If the US had put intermediate range nukes into Ukraine. And the Russians had an invasion plan drawn up. And the US had authorized use of tactical nuclear weapons against the invasion when it arrived. It would then be directly comparable.
Also if one general staff was actually desirous of starting a nuclear war and actively seeking to undermine the President who was doing everything in his power to prevent it. (There are actually tapes of Kennedy's interactions with the likes of Curtis LeMay and, just, wow.)
Much back then was far worse. But now what is worse is that both sides could wipe the world off the face of the world, so to speak, many times over. Back then the USSR would have been devastated but a lot of the US would not have reachable by Soviet strategic forces. Still would have had nuclear winter and all that and maybe everyone does anyway but everyone would surely be dying now.
Don't think for a minute that's going to happen so the poster above's neighbour is probably safe.