Dad had Alzheimers for 10 years before he died & mum would not let him go into a care home so we all had to cope, some very tough times but also some really good moments & in a way it brought the whole family closer together.
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Dementia
- Thread starter Blue Floyd
- Start date
Tuearts right boot
Well-Known Member
My Mum had vascular dementia and sadly passed away a couple of years ago. I didn't wont her to go into a home and we lived in Spain at the time of onset. I was flying back to Wales every week/10 days to make sure she was Ok, she also had a great care package from NHS Wales and the girls were brilliant. We had to eventually movd to Wales as it became a bit of a struggle. Had to turn off all the gas supplies as she was putting things on the fire, caller bar on the phone, Hive cameras and many other precautions, we had to try and outsmart her next move which is difficult as they dont think normally. Tough and interesting times but we laughed about it with her as it seemed to ease the pressure on both parties.
Went to see my dad today, he's basically a dead man mentally, kept alive and looked after by a team of underpaid special people.
He is still my dad, but he no longer knows me or my mum.
Very sad.
My mum would sit with him for hours if I let her, she loves him that much.
Heartbreaking, and I'm not an emotional person, but this is getting to me now.
I apologise if I've lashed out to anyone on here recently, you're my outlet and I thank you for it.
I'll maybe take a break from the forum for a while, much as I love you all, I'm not contributing much of any interest I feel.
He is still my dad, but he no longer knows me or my mum.
Very sad.
My mum would sit with him for hours if I let her, she loves him that much.
Heartbreaking, and I'm not an emotional person, but this is getting to me now.
I apologise if I've lashed out to anyone on here recently, you're my outlet and I thank you for it.
I'll maybe take a break from the forum for a while, much as I love you all, I'm not contributing much of any interest I feel.
threespires
Well-Known Member
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Went to see my dad today, he's basically a dead man mentally, kept alive and looked after by a team of underpaid special people.
He is still my dad, but he no longer knows me or my mum.
Very sad.
My mum would sit with him for hours if I let her, she loves him that much.
Heartbreaking, and I'm not an emotional person, but this is getting to me now.
I apologise if I've lashed out to anyone on here recently, you're my outlet and I thank you for it.
I'll maybe take a break from the forum for a while, much as I love you all, I'm not contributing much of any interest I feel.
Only take a break if you truly think it's in your own best interest, if not then hang on in there/here. This place is an outlet for many people in all sorts of situations so I think the majority of posters will understand and cut you some slack if for you the main purpose for the time being is a place to vent a bit. As for not contributing much of interest I wouldn't worry too much about that, that is most of us most of the time and frankly you'd have to go a long way before you can compete with the match threads on that front :-)
In the inevitable times when it all becomes too much I hope people don't beat themselves up about that, because amongst all the anguish and pain in this thread what also shines through is all the love and devotion that people have for their nearest and dearest.
bluethrunthru
Well-Known Member
I think now is the time everyone turns up to their MP's surgery - regardless of party - and just asks " what are you going to do " - about dementia - ,MD - cancer - NHS - the list is endless just ask them over and over again and make them realise their jobs are now on the line over what has been allowed to happen - don't forget you may also not be able to travel by train to spend those final hours with someone and you may not be able to send your condolence cards all because of the actions of a Conservative Govt but we need to prep its replacement so they know that just beating them is not a fix
I’m in pretty much exactly the same situation with my Dad, so very much feel your pain. There are times where I feel like I’m being more arsey on here than I have been in the past as a result. Don’t let it deter you from posting though mate. It can be cathartic in many ways.Went to see my dad today, he's basically a dead man mentally, kept alive and looked after by a team of underpaid special people.
He is still my dad, but he no longer knows me or my mum.
Very sad.
My mum would sit with him for hours if I let her, she loves him that much.
Heartbreaking, and I'm not an emotional person, but this is getting to me now.
I apologise if I've lashed out to anyone on here recently, you're my outlet and I thank you for it.
I'll maybe take a break from the forum for a while, much as I love you all, I'm not contributing much of any interest I feel.
My mother had vascular dementia for a couple of years before she passed on. I'd been her full time carer for a while before she went into hospital for the final time, and I looked after her to keep her out of a care home. I did eventually receive some help from the council, but it was only for a month or so before she left home for the final time.
I can tell you, I cherished those last few years with her, taking her out in her wheel chair, buying fish and chips, and eating them together in the sunshine. She loved going shopping, and a trip round the shops was sheer joy for her.
It wasn't always pleasant. Looking after someone you love in decline is tough, mentally draining, and comes without respite. It isn't without its funny moments, but it also forces you to accept situations you can't ignore. The first time I arrived back after going to the supermarket when my mother had shat herself had to be dealt with.
I found it a very rewarding experience, but a very sad one in equal measure. I achieved my aim in keeping her out of a nursing home, but it was hard work, and I realised after a while the only people that really understood how difficult and tiring it was were people in the same situation. The sadness came not just from me seeing my mothers decline, but also the fact that none of her friends, apart from one, ever came to visit her.
I was fortunate in that she always kept her sense of humour, and little things she couldn't remember being called were named 'things' until the guessing game produced the right result. That always resulted in a few laughs.
It is a difficult illness to understand though. Another time I returned home she said there was a leak in the bathroom. I went upstairs and the cold water tap on the handbasin was at full flow. She couldn't think how to turn it off.
I sympathise with everyone seeing one of their nearest and dearest suffering with dementia. It's a truly awful condition for all concerned.
I can tell you, I cherished those last few years with her, taking her out in her wheel chair, buying fish and chips, and eating them together in the sunshine. She loved going shopping, and a trip round the shops was sheer joy for her.
It wasn't always pleasant. Looking after someone you love in decline is tough, mentally draining, and comes without respite. It isn't without its funny moments, but it also forces you to accept situations you can't ignore. The first time I arrived back after going to the supermarket when my mother had shat herself had to be dealt with.
I found it a very rewarding experience, but a very sad one in equal measure. I achieved my aim in keeping her out of a nursing home, but it was hard work, and I realised after a while the only people that really understood how difficult and tiring it was were people in the same situation. The sadness came not just from me seeing my mothers decline, but also the fact that none of her friends, apart from one, ever came to visit her.
I was fortunate in that she always kept her sense of humour, and little things she couldn't remember being called were named 'things' until the guessing game produced the right result. That always resulted in a few laughs.
It is a difficult illness to understand though. Another time I returned home she said there was a leak in the bathroom. I went upstairs and the cold water tap on the handbasin was at full flow. She couldn't think how to turn it off.
I sympathise with everyone seeing one of their nearest and dearest suffering with dementia. It's a truly awful condition for all concerned.
Loads of good posts on here, hope it helps to let you know that you are not alone. Known quite a few folk with various forms of dementia.
Couple of things that haven’t been mentioned. Sometimes music is the last sense to vanish, singing to my mum would sometimes get her to sing along; we run a musical memories session once a month at our church that seems to help some folk. If there is something similar near you it may help. Other places have football memories sessions for those whose long term memories are still OK. Check out any local dementia clubs / charities. A slightly odd one, with my wife’s aunt one of the last activities that we could do when we visited her in a care home was play dominoes. Also you may see the occasional short windows of “normality”, maybe only a minute or two - treasure these. When you visit in a care home although your visit my be forgotten in a few minutes you will often find that at least for a short while you have made their lives a bit happier.
Good luck, don’t try to plan too much for them you will normally be overtaken by events.
Couple of things that haven’t been mentioned. Sometimes music is the last sense to vanish, singing to my mum would sometimes get her to sing along; we run a musical memories session once a month at our church that seems to help some folk. If there is something similar near you it may help. Other places have football memories sessions for those whose long term memories are still OK. Check out any local dementia clubs / charities. A slightly odd one, with my wife’s aunt one of the last activities that we could do when we visited her in a care home was play dominoes. Also you may see the occasional short windows of “normality”, maybe only a minute or two - treasure these. When you visit in a care home although your visit my be forgotten in a few minutes you will often find that at least for a short while you have made their lives a bit happier.
Good luck, don’t try to plan too much for them you will normally be overtaken by events.
andyhinch
Well-Known Member
Lost my dad the same way, as others have said stay strong and remember the good times and don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings.Lost my Mum to Vascular Dementia, awful illness. Engage with your family and friends, including those on here. Try to stay positive.
Thank you Ric, it's appreciated.I’m in pretty much exactly the same situation with my Dad, so very much feel your pain. There are times where I feel like I’m being more arsey on here than I have been in the past as a result. Don’t let it deter you from posting though mate. It can be cathartic in many ways.