Joke thread

Snow White, Shrek and Pinocchio are out for a stroll at the Land of Make-Believe World Fair. They are strolling along and come across a big tent that advertises 'The World Beauty Contest'. Snow White turns to the others and says,
''I'm gonna enter. No-one is more beautiful than me.''
Pinocchio and Shrek wait outside laying in the sun and 30 minutes later a beaming Snow White skips out with a crown and a big cup saying 'The worlds most beautiful'
The three friends continue their walk. Presently they come to another marquee that is holding 'The Worlds Strongest Man' competition. Shrek turns to the others and says,
''I got this''
Thirty minutes later Shrek comes out singing ''Champion, champion'' The three friends continue their walk. They come across another large canvas structure that is holding ' The Worlds Biggest Liar' contest. Pinocchio turns to the other two and says,
''This ones mine.''
Thirty minutes later he emerges, with tears in his eyes and barks,
''Who the feck is Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson?
 
I was out with my partner yesterday at the local supermarket.

We were deciding whether to buy some beef, lamb, pork, or venison for Sunday lunch.

In the end...
It was a joint decision.
 
This old painter and decorator says wearily to his teenage assistant "The man who invented decorating wants f*cking"

The lad replies "No - the man who invented f*cking wants decorating"
 
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