premature ejectulation

[Anonymous]

Obviously I did misread the title lol

Me too 'Bluebird' ...... here's me thinkin' at long last a solution to my 'little problem' , and i get a thread on impatient bouncers !


Oh well , it's back to watching that 'embarrassing problems' programme on telly!

 

[Mr Blue Sky]

Obviously I did misread the title lol

Me too Bluebird i thought leftfoot was going to announce he's a two pumps and a squirt merchant ha ha

 

[samy]

I got carted out of a club the other week for asking the bouncer were can I go for a cig said he didnt like my tone, fuking nb

 

[Bigga]

Ah memories!

When I used to work the job, in my early days, I quite liked turfing people violently. Then as I got older, I couldn't be bothered with the nightly confrontations as I had to consider I lived in the centre of town and was recognised quite a lot, whilst not remembering those people.

I, eventually, devised a simple method of ejecting people and especially if they were in groups, it worked a treat.

I simply asked to speak to them outside. When they got there and they asked what it was, I'd say 'Nothing, but you're causing problems to the management. Nothing personal!'. This worked brilliantly when there groups to split up. I'd take the chattiest/ leader of the group, ask to speak to them outside and after a minute of silence from me after I'd spoken to them, they'd say "What about me mates?" and I would reply "They'll be here in a minute, looking for you". They always did.

Never used or needed back up and 95% of the time the lads shook my hand and said I handled that brilliantly.

 

[Anonymous]

I've been chucked out twice.

Once i was just picked up by two big bouncers, one had my head, the other my feet and through me out of the place so i protested "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?" to which they said they didn't want my kind in the club. So i asked them what kind was that and they said smackhead's. So i was fucking outraged, not only was i getting thrown out for "being a smackhead" but there were lots of people outside queing and lingering around, was proper embarassing. It turns out that there was another guy who was wearing a superman t-shirt who had been doing some coke in the bogs, got spotted, ran away from the bouncer who radioed to the other bouncers that some guy in a superman shirt was doing coke in the bogs.

The other time my mate was using the foot rest of a stool to lift him up a tiny bit so he could see where my mate was at the bar, this dyke bouncer was constantly telling him to sit down but he kept doing it because he was literrally gaining 2 inches. She then pushes him off the chair, grabs him in a headlock and more or less pushes him down the stairs, she's still not letting go so she takes him round the corner where i'm thinking she's gonna hit him ffs and i can tell he's reaching boiling point and wondering if he'll punch her back. So it all ends and me and my other two mates pick him up, give the bouncers some more jip (about 50 yards away) and go in the kebab shop over the road. He's raging and pulls out a phone, it's the dyke's phone that slipped out when she was scuffling with him. So we look in her phone and she must of been a proper dirty dyke as she has been texting different fellas all night, so he sends a message to all of them saying come here, free drinks all night and there's a private room for you know what. We wait for 45 mins and about 3 of them all turn up in about 2 mins of each other and the look on her face when she came downstairs and saw 3 of her "lovers" all standing there expecting free drinks and a shag was priceless. Luckily this wasn't in Manchester otherwise we wouldn't of gone town again.

 

[sboroMCFC]

Scarborough is the arse end of the world?! Cheers mate! Can't believe anyone would go to a club in Scarborough, they are awful!