Dementia

Blue Floyd said:
Think I'm past that point of caring.
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Stick with it mate, any sort of recognition, any sort of loved one triggering a memory helps. Helps big time. Whatever you are going through, remember the good times, the fun, the smiles, the laughter, the tears...all of it...hold that in your heart. Hold it in your memory, keep it close.
 
It's an awful thing, you have my sympathy. We're still awaiting an appointment or whatever need to happen for a family member to be diagnosed and offered help, it's been getting worse with pace this year. Last week her brother died, we keep having to remind her.

Probably can't say much to make it better, but don't think you're alone blue.
 
3 years ago my dad was a normal, healthy, 82 year old man, enjoying his retirement. A pretty good innings I'd say.
He enjoyed a pint, but wasn't an excessive drinker. He didn't smoke.
Had a heart bypass when he was 65, but remained fit and healthy. He didn't take the piss, he was grateful the surgeon saved his life.
I'm going to the care home to see him on Sunday, as I do every week.
He won't recognise me, but I'll sit there and pretend he does.
The sudden onset of dementia is something I don't think I can ever understand or comprehend.
There's people in that care home a lot younger than me.
Op, reach out to everyone you know and explain to them how you feel.
I wish you well, you have friends here, use them.
I don't know your circumstances, but I'm only a pm away.
Take care blue, you are NOT alone.
 
Similar story from me, my Mother was in care in her 80s. When I visited her she would tell me all sorts.
Once she said Mick was outside doing up a car (Mick was her Dad, dead for 30 years) Sometimes she knew who i was sometimes not.
Whatever she said I never disagreed with. Just went along with it.
She was in care because she kept walking the streets at 1 or 2 am with a handbag full of cash.

It's extremely sad. As crublue1 said OP reach out to people on here. Some great people around here.
 
My dad died of this horrible disease when somebody you’ve loved and been part of your life for 40 years suddenly doesn’t remember you and becomes a shadow of there former self It’s heartbreaking. As @crublue1 one says above I sat with him every week in the care home he was in reminiscing about the past some days he seemed to remember as a little smile would come on his face I hope he did,I know it effected the family greatly especially mum let’s hope one day there can be a cure for dementia/Alzheimer’s as it’s a cruel horrible disease and anybody who’s going through this be it yourself or your loved ones my thoughts are with you
 
Lost my Mum to Vascular Dementia, awful illness. Engage with your family and friends, including those on here. Try to stay positive.
 
My Mum had vascular dementia and sadly passed away a couple of years ago. I didn't wont her to go into a home and we lived in Spain at the time of onset. I was flying back to Wales every week/10 days to make sure she was Ok, she also had a great care package from NHS Wales and the girls were brilliant. We had to eventually movd to Wales as it became a bit of a struggle. Had to turn off all the gas supplies as she was putting things on the fire, caller bar on the phone, Hive cameras and many other precautions, we had to try and outsmart her next move which is difficult as they dont think normally. Tough and interesting times but we laughed about it with her as it seemed to ease the pressure on both parties.
 
Went to see my dad today, he's basically a dead man mentally, kept alive and looked after by a team of underpaid special people.
He is still my dad, but he no longer knows me or my mum.
Very sad.
My mum would sit with him for hours if I let her, she loves him that much.
Heartbreaking, and I'm not an emotional person, but this is getting to me now.
I apologise if I've lashed out to anyone on here recently, you're my outlet and I thank you for it.
I'll maybe take a break from the forum for a while, much as I love you all, I'm not contributing much of any interest I feel.
 
crublue1 said:
Went to see my dad today, he's basically a dead man mentally, kept alive and looked after by a team of underpaid special people.
He is still my dad, but he no longer knows me or my mum.
Very sad.
My mum would sit with him for hours if I let her, she loves him that much.
Heartbreaking, and I'm not an emotional person, but this is getting to me now.
I apologise if I've lashed out to anyone on here recently, you're my outlet and I thank you for it.
I'll maybe take a break from the forum for a while, much as I love you all, I'm not contributing much of any interest I feel.
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Only take a break if you truly think it's in your own best interest, if not then hang on in there/here. This place is an outlet for many people in all sorts of situations so I think the majority of posters will understand and cut you some slack if for you the main purpose for the time being is a place to vent a bit. As for not contributing much of interest I wouldn't worry too much about that, that is most of us most of the time and frankly you'd have to go a long way before you can compete with the match threads on that front :-)

In the inevitable times when it all becomes too much I hope people don't beat themselves up about that, because amongst all the anguish and pain in this thread what also shines through is all the love and devotion that people have for their nearest and dearest.
 
I think now is the time everyone turns up to their MP's surgery - regardless of party - and just asks " what are you going to do " - about dementia - ,MD - cancer - NHS - the list is endless just ask them over and over again and make them realise their jobs are now on the line over what has been allowed to happen - don't forget you may also not be able to travel by train to spend those final hours with someone and you may not be able to send your condolence cards all because of the actions of a Conservative Govt but we need to prep its replacement so they know that just beating them is not a fix
 
crublue1 said:
Went to see my dad today, he's basically a dead man mentally, kept alive and looked after by a team of underpaid special people.
He is still my dad, but he no longer knows me or my mum.
Very sad.
My mum would sit with him for hours if I let her, she loves him that much.
Heartbreaking, and I'm not an emotional person, but this is getting to me now.
I apologise if I've lashed out to anyone on here recently, you're my outlet and I thank you for it.
I'll maybe take a break from the forum for a while, much as I love you all, I'm not contributing much of any interest I feel.
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I’m in pretty much exactly the same situation with my Dad, so very much feel your pain. There are times where I feel like I’m being more arsey on here than I have been in the past as a result. Don’t let it deter you from posting though mate. It can be cathartic in many ways.
 
My mother had vascular dementia for a couple of years before she passed on. I'd been her full time carer for a while before she went into hospital for the final time, and I looked after her to keep her out of a care home. I did eventually receive some help from the council, but it was only for a month or so before she left home for the final time.

I can tell you, I cherished those last few years with her, taking her out in her wheel chair, buying fish and chips, and eating them together in the sunshine. She loved going shopping, and a trip round the shops was sheer joy for her.

It wasn't always pleasant. Looking after someone you love in decline is tough, mentally draining, and comes without respite. It isn't without its funny moments, but it also forces you to accept situations you can't ignore. The first time I arrived back after going to the supermarket when my mother had shat herself had to be dealt with.

I found it a very rewarding experience, but a very sad one in equal measure. I achieved my aim in keeping her out of a nursing home, but it was hard work, and I realised after a while the only people that really understood how difficult and tiring it was were people in the same situation. The sadness came not just from me seeing my mothers decline, but also the fact that none of her friends, apart from one, ever came to visit her.

I was fortunate in that she always kept her sense of humour, and little things she couldn't remember being called were named 'things' until the guessing game produced the right result. That always resulted in a few laughs.

It is a difficult illness to understand though. Another time I returned home she said there was a leak in the bathroom. I went upstairs and the cold water tap on the handbasin was at full flow. She couldn't think how to turn it off.

I sympathise with everyone seeing one of their nearest and dearest suffering with dementia. It's a truly awful condition for all concerned.
 
Loads of good posts on here, hope it helps to let you know that you are not alone. Known quite a few folk with various forms of dementia.

Couple of things that haven’t been mentioned. Sometimes music is the last sense to vanish, singing to my mum would sometimes get her to sing along; we run a musical memories session once a month at our church that seems to help some folk. If there is something similar near you it may help. Other places have football memories sessions for those whose long term memories are still OK. Check out any local dementia clubs / charities. A slightly odd one, with my wife’s aunt one of the last activities that we could do when we visited her in a care home was play dominoes. Also you may see the occasional short windows of “normality”, maybe only a minute or two - treasure these. When you visit in a care home although your visit my be forgotten in a few minutes you will often find that at least for a short while you have made their lives a bit happier.

Good luck, don’t try to plan too much for them you will normally be overtaken by events.
 
Ric said:
I’m in pretty much exactly the same situation with my Dad, so very much feel your pain. There are times where I feel like I’m being more arsey on here than I have been in the past as a result. Don’t let it deter you from posting though mate. It can be cathartic in many ways.
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Thank you Ric, it's appreciated.
 
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