Joke thread

[christened at st marks]

Didn't know where to put it but PMSL

 

[TheBlueDune]

I witnessed an Apple store get robbed last week.
Police want to talk to me as an iWitness.

 

[jimharri]

The devil and a lawyer were drinking at a bar.

The bartender came over, and said; "You evil fucker, I thought I told you we don't want your kind in here."

The devil said; "Now listen, I have my rights, and ..."

The bartender replied; "No, not you. Him."

 

[aguero93:20]

The Devil and a rag were drinking at a bar.

The bartender came over, and said; "You evil fucker, I thought I told you we don't want your kind in here."

The devil said; "Now listen, I have my rights, and ..."

The bartender replied; "No, not you. Him."

Fixed.

 

[BlueHammer85]

Tottenham

 

[aguero93:20]

Tottenham

Came in to post that and got distracted by Jim's joke :/

 

[burnley blue mcfc]

Tottenham

Very quick well done ;)

 

[Plays By Sense Of Smell]

I got in a load of trouble at the farm recently with my German boss.
Turned out he wanted me to order 30 sows and pigs, not 30,000 pigs.....

This is making me laugh and laugh and laugh everytime I say it out loud. Thank you!

 

[Leto]

Knock knock.
Who's there?
It's me you ****, your doorbell's broken.

 

[Ancient Citizen]

Irish text message ;-

'Mary, I'm just having one last pint with the lads, if I'm not home in half an hour, read this message again.'