MMMmmmmmmmmmMMMMmm!!

droylsdenblue said:
The taxi is picking Dee up at 7 to bring her round to yours. Funny that its the same taxi driver every week AND it must be a very private hire as it doesnt even have license plates!!!!
Ive notice she's getting very forgetful lately as she didnt get in while 4am last week but Mrs Dowd said she left her house at 11.45pm, god knows where she'd been,luckily that taxi driver was passing and picked her up.
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LMFAO.....great stuff......by the way, there is only one mustard....English.....American and Dijon don't deserve the name : )
 
Its a funny old world, While out driving today I thought I would suprise Dee by popping home for a brew.When I got in I heard a bit of a commotion from upstairs, so I went up....You'll never believe it, the lazy cow had only just got up as she still had her nighty on and she told me the bed was broken, Luckily that taxi driver was passing just before I got home and he was under the bed trying to fix it! What a mug he is! I buggered off damn quick incase she asked me to help him!!!!
 
Llewellyn Dowd said:
When we have bangers and mash for tea, we have it with mushy peas and thick, thick onion gravy! MMmmmMMmm! The thing is, my wife puts ketchup on her bangers and, though I can see her point as I have been known to have ketchup or brown sauce myself, but my absolute, absolute favourite accompanyment, is mustard!! English is best, but I will occasionally use American or Dijon (grainy or smooth) but my wife thinks it's disgusting putting mustard on my bangers??? Personally, I think she's just always having a go at me about anything and everything because there's an underlying problem in our marriage. The fact is, just like Droylsden Blue, I suffer the indignity of having an incredibly small penis.
Anyhow, what do you guys put on your bangers and mash? I'd be interested to know and may even try your suggestions if they sound appealing! Thanks.
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i smear mine in my own excrement.

is 2 girls one cup sort of, well, porn? really really sick porn? cause theyre naked, im not complaining about that but its horrible!

the shit isnt even brown! its fucking yellow!

why the fuck would you do that!

how did she shit a perfect amount into that cup! it didnt overflow or anything!

why did she need to use her fingers to make herself sick after she just ate a pile of her mates yellow shit?!?! did she like it or something?!?!

and who the fuck filmed it?!?! there are some seiously sick people out there!

and that lemon party is sick as well! i mean, a bunch of old men doing gay oral?!?! for fuck sake!

but fuck me, that pain olympics is just horrific!!! is the worst fucking thing ive ever seen!

thats meant to be a mans pride! why the fuck would you cut the fucker off?!?!

i mean, he didnt even cut it of normaly! he fucking did it like a fucking ritual!

oh god!

talk about fucked up videos!

mustard on saussages is absolute, sweet fuck all!

and you should tell that to your wife to make her see that mustard and saussages is quite normal!

ps. i dont like mustard.
 
We had a quiet sort of relationship in the early days, did Myfanwy and me. I only seemed to get calls from her when she was drunk, Wednesdays through to Sundays. She'd phone me, usually about 3 - 4AM I'd have to make my way to all sorts of places and then I'd get us a taxi, drop her at home, then I'd go home and get back into bed. That went on for about 2 years, I wanted to take things really slow. Then, out of the blue, she said "Why don't we get married?" I was flabberghasted!! Seldom had a young man's flabbers been so ghasted. Swept away on a torrent of lustful urges and spotty-faced desperation, I said "oh yes!! Let's!" It's funny how things take a turn, you see I found out later, that her Dad had thrown her out on her ear and but for our happy predicament, she'd have been homeless!! How was that for good fortune?
The happy day came and though her parents didn't turn up, we weren't going to let that spoil our special day. Actually, her father sent us a 'good luck' message, saying we'd need it, so that was kind in a way. On our wedding night I was amazed to realise that it's possible to be a natural blonde and yet have black .. er ... shall we say .... body hair? We stayed in a hotel. We went to our room and she turned down the quilt to reveal a beautiful crisp white sheet, she said "have I got a treat for you!!" I was so excited! I went to the en suite for a pee and whilst I was in there she shouted "don't come out 'til I'm ready." Bloody hell, I was buzzing with anticipation. She stripped off completely, put on a pair of black gloves and a pair of black ankle-socks and lay, spread eagle on the bed and shouted "OK, you can come in now!" I came out and looked at the bed, she looked like the five of spades! I said "bloody hell, how come your hair is black down there?" And she said "well, you know when you hit your thumbnail with a hammer, it goes black?" I said "yeah!" And she said, pointing to her crotch "well, that's had some fuckin' hammer!!" then she cackled like an old witch. I still don't understand how she'd done that, I mean, what was she doing with a hammer? And how the hell did she end up hitting herself down there with it? Sometimes I just get so confused with the things she says. Anyway, if people continue to show interest in my story, I'll carry on, until the replies dry up. Cheers everyone, see you later.
 
When i saw the thread title, i thought it was the opening line of that Crash Test Dummies song...
 
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