Right.
Where to begin?
Firstly, American Football is gay.
I mean really gay.
Really, really gay.
No really. It's gay.
It's like Rugby for Puffs.
Rugby for really big mincing puffs.
Rugby for men who like dressing up in colourful costumes and mincing around until lots of other men, in similar attire, leap on them and force them to the ground, where they are leaped upon by other, obviously gay men.
I mean, there's not even a ball involved. Well, that's not strictly correct. Sometimes a guy called the Quarterback throws the ball forward, very much like John Inman. Then someone called a WIDE RECEIVER (the answer's always in the question) may or may not catch the ball. Imagine, if you would, the only creatures in the world who can't catch. That's right...Girls!
One of the phrases in American Football (or NFL as it's called) is "Scrimmage". This is a nonsense word. It is a word dreamt up by Edward Lear, famous of course, for his "Nonsense Poems". Scrimmage. Scrimmage. Say it out loud. Scrimmage. It's ludicrous. There's a perfectly useable word in the english lexicon which could easily be substituted.
It's " Scrummage". A perfectly useable word from the english language which derived from the word "Scrimmage". The British Isles had the common sense to substitute the word because of it's ridiculous nature. Not so, the Americans.
Indeed, the gentleman who oversaw the transition from the rules of Rugby was Walter CAMP. I'm not making this up. He is directly responsible for overseeing the transition from rugby.
I could go on but I won't.
From a City point of view, I will make one suggestion. If we look to the NFL for a team to follow, then look no further than the Cleveland Browns. Massive support through trying times (they became the Baltimore Ravens(?) at some point and the fans never forgot) and they have a hated neighbour who wins everything in the Pittsburgh Steelers (cunts).
When Channel 4 started covering the NFL in years gone by, I always followed the Browns, following their pelting of the Steelers player after a touchdown in front of The Dog Pound (their Kippax). They rained hotdogs, coke cans and lots more on their equivalent of Rooney, when it was minus God knows What in the stand and they were all there supping beer and wearing enormously stupid (but brilliant) dog costumes, with their breath showing in the sub-zero temperature. I've never attended a game yet but I will before I die. Great fans in the face of cruelly overwhelming odds.
Sound familiar anyone?