Best Man speech - jokes welcome.
- Thread starter ChrisNUFC
- Start date
toffee balls
Well-Known Member
check out the old favourite 3 things in a church which the bride would recognise ie "aisle , alter ,hymn " ( I will , alter , him )
funny because it is very true
funny because it is very true
Super David Silva 21
Well-Known Member
seen something years ago, Fella giving his speech and that and then something along the lines of, the bride has asked whoever has the key to their home to now put them on the plate on the table in front of the bride and groom, so about 8 fellas come up and place a key on the plate then some 6 year old kid did as well.
Something along the lines of sleeping with the grooms missus i don't know.
Something along the lines of sleeping with the grooms missus i don't know.
Brightwell’s left peg
Well-Known Member
Say that the groom has been looking forward to making his speech.
He's been going on about it being the only time he'll be sat between his wife and mother in law and talk without interruption.
He's been going on about it being the only time he'll be sat between his wife and mother in law and talk without interruption.
ChrisNUFC
Well-Known Member
As promised here's a transcript:
"Hello ladies and gentlemen. Some of you may already know me. For those who don’t my name is Chris and I am the best man. Actually as this is quite a formal occasion I should tell you my full name: It’s Chris can I buy you a drink. Please feel free to use my full name when you see me around the bar later.
Now I think at this stage of proceedings everyone should take a moment to appreciate how lucky we all are to be here. In years to come this will truly be one of those moments when you say I was there. Yes folks that’s right we will all be able to say we were there when Sam first appeared in public without a baseball cap on.
When Sam first asked me to be his best man I was so excited. Excited for Sam that he was marrying the woman of his dreams, excited for Rebecca that she was marrying my best friend (and one hell of a guy) and excited for me that I was best man and therefore had my pick of all the bridesmaids (you lucky ladies) Then the realisation slowly began to set in I would have to stand up in front of all the friends and family and deliver ‘the speech’. Now I’m going to be honest with you here the prospect of this filled me with dread. However someone advised me to picture everyone in their underwear. Unfortunately knowing most of you lot won’t be wearing any that option was out. I then got an excellent tip which was to involve others. So with that in mind I would like to ask the bride and groom to participate. Now Rebecca if I could ask you to place your hand on the table…and Sam if you could place yours on top. Now remember this moment fella as it’s the last time you are going to get the upper hand in this marriage.
Now we have got the ball rolling I have some thank you’s I would like to make. First and foremost I would like to thank the bridesmaids who look beautiful. I heard them arguing before over who gets the first dance with me. All I will say is… one of you has to I can’t dance on my bloody own! I would like to thank the parents Carol and John and Nigel and Sue for the wonderful people whose marriage we are here to celebrate today who are a reflection of all the hard work and love that has gone into raising them. I would like to thank all the guests who have helped to make this such a special day, I would like to thank Sam for choosing me as his best man and for being a true Friend and last but not least I Would like to thank our gorgeous bride Rebecca for agreeing to marry Sam and for making him so happy.
I am sure the happy couple are relieved that the big day is finally here. I hope they won’t mind me saying that planning this day has caused both of them quite a lot of stress. In fact Sam has not spoken to Becca for a month. Not because they have fell out but because he didn’t want to interrupt her while she was talking about the wedding
Now I have known Samie for about 20 years during which time I have become a partner in crime, a close friend and during the quieter moments someone whom could he could trust with his inner most secrets... Or so he thought eh Samie ;) Just kidding mate relax
Although it would be remiss of me to do this speech and not include at least one story about our years growing up together. However I have been warned that I must keep this speech clean and fit for family consumption……So moving on.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I want you to raise your glasses to a lovely couple who some of you may know already, some of you not so well, but im sure by the end of the evening you will all know and love them, please raise your glasses to………………the barstaff
In all seriousness though I would like to conclude by asking everyone to raise their glasses in a toast to the happy couple… to Sam and Becks"
Seemed to go down quite well, thanks for all the tips.
"Hello ladies and gentlemen. Some of you may already know me. For those who don’t my name is Chris and I am the best man. Actually as this is quite a formal occasion I should tell you my full name: It’s Chris can I buy you a drink. Please feel free to use my full name when you see me around the bar later.
Now I think at this stage of proceedings everyone should take a moment to appreciate how lucky we all are to be here. In years to come this will truly be one of those moments when you say I was there. Yes folks that’s right we will all be able to say we were there when Sam first appeared in public without a baseball cap on.
When Sam first asked me to be his best man I was so excited. Excited for Sam that he was marrying the woman of his dreams, excited for Rebecca that she was marrying my best friend (and one hell of a guy) and excited for me that I was best man and therefore had my pick of all the bridesmaids (you lucky ladies) Then the realisation slowly began to set in I would have to stand up in front of all the friends and family and deliver ‘the speech’. Now I’m going to be honest with you here the prospect of this filled me with dread. However someone advised me to picture everyone in their underwear. Unfortunately knowing most of you lot won’t be wearing any that option was out. I then got an excellent tip which was to involve others. So with that in mind I would like to ask the bride and groom to participate. Now Rebecca if I could ask you to place your hand on the table…and Sam if you could place yours on top. Now remember this moment fella as it’s the last time you are going to get the upper hand in this marriage.
Now we have got the ball rolling I have some thank you’s I would like to make. First and foremost I would like to thank the bridesmaids who look beautiful. I heard them arguing before over who gets the first dance with me. All I will say is… one of you has to I can’t dance on my bloody own! I would like to thank the parents Carol and John and Nigel and Sue for the wonderful people whose marriage we are here to celebrate today who are a reflection of all the hard work and love that has gone into raising them. I would like to thank all the guests who have helped to make this such a special day, I would like to thank Sam for choosing me as his best man and for being a true Friend and last but not least I Would like to thank our gorgeous bride Rebecca for agreeing to marry Sam and for making him so happy.
I am sure the happy couple are relieved that the big day is finally here. I hope they won’t mind me saying that planning this day has caused both of them quite a lot of stress. In fact Sam has not spoken to Becca for a month. Not because they have fell out but because he didn’t want to interrupt her while she was talking about the wedding
Now I have known Samie for about 20 years during which time I have become a partner in crime, a close friend and during the quieter moments someone whom could he could trust with his inner most secrets... Or so he thought eh Samie ;) Just kidding mate relax
Although it would be remiss of me to do this speech and not include at least one story about our years growing up together. However I have been warned that I must keep this speech clean and fit for family consumption……So moving on.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I want you to raise your glasses to a lovely couple who some of you may know already, some of you not so well, but im sure by the end of the evening you will all know and love them, please raise your glasses to………………the barstaff
In all seriousness though I would like to conclude by asking everyone to raise their glasses in a toast to the happy couple… to Sam and Becks"
Seemed to go down quite well, thanks for all the tips.
southstand117
Well-Known Member
Ha Very good fella. I've done best mans speech before and its quite a daunting task to take on, but when you get going it really is enjoyable.ChrisNUFC said:
BlueSniffer
Well-Known Member
When reading out the cards - Say something along the lines of
"...and last but not least, the final card addressed to the groom - Dear (grooms name), Congratulations on your special day. Thank you for all your business over the past few years! Without you, we would have never been the success we are today. Love from all the girls at Pandora's 24/7 massage parlour.
"...and last but not least, the final card addressed to the groom - Dear (grooms name), Congratulations on your special day. Thank you for all your business over the past few years! Without you, we would have never been the success we are today. Love from all the girls at Pandora's 24/7 massage parlour.