My mum passed away on Tuesday morning, she had been poorly for a while, and whilst it was not a shock it is still heartbreaking. The night before around 10pm I got the call from the most magnificent of Doctors, who calmly and forthrightly told me my mum was close to the end, she was in septic shock and due to her heart being so weak and her kidneys failing there was nothing more medically they could do apart from making her last few hours as comfortable as possible, he promised me it would be pain free and dignified. He has spoke with the ward sister who had agreed under the circumstances to waive the 30 minute one person visiting rule as she was in a side room and said if we so wished we should go straight away and say our goodbyes. Myself, my brother and two of my mums remaining younger sisters went to the hospital. My mum bless her soul looked very ill, but she had periods of lucidity. She said to me, hello sweetheart "have you had something to eat" she cared for me until the very end. With her usual acerbic wit she told my Auntie Norma to stop speaking "gabbly" We all hugged her, kissed her said our goodbyes but she was tired and a little agitated. My mum was old school, she didn't like fuss, she was the fusser. Me and ar kid decided to leave her to sleep, so we went home around 4am. The ward sister promised to ring if we needed to go back as she appeared to be rallying and we prayed for a miracle.
I got home and tried to sleep, I couldnt , I just lay on the bed and dozed awaiting the phone call, a phone call that never came. Around 8am i had this real sense that I had to go to Hospital straight away. I can not explain it, it was an urge I had to go and so I went. I got there on my own , entered the room she was in and her eyes were open, I kissed her, held her hand, told her I loved her and she passed away straight away, it was like she was waiting for me. I am in tears writing this, not tears of sadness, it was the most beautiful moment of humanity I have ever experienced. It was just me and my mum together for one last fleeting moment of real love for one another. It is a moment I will always treasure more than any other moment in my life.
I was adopted, my younger brother is of her blood, I am of her heart, I was the little boy lost who mended her broken heart after the death of her first born baby girl. Her and my Dad made me, they moulded me, they loved me unconditionally, they picked me up when i fell and supported me when i needed it. Inbetween the normal family rows, i think I made them proud. I nursed my dad through his short illness and have cared for my mum for the last 17 years. Its been hard at times, but I would not change one single minute of it. Now i am alone in a house full of happy memories, full of stories, full of love, thankfully I have a large loving family, many good and close friends many of whom I spoke to yesterday offering condolences, I have good neighbours who shared in my sadness because my mum was a character. In our little close she was one of the originals who first moved in to our new houses. Only two now remain. A little community on a small back street in a small village that offered all of us young ones growing up there safety, love and affection.
My Mum was a character, she was incredibly warm, generous , loving and would do anything for anyone if she could. She loved my friends because they showed her real respect, but had a laugh with her and I would show her pictures of our escapades and she would call us drunken bums, not out of nastiness, because she loved to see me living life and loved my friends who share my life.
I will miss her dreadfully, but if i am honest i am glad she has passed away, the last couple of years have been really tough on her. She was an old fashioned wife and mother, her home was her domain. She lived to serve my dad, me and my brother, not as a servant, but out of a sense of duty. The last couple of years she has not been able to fulfil that role that she loved. The little things, like dusting, shopping, cutting the grass, cleaning the toilet, the stuff that she saw as her work and her role in our family. Because of that she thought she had lost some dignity and she became frustrated and it was me who bore the brunt of her frustrations. I know she never meant it, i know she loved me more than life itself and yes mum i have had something to eat and will continue doing so, i will still go to the pub and go to the match only this time when i get home worse for wear and you say , don't come near me you drunk, all that watching twenty two idiots kicking a ball, did you win? And i said yes mum, she smiled because she knew her dad had given me the love of Manchester City and she knew it made me happy.
My mum is now with my Dad and the rest of my family who passed on, i am not a believer in God, but i hope there is a special place where they can be together again, continue to laugh at me and continue to watch over and love me.
I will be going the game on Saturday, my first time at the Etihad for what seems an eternity, somehow it wont feel the same, when i get home, my mum wont be there to ask me the score and berate me for drinking too much, but it will be good to be amongst friends and fellow Blues watching the team I love, somethings change, somethings stay the same and life goes on with a sadness in my heart.
