It proves how difficult it is to find a health care professional who can recognise a person in desperate need of a bed and nursing back to health.Echo everything everyone has said . Can’t begin to imagine what you are going through. Just take the day an hour at a time doing anything possible to occupy your mind and definitely contact the crisis centre . Someone in the mental health services has to help you ,can’t continue like this keep fighting @PinkFinal .
Thank you for explaining it Pink, that does make sense although I’m still worried about you being close to anything that may cause harm to you. It’s so terrible that you feel it’s the only way to be taken seriously. I think the crisis centre is such a great planI feel that I'll need to hang around a bridge so that they'll take me seriously.
The emotional pain of what I'm going through is just so extreme, frightening and relentless.
It feels like it's slowly driving me insane and threatening my ability for basic self control.
I'm also thinking about the crisis drop in Kirkstall Blue kindly provided details of.
Curzon Ashton v. the mighty Southport?I've got a gig and possible non league football tomorrow and it's forecast sunny so hopefully it'll be a calmer day
Thanks everyone for your support
Either that or Stalybridge v Mossiey not decidedCurzon Ashton v. the mighty Southport?
That ‘crisis’ centre needs to change its name!Just been to the crisis centre which is actually quite near Band on the Wall.
I thought it was a walk in but they prefer it if you book in advance. They told me to come back tomorrow. I've got a gig and possible non league football tomorrow and it's forecast sunny so hopefully it'll be a calmer day
Thanks everyone for your support
That ‘crisis’ centre needs to change its name!
Book in advance?
Come back tomorrow?
This is a disgrace considering your current situation.
I hope you get the help you need mate.
Same as you I’m guilty of staying up late sometimes and last night I just turned the TV off and had the best sleep I’ve had in ages.I don't know what my next move should be.
I'm not going to the 'crisis' place in the city centre again. I can go to the walk-in place much nearer to where I live. Which has shorter hours unfortunately.
I still haven't been to A&E since last summer.
The commumity team know I'm in a very bad way. About the chainsaw thoughts.
Everything.
If I can start going to sleep at around midnight instead of after bloody dawn I can think.about going to the daily walk in centre social. If it's sunny I'm much more likely to be able to go outside.
I've actually booked a trip to London for this weekend (Damned , Wembley Arena) it seems absolutely ludicrous that I should travel in my state but I feel I should probably push myself and score a 'win' against this demonic force in my head.
Being a tight bastard the thought of wasting money is unacceptable ;-)
Some of you know I was brought up in a religion where I was told if I didn't believe in it I would die when Armageddon came and that would be it.
It fucked my head up for years. My dad telling me the signs that would lead to the end of the world.
With all the shit going on in the world now I'd have probably given up if I had the mindset I had 25 years ago.
I started paying for my own therapy. When I arrived at my first session I told the therapist my mind feels like a computer that needs defragging. The files are all there but they need putting in the right order.
I'm not 'cured' but I've learned over time to notice my thoughts and move on. I gave the voice with this constant commentary stream a name. Every time a thought appears From my old self I remind myself that's "Mad Mat talking." Eventually the thought moves on.
It takes a hell of a lot of time and energy to try and retrain your brain from life long, hard wired habitual thinking.
TLDR: If you cannot control it don't let it control you. By getting up everyday and starting again you're winning. It can be scary but you're courage is greater. Although you won't realise that now but one day in your future a random event will appear from your subconscious and you'll think you got through that you'll give your self an internal hug and feel warm and mushy inside.
You've got this.
*Thumb up emoji*
Lots of shadow work and doing scary shit I never thought I'd get through. Even now I have things to do I'm avoiding in that respect. My sister is still in denial about it all and won't talk about it.You did well to shake off that childhood trauma of thinking you couldn’t be saved if you didn’t believe in the resurrection on the last day. TFH you managed to do it well done you :)
An awful lot of children grow up damaged by their parents, my mother was damaged by her father she suffered depression all her life. Somehow you have to shake off the image of yourself imposed by parents and society.
Try and keep away from the news as much as you can mate.If we see nukes or mass extermination tonight god knows what state I'll be in
But I won't be alone in this I know that
It’s terrifying isn’t it . Take care PinkIf we see nukes or mass extermination tonight god knows what state I'll be in
But I won't be alone in this I know that
I've turned it all off.If we see nukes or mass extermination tonight god knows what state I'll be in
But I won't be alone in this I know that
Lots of shadow work and doing scary shit I never thought I'd get through. Even now I have things to do I'm avoiding in that respect. My sister is still in denial about it all and won't talk about it.
I've gone from hating what my dad was doing to me to thinking that was his strange way of trying to love and protect me.
Sadly he's in the last stages of Alzheimer's so I can't talk to him about it anymore. I've said my peace from a place of love but I doubt he understood.
Hence my issues with organised religion.
I can see why some would use their faith to live their lives by in a positive manner but then it used by other humans to fight their battles for them.
We put our parents on a high pedestal because they were our guides and role models. As I get older I realise they were humans doing their best to sort themselves out as well as dragging me and my sister up.
No you won’t be alone you’ve got Bluemoon and we will deal with it together other world leaders will be on the phone to Trump tonight so don’t worry.If we see nukes or mass extermination tonight god knows what state I'll be in
But I won't be alone in this I know that
We put our parents on a high pedestal because they were our guides and role models. As I get older I realise they were humans doing their best to sort themselves out as well as dragging me and my sister up.