which never came), I decided to get back up and carry on as I was one-on-one with the keeper.
He has another idea. He drags me down again, tries to vault over my body, punches me in the head and drops his sweaty balls on the side of my head.

Didn't even get a penalty for it! My team mates didn't let me forget it for the rest of the season.
 
As young lads in Bushy park while applying winter green on a freezing day one of the guys decided he would also warm his member I have never seen a reaction like it inatant real tears and screaming running around like a maniac and after all our water was gone trying to cool him down.The manager had to bring him to A+E.
Wont mean much to you guys but stand up Robbie O Toole.
 
Played at Boundary Park on the plastic pitch in the 80's. Fell over early on in the game - nothing too bad just tumbled, landed on my knees and stopped myself from going face first into the pitch with my outstretched hands. The resulting stinging sensation was one of those that has you repeating a swear word faster and louder every time resulting a long and loud Arrrrrrrrgggggghhh. You know it's not a fatal injury and unlikley to result in anything more than two big scabs, but it stings like fuck! It was at this point that I realised that it wasn't sand on the pitch, but the dried skin from thousands of knees.

The ones who hadn't fallen look at you and shake their heads at your apparant wimpiness. As they fell and suffered the same fate they'd look at you with an expression that said 'sorry, I understand now'

Awful surface - how the hell that was approved by the FA I'll never know.


Went back to local and most of us found that their jeans had stuck to their skinned knees and hips during the minibus ride back and we needed to get some water from the land lady to spray on the front and carefully peel the pants from the knees.
 
At 25 I transferred within the company to the US. In the first week I joined the company "soccer" team (loads of buddies on it - mostly Irish like myself - they had told the americans that I was the best player they had ever seen - it was just a laugh 'cos they knew I was crap).

I started the first game as a sub. When being brought on I was told by the Yank manager to play "middy". I was clueless. One of the Irish whispered that it was in center midfield. So I went out, knowing that I was crap and would never have been allowed play in the center back home.... I was always a winger 'cos I couldn't do too much harm out there. But this day I was fantastic. Played like a real pro. Even the Irish were in shock.

Then my magic moment happened (it's in slow mo in my mind still). Just outside their box I caught a volley and it bent into the top right corner - it was like something on telly. I ran half the field (thinking back it was ala Ade) and bent on one knee to do my Rosler thing. The Yank manager thought I was injured and subbed me.

I never played well again and soon was even too embarrassed to show up to games. But for that 20 mins I was a proper player. :-)

(Thinking of it now - Uwe Rosler ruined my footballing career!!!)
 
I have a few crackers that might not seem funny to anyone else but me and my mates still talk about them!
We were playing a team from Dingwall ( same town as Ross County if anyone's curious) and it was at a time when Dingwall had this "gang". Small town syndrome unfortunately! We'd finished the game and were getting a chippy afterwards. A few lads (4 or so) decided to go to Tesco and on the way back they were jumped by a this gang. Three of them managed to run away but this fat lad was absolutely pounded. Tesco's security gaurds just stood and watched as well. Our bus took off with guys standing on the roof, it was like a scene from some gang film. Doubt i'll ever forget that.

Another story, a slightly less violent one! We were playing some team from way out west and a mate of mine had stocked up on cheap energy drinks. He drank them all and then realised he was bursting for a piss, he was sitting on the bus and we were late. He begged and begged the driver but he just got told to fuck off. Eventually after about an hour of shaking we saw piss dripping out of his trousers. The coach eventually stopped and we had a two hour bus ride in a bus stinking of piss.
 
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