Childhood discipline

[roy.or.r]

It’s funny how people always say violence is not the answer but they have no issue hitting kids who can’t fight back.

 

[Fred_Quimby]

It’s funny how people always say violence is not the answer but they have no issue hitting kids who can’t fight back.

And want to bring back capital punishment.

 

[mexico1970]

It’s funny how people always say violence is not the answer but they have no issue hitting kids who can’t fight back.

Most people who want the death penalty don't really say that violence isn't the answer though mate, it's usually the opposite.

Some would say that in any system violence is always the last arbiter when a citizen/person refuses to comply and without it we'd be in a worse state than we are now.

 

[roy.or.r]

Most people who want the death penalty don't really say that violence isn't the answer though mate, it's usually the opposite.

Some would say that in any system violence is always the last arbiter when a citizen/person refuses to comply and without it we'd be in a worse state than we are now.

How is that working for the US compared to the other developed nations?

 

[mexico1970]

How is that working for the US compared to the other developed nations?

The US aren't the only nation with the death penalty, I would fry the really bad people in this country but wouldn't dream of smacking a child, the two things are not remotely the same.

As I said, violence is the final arbiter in EVERY society.

 

[the-ecstacy-of-eight]

The only thing I'll say re ongoing "bad blood" between people and their parent(s) is, try to get it sorted (if at all possible) while you still have them. It's too late when they're gone.



And yes; it is easy for me to say. Though not as easy as you may think. And I'll say no more.

It isn't easy, I've tried and failed, but it does all depends on whether they've changed in the time between then and now, mine simply haven't and are totally unwilling to accept that they did anything wrong during my childhood whilst still, at the ages of 87 and 82, continuing to attempt to manipulate and emotionally blackmail me in the same way now as they did then.

A lot of intensive therapy almost helped but at the end of it I felt that they needed to know just how much their behaviours have affected me. We sat and talked, them with faces like they were sucking on lemons throughout it all and "I'm sorry that you feel that way" is the closest I've ever got to an apology, followed by my dad for the first time in his life laying his hands on me and pulling his arm back to stick one in my face (ex-coal miner and still fairly solid even at his age). Told him I wasn't a kid any more and that he'd better hope that one would knock me out 'cause I was now prepared to stick a few back on him.

Fucking horrible state of affairs.

We don't talk much now but due to the emotional shit they've knitted into ME even now I still feel a "need" for some sort of parental love which will never come. I keep trying and they keep throwing it back in my face and I know I'll be even more broken when they do eventually pass.

Apparently "You've can't miss what you've never had", but it doesn't stop me wanting it.

Nothing's ever as easy as people think mate.

 

[jimharri]

It isn't easy, I've tried and failed, but it does all depends on whether they've changed in the time between then and now, mine simply haven't and are totally unwilling to accept that they did anything wrong during my childhood whilst still, at the ages of 87 and 82, continuing to attempt to manipulate and emotionally blackmail me in the same way now as they did then.

A lot of intensive therapy almost helped but at the end of it I felt that they needed to know just how much their behaviours have affected me. We sat and talked, them with faces like they were sucking on lemons throughout it all and "I'm sorry that you feel that way" is the closest I've ever got to an apology, followed by my dad for the first time in his life laying his hands on me and pulling his arm back to stick one in my face (ex-coal miner and still fairly solid even at his age). Told him I wasn't a kid any more and that he'd better hope that one would knock me out 'cause I was now prepared to stick a few back on him.

Fucking horrible state of affairs.

We don't talk much now but due to the emotional shit they've knitted into ME even now I still feel a "need" for some sort of parental love which will never come. I keep trying and they keep throwing it back in my face and I know I'll be even more broken when they do eventually pass.

Apparently "You've can't miss what you've never had", but it doesn't stop me wanting it.

Nothing's ever as easy as people think mate.

I'm sorry to hear that. It can't be easy for you, living with this.

And, to be fair, I never said it was easy. What I did say was that it was easy for me to say it. Not that it was easy for people to actually do it. I apologise if think I was inferring something which I honestly wasn't.

 

[KS55]

It isn't easy, I've tried and failed, but it does all depends on whether they've changed in the time between then and now, mine simply haven't and are totally unwilling to accept that they did anything wrong during my childhood whilst still, at the ages of 87 and 82, continuing to attempt to manipulate and emotionally blackmail me in the same way now as they did then.

A lot of intensive therapy almost helped but at the end of it I felt that they needed to know just how much their behaviours have affected me. We sat and talked, them with faces like they were sucking on lemons throughout it all and "I'm sorry that you feel that way" is the closest I've ever got to an apology, followed by my dad for the first time in his life laying his hands on me and pulling his arm back to stick one in my face (ex-coal miner and still fairly solid even at his age). Told him I wasn't a kid any more and that he'd better hope that one would knock me out 'cause I was now prepared to stick a few back on him.

Fucking horrible state of affairs.

We don't talk much now but due to the emotional shit they've knitted into ME even now I still feel a "need" for some sort of parental love which will never come. I keep trying and they keep throwing it back in my face and I know I'll be even more broken when they do eventually pass.

Apparently "You've can't miss what you've never had", but it doesn't stop me wanting it.

Nothing's ever as easy as people think mate.

That really is the saddest story imaginable. I feel for you, blue. I know what it’s like, I’ve been there. Some weeks ago I posted how I had collapsed emotionally in my forties due to childhood trauma. Your story and mine are so similar. Make sure you have somebody to talk to, always.

 

[Saddleworth2]

It isn't easy, I've tried and failed, but it does all depends on whether they've changed in the time between then and now, mine simply haven't and are totally unwilling to accept that they did anything wrong during my childhood whilst still, at the ages of 87 and 82, continuing to attempt to manipulate and emotionally blackmail me in the same way now as they did then.

A lot of intensive therapy almost helped but at the end of it I felt that they needed to know just how much their behaviours have affected me. We sat and talked, them with faces like they were sucking on lemons throughout it all and "I'm sorry that you feel that way" is the closest I've ever got to an apology, followed by my dad for the first time in his life laying his hands on me and pulling his arm back to stick one in my face (ex-coal miner and still fairly solid even at his age). Told him I wasn't a kid any more and that he'd better hope that one would knock me out 'cause I was now prepared to stick a few back on him.

Fucking horrible state of affairs.

We don't talk much now but due to the emotional shit they've knitted into ME even now I still feel a "need" for some sort of parental love which will never come. I keep trying and they keep throwing it back in my face and I know I'll be even more broken when they do eventually pass.

Apparently "You've can't miss what you've never had", but it doesn't stop me wanting it.

Nothing's ever as easy as people think mate.

Unless you have lived it, it’s hard to really understand. I had my own experiences - suffice to say I didn’t see my dad after I was 17. My mum was a person that didn’t do emotion. At all. It leaves its scars deep. Sorry you have had these experiences.

 

[the-ecstacy-of-eight]

I'm sorry to hear that. It can't be easy for you, living with this.

And, to be fair, I never said it was easy. What I did say was that it was easy for me to say it. Not that it was easy for people to actually do it. I apologise if think I was inferring something which I honestly wasn't.

I know mate, I know. I truly wasn't saying that, I was agreeing with you that it wasn't easy, either to say or do.
Sorry that I wrote it in such a way that you felt the need to apologise. Not my intention at all.
It's just that your post was saying how difficult it is, so I just gave an example for people to realise just how "not easy" it is.

 

[100 pints]

Today I was talking to my mum and for some reason, I got really upset at her because my childhood memories of her not giving me choices to do what I wanted resurfaced. I wanted to do something else for my career but was forced into my current career which I never wanted. She also used to beat me a lot when I would forget study lessons or homework as a kid.

I wonder how common this is in the UK? I sometimes feel like she shouldn’t have given me all those beatings but my parents did spend on my education so maybe I am wrong to be holding this grudge even after 30 years.

Your mum probably got treated the same way as a kid, but it is not the way to act,treat people including children with respect and 99% will respond well .

 

[jimharri]

I know mate, I know. I truly wasn't saying that, I was agreeing with you that it wasn't easy, either to say or do.
Sorry that I wrote it in such a way that you felt the need to apologise. Not my intention at all.
It's just that your post was saying how difficult it is, so I just gave an example for people to realise just how "not easy" it is.

I'd love to be able to say that I hope you can get some resolution to your differences. Unfortunately, from what you're saying, that doesn't sound likely. Whatever happens, I wish you the best going forward.