Classic City jokes

[california blue]

Five past Immel! Chortle chortle.

I love that we can laugh at ourselves like this, even the Scousers don't mind us.

wasn't it 5 past tracy

 

[Feed-The-Goat]

Eidos stood for - Eleven idiots dreaming of success.

Oh how i laughed.

 

[The Pink Panther]

ferguson and frank clark are in a lap dancing club when a dancer spots them and makes her way over
she says "are you alex ferguson manager of manchester united?
"Yes I am" baconface replies
The girl takes her top off revealing her breasts and says "will you sign these for me" rasher chops pulls out a pen and autographs her tits
She then turns to Clark and says "Are you Frank Clark manager of Manchester City?
"I am" he replies
She drops her knickers and says "Can you sign this?"
"Fuck off, I've signed enough cunts this year"

 

[Colins Bellend]

Is it true Mickey Mouse has got a city watch

 

[BertTrautmann'sParachute]

Seen the colour of City's new kit? Green (with envy). Oh,how we laughed....

-- Sun May 20, 2012 10:40 pm --

Who can forget the Tommy Docherty classic about three types of stock: Chicken, Beef and light blue - laughing stock.

Having watched him at a few sportsmen's dinners, I can confirm that he is the funniest man I have ever seen in my life.

Intentionally funny? Or funny peculiar?

No, just the most painfully unfunny **** of a human being I have ever met.

I was being somewhat sarcastic in my previous post. I thought you would have worked out my MO by now BTP ;-)

I'm not the quickest....

 

[digbythebiggestdogintheworld]

A classic from the mid-nineties:

Franny Lee sees an old lady about to cross the road so he approaches her and says "can you manage".

badum-tish

 

[bluetom91]

Flipping it ... fuuture/present rag jokes....

why did the trophy cross the road??? ... because the neighbours were too noisy!! love it :D

 

[isab23502]

I liked the one: "Which City player had a father who was a Hollywood movie star"?

Pause for bemused thought.

Answer "Imre Varadi".

Long further pause - "Who's his dad then?"

Answer: "Olly"

One that needs to be delivered verbally but made me laugh a lot first time I was told it.

 

[Q-Blue]

When I was a kid, a Policeman caught me climbing over the wall at Maine Road. He dragged me down and said 'if we have to stay and watch this shit, so can you!'

 

[stiniyamasena]

Will I be allowed to post this, because it's not an actual City joke. I went to the shop last night & bought a box of "Youngs frozen fish", I opened the box & the fish threw it's self to the floor.

 

[Laurent Charvet]

Will I be allowed to post this, because it's not an actual joke. I went to the shop last night & bought a box of "Youngs frozen fish", I opened the box & the fish threw it's self to the floor.

Edited for accuracy.

 

[Anonymous]

Brian Horton got pulled for speeding.

The copper recognised him and said "sorry Brian, on you go, don't worry about it."

Brian Horton says "no, not having that, I'm not hiding behind my fame to get away scot free when I've done something wrong."

Copper says "Fucking hell, you'll do anything for 3 points won't you?!"

 

[andy h]

Not a City joke but I couldn't resist:

Rags are going to buy a player this summer that epitomises the legendary ethos of the club...........
















KOONTZ

 

[The Pink Panther]

Francis Lee was walking along his local high street when suddenly he collapses.
He's taken inside a building society and when he comes round he asks, "where am I?"
"In the Alliance" came the reply
"Fucking hell! What happened to the third division!"

 

[KPXBLN]

Journalist has just finished interviewing Franny Lee and is making his way out, but gets lost and ends up on the pitch. He shouts to a groundsman, "what's the quickest way out of here?"
"Quickest way out of Maine Road?" he points to the manager's seat in the dugout, "just sit there."<br /><br />-- Mon May 21, 2012 2:37 pm --<br /><br />I got fed up of watching City so I nailed my season ticket to my front gate in protest.

Some fucker stole the nail.

 

[FORZA CITY]

Got this one before the semi last year:

Manchester City were hoping to travel in the same coach they used for their last Wembley appearance. Unfortunately though all the horses are now dead.

 

[Colins Bellend]

A new one
Man City have just won their biggest trophy in their 18 month history

 

[LeeOnePen]

Bloke rubs an old lamp and a genie appears.

"for setting me free, I grant you one wish"

"well, I'd like my dog to win Cruffs"

The genie looks at the dog. It's a tired old mut, missing a leg, flea bitten, lopsided ears, a really filthy thing.

The genie says "come on mate that's asking too much"

"ok" says the guy, "I'd like city to stay up"

Genie claps his hands together and says "let's have another look at that dog"

 

[twistedAM]

A new one
Man City have just won their biggest trophy in their 18 month history

I like that just cos he person who made it up must be so bitter.

 

[bluemooster]

Bernard Manning, On Citys relegation to Div1 : Jack the ripper will be out before us