Best Man speech - jokes welcome.

[ChrisNUFC]

The Groom told me to keep it short and sweet tonight so I've spent the last hour sitting in a bath filled with strawberry ice cream.

Why didn't you put this one it, Chris? It's brilliant.

Father of the bride was struggling too so let him have some of the jokes (this one and the one about the cake being in tiers) seemed fair to give him the best ones as he is actually a Blue.

 

[peoffrey]

Father of the bride was struggling too so let him have some of the jokes (this one and the one about the cake being in tiers) seemed fair to give him the best ones as he is actually a Blue.

If you haven't yet heard then Sooty was arrested today. A Police Spokesman said: "He has the right to remain silent but now we just think he's taking the piss."

 

[Jc3065]

Get the Bride and groom to stand facing each other get him to take her hands. Tell him to put his on top of hers. Then say great just wanted to
See
Him get the upper hand for the last time.

 

[I'm With Stupid]

I think Geoff's speech on the League of Gentlemen was the best.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Wi7SYKDvY4[/youtube]

 

[Rascal]

As promised here's a transcript:

"Hello ladies and gentlemen. Some of you may already know me. For those who don’t my name is Chris and I am the best man. Actually as this is quite a formal occasion I should tell you my full name: It’s Chris can I buy you a drink. Please feel free to use my full name when you see me around the bar later.

Now I think at this stage of proceedings everyone should take a moment to appreciate how lucky we all are to be here. In years to come this will truly be one of those moments when you say I was there. Yes folks that’s right we will all be able to say we were there when Sam first appeared in public without a baseball cap on.

When Sam first asked me to be his best man I was so excited. Excited for Sam that he was marrying the woman of his dreams, excited for Rebecca that she was marrying my best friend (and one hell of a guy) and excited for me that I was best man and therefore had my pick of all the bridesmaids  (you lucky ladies) Then the realisation slowly began to set in I would have to stand up in front of all the friends and family and deliver ‘the speech’. Now I’m going to be honest with you here the prospect of this filled me with dread. However someone advised me to picture everyone in their underwear. Unfortunately knowing most of you lot won’t be wearing any that option was out. I then got an excellent tip which was to involve others. So with that in mind I would like to ask the bride and groom to participate. Now Rebecca if I could ask you to place your hand on the table…and Sam if you could place yours on top. Now remember this moment fella as it’s the last time you are going to get the upper hand in this marriage.

Now we have got the ball rolling I have some thank you’s I would like to make. First and foremost I would like to thank the bridesmaids who look beautiful. I heard them arguing before over who gets the first dance with me. All I will say is… one of you has to I can’t dance on my bloody own! I would like to thank the parents Carol and John and Nigel and Sue for the wonderful people whose marriage we are here to celebrate today who are a reflection of all the hard work and love that has gone into raising them. I would like to thank all the guests who have helped to make this such a special day, I would like to thank Sam for choosing me as his best man and for being a true Friend and last but not least I Would like to thank our gorgeous bride Rebecca for agreeing to marry Sam and for making him so happy.

I am sure the happy couple are relieved that the big day is finally here. I hope they won’t mind me saying that planning this day has caused both of them quite a lot of stress. In fact Sam has not spoken to Becca for a month. Not because they have fell out but because he didn’t want to interrupt her while she was talking about the wedding 

Now I have known Samie for about 20 years during which time I have become a partner in crime, a close friend and during the quieter moments someone whom could he could trust with his inner most secrets... Or so he thought eh Samie ;) Just kidding mate relax 

Although it would be remiss of me to do this speech and not include at least one story about our years growing up together. However I have been warned that I must keep this speech clean and fit for family consumption……So moving on.
Ladies and Gentlemen, I want you to raise your glasses to a lovely couple who some of you may know already, some of you not so well, but im sure by the end of the evening you will all know and love them, please raise your glasses to………………the barstaff

In all seriousness though I would like to conclude by asking everyone to raise their glasses in a toast to the happy couple… to Sam and Becks"

Seemed to go down quite well, thanks for all the tips.

Good effort Chris lad.

Been a best man 3 times and it got no easier.

Hope you didnt buy a drink all night. People who have been a best man should always get a best man a beer as they know how nervous you can get.

 

[ColinBellsjockstrap]

This bus driver married this bus conductress..

In bed on the wedding night she said "Room for one on top"

He replied "Christ, you never told me there was room for five standing inside!!"



Bernard Manning

1977

 

[yeseye]

Get the Bride and groom to stand facing each other get him to take her hands. Tell him to put his on top of hers. Then say great just wanted to
See
Him get the upper hand for the last time.

Have you actually bothered to read any of the thread?

 

[Anonymous]

RESULT! Been looking for this thread as my sister-in-law's boyfriend asked me to be his best man for their wedding in August next year. Was proper shocked last night when he asked but made up too. And now I have a speech - cheers Chris!!

Note to self - change names in Chris' speech :))

 

[mrcunny]

My father in law said....Its not all about losing my daughter its about gaining a bathroom..

 

[droylsdenblue]

At a wedding I was at the best man had handed door keys to about 20 women guests, at the end of his speech he said that as the groom was now married any woman that had a key to his house must now hand it back, it was funny as they all came forward and put them in a tin box!