Joke thread

[Bill Walker]

Apparently a pharmaceutical company have developed a drug that compels woman to join a convent.

It's not going to be released to the general public because they've discovered that it's ‘habit’ forming!

 

[Fiftyyearsandcounting]

Two lonely people at a village dance.
He has a wooden eye. She has a lot of hair around her face and chin.
He approaches her "Would you car e to dance"
"Oh would'n I, thank you"
"Fanny face, your welcome".

 

[Vic]

View attachment 24382

How to ruin a double entendre with a single.

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0923/6150/products/e7e941f454cf54d5c67e1ce61757825dc7480e8d_1024x1024.jpg?v=1590243707

 

[yeseye]

Two lonely people at a village dance.
He has a wooden eye. She has a lot of hair around her face and chin.
He approaches her "Would you car e to dance"
"Oh would'n I, thank you"
"Fanny face, your welcome".

What’s this nonsense?

 

[Fred_Quimby]

Seen in Liverpool.

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[bonespost]

 

[blue44]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[Bill Walker]

Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.

Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it...

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

 

[Bill Walker]

 

[The Earl of Abington]

Got myself a sturdy pair of walking boots the other day along with a rucksack and a thick Arran sweater. Then I drove up to the Lake District, did a five mile walk, sat on a dry stone wall while taking in the magnificent view and drinking coffee from my flask. Then I walked for another five miles or so then stopped and had some Kendal Mint cake. Then I got back up and ...sorry, I'm rambling.

 

[sir baconface]

 

[Indaparkside]

I met a dutch bird with inflatable shoes while in Amsterdam last month, I’ve just phoned her house to take her on a date but unfortunately she’s popped her clogs

 

[Bill Walker]

My mate used to be a Satanist.

But now he's started worshipping toasted sandwiches.

He's in league with the Breville..

 

[mancity2012_eamo]

View attachment 25444

Really has got out of hand this transgender issue.
Imagine taking it to extremes outside of sexual preferences.

 

[ray21]

Warning

 

[TravisBickle]

Two eggs getting boiled in a pot…
One egg says to the other…"I’ve got a giant crack!"
the other replies…"stop teasing, I’m not even hard yet!’

 

[Bill Walker]