Broken

[BLUEYESTU]

Don’t give up Blue! There’s people on here who have been in the hole you are in. Just reach out and ask for help ok? Drop me a pm any time you need to talk and I’ll reply.

 

[Berts Neck]

Reach out to someone my friend..anyone...me..just someone..bless you KK

 

[Ric]

Relieved to say that I’ve just had a message from Emma. She’s still going through a very difficult time obviously, but the most important thing is that she’s ok for now. She’s seen the thread on here and appreciates the support. She said she’s sorry for worrying people, but will try to reply to PMs when she feels up to it.

 

[HolisticJim]

Hurts my heart to know you are struggling like that. Pick up the phone and don't suffer in silence.
There are ppl out there who really can help.

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

Relieved to say that I’ve just had a message from Emma. She’s still going through a very difficult time obviously, but the most important thing is that she’s ok for now. She’s seen the thread on here and appreciates the support. She said she’s sorry for worrying people, but will try to reply to PMs when she feels up to it.

Thanks Ric
That is a relief to know she has reached out to you and is "ok".

 

[Stephen Ireland's pants]

my mum died too, some years back now.

Absolutely devastated to this day, miss her terribly. She was taken too young and bloody horribly as well. No dignity at all. This was the one woman in my life that would die for me. She Brought myself and my sister up and did a fukin good job of it an’all. An absolute hero of mine. And she was my mum.

For years I felt like I’d never stop crying about it and still I get flashbacks of her lay dead with all sorts going on and it still hurts like hell.

I look at my kids and see the pain in their eyes from watching me hurt so much and their own pain of missing their nana the best nana ever to them. It twists my heart to know that they miss her and she’s Never coming back. She’ll never be there for them at all the landmark occasions and milestones. She’ll always be missing.

But I love my mum. More than anything. And I came to realise that the more I’d loved her the more I’d feel the pain of losing her. And then realised that’s not a bad thing. My pain was a direct result of the love I had for her. That made me feel happy. Knowing I loved her unconditionally for so long and my pain confirmed that. It made me smile, it still does.

Out of that thinking I thought there is only one way I can show her how much I love and miss her, and that was to make her proud. Make her proud of me, my kids and my life. Carry on her legacy, Show her that I’ll take her with me on my journey and I’ll try my best to make it the best journey possible. It also helped me to focus myself again. Get rid of some things and people I realised I didn’t need.

Mate, Your mum is,was, will be the best person ever in your life.

You’ve just got to try to be her daughter And carry her candle with you. After all her legacy is you! You carry on? then so does she!

Good luck sister cry whenever you fukin feel like it! And be proud!

Beautiful post. Respect blue

 

[Worzel Gummidge#9]

my mum died too, some years back now.

Absolutely devastated to this day, miss her terribly. She was taken too young and bloody horribly as well. No dignity at all. This was the one woman in my life that would die for me. She Brought myself and my sister up and did a fukin good job of it an’all. An absolute hero of mine. And she was my mum.

For years I felt like I’d never stop crying about it and still I get flashbacks of her lay dead with all sorts going on and it still hurts like hell.

I look at my kids and see the pain in their eyes from watching me hurt so much and their own pain of missing their nana the best nana ever to them. It twists my heart to know that they miss her and she’s Never coming back. She’ll never be there for them at all the landmark occasions and milestones. She’ll always be missing.

But I love my mum. More than anything. And I came to realise that the more I’d loved her the more I’d feel the pain of losing her. And then realised that’s not a bad thing. My pain was a direct result of the love I had for her. That made me feel happy. Knowing I loved her unconditionally for so long and my pain confirmed that. It made me smile, it still does.

Out of that thinking I thought there is only one way I can show her how much I love and miss her, and that was to make her proud. Make her proud of me, my kids and my life. Carry on her legacy, Show her that I’ll take her with me on my journey and I’ll try my best to make it the best journey possible. It also helped me to focus myself again. Get rid of some things and people I realised I didn’t need.

Mate, Your mum is,was, will be the best person ever in your life.

You’ve just got to try to be her daughter And carry her candle with you. After all her legacy is you! You carry on? then so does she!

Good luck sister cry whenever you fukin feel like it! And be proud!

Heart warming post. Reading that brought me a tear but also a smile.

It may of been hard for you to write that or the total opposite but Thank You either way, I can totally relate to it.

To the original poster, My deepest condolences and sorry for your loss. Grief is a dark time but it will get easier, do you think the person you have lost would want to see you in such a bad place, of course not, that itself is motivation to do them proud, Unfortunately we all have to go through these times but you don’t have to go through it alone, if EVER you need to just speak to someone drop a message, I don’t know you personally but I’m already routing for you. Keep your chin up. X

 

[rickmcfc]

Relieved to say that I’ve just had a message from Emma. She’s still going through a very difficult time obviously, but the most important thing is that she’s ok for now. She’s seen the thread on here and appreciates the support. She said she’s sorry for worrying people, but will try to reply to PMs when she feels up to it.

Thanks for the update Ric. Glad she is ok.

 

[Ashleymcduff]

First thing I checked when I woke up, glad for the update @Ric

Emma you are not alone and we are all here for you , feel free to drop a Dm to any of the people who have offered, me included x

 

[Nethermoor]

Just want to divert slightly and say that this forum is amazing for helping people In distress. Well done everyone who has responded or messaged the couple of people recently who have been going through hell. That could be two lives saved because of this forum.

I hope you get the help you need Emma. I'm sorry for your loss, I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through

 

[threespires]

Relieved to say that I’ve just had a message from Emma. She’s still going through a very difficult time obviously, but the most important thing is that she’s ok for now. She’s seen the thread on here and appreciates the support. She said she’s sorry for worrying people, but will try to reply to PMs when she feels up to it.

Only just become aware of this thread. I don't know Emma but beyond my heartfelt condolences the other thing that strikes me is that despite everything she is going through she's asked Ric to apologise for the worry she has caused others. I suspect that says something about her as a person as does some of her other very moving and honest posts about her Mum.

 

[Blue Mist]

Emma, brilliant news but this is just the start. Please seek help, talk to people that can understand and advise you. Your son needs you so do it for him.

 

[metalblue]

@kippaxkid74

Grief is powerful and overwhelming and there are some amazing resources out there that make you realise you’re not mad and a lot of what you are feeling right now is normal.

Take each day as it comes, it’s a journey with no fixed path and you can often feel like 1 step forward and 2 back but it does get better. Obviously your GP etc is the best place to go but there is always someone on line to talk to here if you want to vent or just want some virtual company. I’m sure you can PM anyone who has commented in this thread if you’d rather not want to do it in “public”.

Take care.

 

[mexico1970]

@kippaxkid74

Grief is powerful and overwhelming and there are some amazing resources out there that make you realise you’re not mad and a lot of what you are feeling right now is normal.

Take each day as it comes, it’s a journey with no fixed path and you can often feel like 1 step forward and 2 back but it does get better. Obviously your GP etc is the best place to go but there is always someone on line to talk to here if you want to vent or just want some virtual company. I’m sure you can PM anyone who has commented in this thread if you’d rather not want to do it in “public”.

Take care.

20 years since my Mam died and it is still bad sometimes, but now it's easier. I find that if you ACCEPT the grief it will wash over you better than fighting it.

Great advice mate as many have put on here.

 

[Magicpole]

Well done in speaking about it. A lot of us have lost our mums. We know the feelings. How I cope is to look at my family, her grandchildren, that none of us would be here without her and as long as we are alive, she is still with us.

When I see her mannerisms in myself my siblings and grandkids, I smile and am thankful. The other thing is your mum, like all ours who have passed woukd want us to be happy. They strove their whole life to try to achieve that. Honour her by trying to be that way. The pain is so real and it’s a bullet none of us can dodge. But she would be heartbroken if she knew you were thinking about ending it. There are many good people on here who know how you are feeling. We are here to put an arm round you.

 

[threespires]

Emma's choice of title for this thread is pretty profound. I think one of the main things I've realised as I've got older is we are all broken in some way or other, I mean literally all of us, I've come to the conclusion I've never met someone who wasn't in some way shape or form, it's just part of being human. The person I thought the most 'together' person I'd ever met turned out to be one of the most broken and he didn't share it until it was too late, I'm glad Emma has.

I don't say any of this to be pessimistic at all, far from it, I've come to the conclusion that to be fully human is to recognise this in ourselves and others and to try not to judge yourself and others too harshly for it, though that can be bloody hard at times. When we help each other with our brokenness, be it 'fixing' things or simply being with someone in theirs, well I'm not sure there is a greater value to human life life than that and I wish I'd understood this earlier in my life.

 

[Cellarite]

Well done in speaking about it. A lot of us have lost our mums. We know the feelings. How I cope is to look at my family, her grandchildren, that none of us would be here without her and as long as we are alive, she is still with us.

When I see her mannerisms in myself my siblings and grandkids, I smile and am thankful. The other thing is your mum, like all ours who have passed woukd want us to be happy. They strove their whole life to try to achieve that. Honour her by trying to be that way. The pain is so real and it’s a bullet none of us can dodge. But she would be heartbroken if she knew you were thinking about ending it. There are many good people on here who know how you are feeling. We are here to put an arm round you.

Fantastic post.

 

[Bobby the blue]

I really really hope that the poster is ok and is able to get the help that they so richly deserve. I really feel for Kippax kid and I think it takes a lot of minerals to reach out like they have.


Although personally not knowing kippaxkid the thread has struck a cord with me as I’ve been going through a period of mental turmoil these past few months. Something happened to me in childhood and then a major event a few years ago and it has caused me a lot of anguish so much so that a few weeks ago I just jumped on a train to god knows where and planned to make the silliest of decisions. What was frightening was that I wasn’t scared and was accepting off it.
However something made me ring my best mate and although he doesn’t know it probably stopped me from doing anything.

Although I can’t say that I am feeling better I’m not in that place at the current moment and that will do me for today.


Kippaxkid if you are reading and do need to chat then please feel free. I’m not very active on here as much as I used to but I still read threads.

Anyway I hope anyone suffering issues and any mental trauma can find a way through the shit. Take care all.

 

[Kippax Street 1880]

Relieved to say that I’ve just had a message from Emma. She’s still going through a very difficult time obviously, but the most important thing is that she’s ok for now. She’s seen the thread on here and appreciates the support. She said she’s sorry for worrying people, but will try to reply to PMs when she feels up to it.

Thats a relief, been playing on my mind last few days. Hope she's feeling better and getting the love and support she deserves.