confidence

[Ducado]

Most jobs I've had have required confidence but I wonder whether I am faking it because like others on here, certain social situations make me want to shrivel up and be invisible. Drink helps a lot and twice I was a compere for Xmas and New year hotel parties on Thailand. I had to introduce acts and get the guests to come on stage to play stupid games. Sober I couldn't have done it but the constant backstage swigging of Singha sure made it easier ( and fun)

There is no such thing as faking it it, you are either confident or you are not it's just a thought anyway, it depends which thought you want to hand on to

 

[Super David Silva 21]

Most jobs I've had have required confidence but I wonder whether I am faking it because like others on here, certain social situations make me want to shrivel up and be invisible. Drink helps a lot and twice I was a compere for Xmas and New year hotel parties on Thailand. I had to introduce acts and get the guests to come on stage to play stupid games. Sober I couldn't have done it but the constant backstage swigging of Singha sure made it easier ( and fun)

There is no such thing as faking it it, you are either confident or you are not it's just a thought anyway, it depends which thought you want to hand on to

I feel as if i have an invisible barrier round me at times that stops me from wanting to do certain things, such as join in a conversation or just mingle.

 

[urban genie]

I have a big fucking problem with this

Where does the line of being confident end and being arrogant begin??

I'm not much of a confident person but i'd really like to be

If i went into my place of work strutting round like some peacock full of the world, that confidence or arrogance?

I think that would be arrogance? You can be quietly confident or assured. GDM is both confident and assured but not arrogant not when I've met him anyway

Maybe people who lack confidence try to cover it up with arrogance?

That's just it, some days i go in and think to hell with it i'm gonna be more chest out and confident, it could then be mistaken for arrogance so it's back to quiet and talking to nobody.

I don't think you need to be chest out strutting around, if you know that you are good at what you're doing and you don't have to hide it, if it's about just interacting with others in your workplace then it is probably more difficult. As I said in my job I have to be confident in my ability and enough to interact with people because it involve a lot of customer service. I struggle m0re with my staff because I come across as arrogant at times in pressured situation though I don't intend to it s just kicks in and seems necessary at the time, and they tell me if I'm being a dick and I appologise and behave properly (By arrogant I don't mean I become really twatish but I will let's say take over a task being done if a staff member is struggling and when they moan they don't need helpand tend to point out I am faster or better at it, which obviously is being arrogant towards that staff member)

 

[Ducado]

Most jobs I've had have required confidence but I wonder whether I am faking it because like others on here, certain social situations make me want to shrivel up and be invisible. Drink helps a lot and twice I was a compere for Xmas and New year hotel parties on Thailand. I had to introduce acts and get the guests to come on stage to play stupid games. Sober I couldn't have done it but the constant backstage swigging of Singha sure made it easier ( and fun)

There is no such thing as faking it it, you are either confident or you are not it's just a thought anyway, it depends which thought you want to hand on to

I feel as if i have an invisible barrier round me at times that stops me from wanting to do certain things, such as join in a conversation or just mingle.

You don't you just have a thought that you take seriously that somehow you think you are not good enough or some other self defeating thought, now I wonder what would happen if you ignored that thought?

 

[Dirty Harry]

One thing that has struck me over the years, is how men and women often view confidence in men in a slightly different light, I've seen too many instances where men will consider someone an arrogant fucker (and no not jealousy) and yet many women will see it as confidence, it's a strange one for sure.

GDMIAAC

 

[Beetle]

Confidence shown by a man or woman is sometimes attractive. She or he can look like the back end of a bus but if they have a GSOH and are confident in their own skin, that equals attractiv.

 

[BlueBearBoots]

Marilyn Monroe famously lacked confidence and suffered from low self esteem. I remember reading in one many biographies about her that she treated the "Marilyn" persona as separate from her real self to get over this. In one example given she was walking down a street with her assistant and nobody was paying her any attention. She was telling her assistant that until she "switched Marilyn on" she could be invisible. She then said watch I'll show you, she walked differently, the famous Marilyn wiggle, lifted her head up and smiled within minutes she was mobbed.

I think quite a lot of us have a persona we use to get over situations we lack confidence in

 

[the god Gerry Gow]

There is no such thing as faking it it, you are either confident or you are not it's just a thought anyway, it depends which thought you want to hand on to

I feel as if i have an invisible barrier round me at times that stops me from wanting to do certain things, such as join in a conversation or just mingle.

You don't you just have a thought that you take seriously that somehow you think you are not good enough or some other self defeating thought, now I wonder what would happen if you ignored that thought?

Sounds suspiciously like CBT treatment that

 

[Ducado]

I feel as if i have an invisible barrier round me at times that stops me from wanting to do certain things, such as join in a conversation or just mingle.

You don't you just have a thought that you take seriously that somehow you think you are not good enough or some other self defeating thought, now I wonder what would happen if you ignored that thought?

Sounds suspiciously like CBT treatment that

Completely the opposite, it's not about controlling you thoughts or changing them, it's impossible if you are human you will think, now which thoughts out of the many 1000 you have each day you decide to take seriously is up to you

 

[Shands]

I suppose I come across as quite confident (people who've met me feel free to comment on this) but I have to consciously make an effort when meeting new people. For instance I have to do quite a lot of corporate social stuff and beforehand I'm nervous to the point of feeling sick, sweaty palms the lot but once in there I just talk, ask questions of the people I'm with just get on with it. Other people just stay quiet or try to get out of this situation, is it just laziness and they say they are shy as an excuse?

You must've been in a situation where you are trying to make conversation and it's like pulling teeth? Is it shyness or just that they can't be bothered and were wishing they were elsewhere?

It's an interesting question that BBB.

I've always struggled quite considerably with a lack of confidence, right back to starting primary school and even before. It's always been the case, I can't think of a discernible reason why.

Despite that, I'm generally a pretty amiable individual, who though feeling shy often manages get on with new people fairly easily. I like to listen and ask questions, and that's usually effective enough to find common ground. There are occasions though where I find myself in the company of people I like, and may have even known for years, where I have a mental block and seem to lose all ability to think up even the most basic subjects to talk about. It's actually the opposite of not being bothered, I probably want to get on with them or be liked too much and I begin to no longer feel relaxed and lose the natural conversation skills I have. In instances like that I find a way to muddle through so that's it's not completely awkward for the other person, but it's a frustrating feeling none the less. It depends on the situation too though, generally I'm much better one to one than in a larger group setting.