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Unfortunately you do!

Up yours mufuh! (Shortened version of mother******).

Only one that I can recall. About 20 years ago two friends and myself used to visit a few country pubs on a Thursday night in Sussex. Because of the drink driving laws we took a weekly rota where the designated driver stuck to half pints alternated with a soft drink. It was winter and the...

Actually the actor's name is Guy Pearce. Guy Ritchie is a well known film director - Lock Stock and Smoking Barrels - and once married to Madonna. Still a decent film though - great performance by Terence Stamp.

Reminds me of famous old lag Frankie Fraser (self confessed murderer and enforcer for the Krays). A career criminal he recalled being banged up in wartime. Apparently prison security was so lax then (hacksaws smuggled in cakes, key impressions from soap etc) that escapes were quite common. The...

You couldn't make it up. The prisoner governor at Wandworth is actually named Katie Price. Identical twins? Separated at birth perhaps?

The food lorry and the strapping was just a diversion. The screws found his escape tunnel when they tore down his life sized porno picture of Katie Price in his cell.

kids street games; eg marbles, conkers, skipping, tag, football etc - probably owing to increase car levels and lurking pedos.

No NHS dentists taking on any new patients now in the Blackpool/Fleetwood area. I'm registered with one from way back and they're good as I have to attend every 6 months. Result my teeth are decent. But if your teeth aren't red hot - then you're pushed to go private with all the additional...

Reminds me of the time that Paul Kaye (Aka Dennis Pennis) doorstepped actress Demi Moore at a premiere and asking about salacious rumours that she'd had poor breast enlargement surgery - "How do you handle them knockers Demi?)" Also he informed Demi that Errol Flynn died with a massive erection...

Always remember the commentary by Alan Hansen during an intense spell of pressure by England v Germany in a Euro cup semi final "And the Germans have only left Kuntz up front". Referring to Stephan K striker,

We've gone from every other fan's favourite 2nd team as we lived in the shadow of United to some real hatred/jealously as Abu Dhabi's oil money has come in. It would have been worse if our football wasn't breathtaking. Money talks - it screams and shouts -it always did. Chelsea under Abramovitch...

He certainly put the laid back style of Key West (America's most southerly city) on the map - his music blaring out of the bars in Duval Street. He's treated like a god down there.

Marmite, tripe and butter beans. Really like shit on toast.

Two Doors Down - a classic with several series - see them on i player - must watch. Game of Thrones and Breaking Bad also classics.

Another film monster: Christopher Walken as the Headless Horseman in the Johnny Depp film Sleepy Hollow. He wore a set of filed down sharp dentures and caused extreme panic throughout the running time. Really scary.

The Gunfight at the OK Corral. It's been done a few times over the years. 1957 with Burt Lancaster as Wyatt Earp and Kirk Douglas as Doc Holliday. Good but slow moving mostly - all the action at the end. In - 1993 2 versions: ''Tombstone'' with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer in the roles and...

Very good description of urination: Shaking hands with the unemployed.

A psychotic Ben Kingsley in Sexy Beast. World removed from Gandhi and with liberal use of the C word

Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter in The Silence of the Lambs. Absolutely chilling and unnerving performance.