Joke thread

[crazyg]

Brilliant news had my prostrate examination today !!! Doctor gave me the thumbs up !!!

On your hands and knees were you?

 

[talkativesprout]

On your hands and knees were you?

I was bending over backwards post that.

 

[taleofbluehalves]

Wayne Rooney arrested for drink-driving - "I'm just delighted to get the three points, to be honest"

 

[taleofbluehalves]

Someone yelled "STOP" at me today!

I didn't know whether it was in the name of love, Hammertime or to collaborate & listen

 

[taleofbluehalves]

My girlfriend said she's dumped me because of my obsession with plants,
so I asked, "where's this stemming from petal"

 

[Ska Blue]

Two scousers discussing what to wear to the fancy dress party:

Mike: "I'm going as Batman."

Phil: "Orrr aye mate, I'm going as Batman as well."

Mike: "What about Robin?"

Phil: "Don't worry soft lad, we'll burgle some houses on the way back."

 

[Grassland Blue]

Two giants striding over the world.
First giant says, "Have you any idea where we are?"
Second giant rolls up his sleeve reaches down through the clouds and says, "We are in Italy, Pisa to be accurate - I've just felt the leaning tower."
A bit later the first giant asks,"Where are we now? "
The second giant rolls up his sleeve, reaches down through the clouds and says "We are in France, Paris to be precise , I've just felt the Eiffel tower."
A little while later the first giant asks, "Where are we now? "
The second giant rolls up his sleeve, reaches down through the clouds and says ,"We are in England, Liverpool to be precise."
The first giant says, " How do you know that? There aren't any tall buildings in Liverpool!"
" I know", says the second giant. "But some thieving scouser has just nicked my watch! "

 

[BlueHammer85]

Two giants striding over the world.
First giant says, "Have you any idea where we are?"
Second giant rolls up his sleeve reaches down through the clouds and says, "We are in Italy, Pisa to be accurate - I've just felt the leaning tower."
A bit later the first giant asks,"Where are we now? "
The second giant rolls up his sleeve, reaches down through the clouds and says "We are in France, Paris to be precise , I've just felt the Eiffel tower."
A little while later the first giant asks, "Where are we now? "
The second giant rolls up his sleeve, reaches down through the clouds and says ,"We are in England, Manchester to be precise."
The first giant says, " How do you know that? There aren't any tall buildings in Manchester!"
" I know", says the second giant. "But my hand is covered in shit"

 

[Grassland Blue]

We do have a tall building now, the Hilton near Deansgate, so your attempt at humour has failed doubly.

 

[ballbag]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Coz your mum's a slag