Dads with split families.

I worked away in Wales for a few years, alongside a wise old engineer who had five grown up daughters. I remember him telling me one thing about my daughter, he said there will come a time when she starts to pull away from you, doesn’t want to do as much with you, prefers to be with friends etc. But, he said, just continue to be her dad, she will eventually come back to you, she will be a young woman, but she will come back. It isn’t easy letting them gain their independence, but keep to being her dad, she’ll return to you one day.
 
northmr8 said:
When I turned 13/14 I started to pull back from staying with my dad at weekends because I was a typical self absorbed teen and it meant I was missing out on doing things with friends. Now I look back and as an adult I hate myself when I think how that must have made my dad feel. But it just never would have occurred to me at the time. We have always had a great relationship and I cherish the time I spend with him now.

Things may go up and down over the years to come, but carry on being the best parent you can be and that is all you and she need
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My mum and dad split up when I was 16, I stayed living with dad but spent the next 5 years living in my bedroom as I guess most teenagers do. As a father myself now, I realise my dad could have done with me giving him some more of my time, he had a shit few years after the breakup and I could have helped a lot more.
 
bluetonium said:
My eldest turns thirteen next month. The past year has been really rough, she's determined to not be a child anymore, certainly not daddy's eldest superstar anymore, and as she grows up there are things that she naturally gravitates towards mum for. Her mum has become a bit of a feminist too in recent years, and it all contributes to an endorsed feeling of Dad no longer having a purpose or place. This summer holiday she's made it clear she'd rather stay in bed than do anything together with me and her sister, then Mum rocks up last night and out of the blue whisks her away to the theater on a whim making Dad look like a shitpile and Mum look like a superstar.

Neither her or her mum gets it, but there certainly is something to be said about the loss for a parent or father as their child grows up. Luckily I still have an eight year old who really appreciates the time with Dad, especially as older sister doesn't want to play as much any more.

I live in hope of her gaining some balance, some oversight, and showing a bit of appreciation here and there. But then I remember I was that age once too, and I could be a right git, so what goes around comes around I guess.
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They come back around again.
Mine both were similar at 13 or 14 .
It's horrible.
They're 21 and 23 now and we do loads together.
Mostly the pub and football
 
Children clearly aren’t for everyone. I’ve had uncle duties before and I couldn’t wait to hand him back.

I’ve no desire whatsoever to reproduce and I never will do.
 
bluetonium said:
My eldest turns thirteen next month. The past year has been really rough, she's determined to not be a child anymore, certainly not daddy's eldest superstar anymore, and as she grows up there are things that she naturally gravitates towards mum for. Her mum has become a bit of a feminist too in recent years, and it all contributes to an endorsed feeling of Dad no longer having a purpose or place. This summer holiday she's made it clear she'd rather stay in bed than do anything together with me and her sister, then Mum rocks up last night and out of the blue whisks her away to the theater on a whim making Dad look like a shitpile and Mum look like a superstar.

Neither her or her mum gets it, but there certainly is something to be said about the loss for a parent or father as their child grows up. Luckily I still have an eight year old who really appreciates the time with Dad, especially as older sister doesn't want to play as much any more.

I live in hope of her gaining some balance, some oversight, and showing a bit of appreciation here and there. But then I remember I was that age once too, and I could be a right git, so what goes around comes around I guess.
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it gets better I can assure you.

My sons now 11 and daughters 9. Just over 7 years now, still get them not wanting to go back to their mums
 
All you can do is what you are already doing. Just be present in her life as you already are. I split from my son’s mum when he was 5. It broke my heart at the time but I made sure that on the days I didn’t see him, I rang him. We have a great relationship and he is 30 now. Just carry on doing what you do.
 
Time sorts shit out.
Make her laugh at every opportunity you get, never ever stop doing that and
don’t discuss the shit with her mother with her.

I went through worse than this years ago, daughter is 29 now and we couldn’t be closer.
 
Thanks everyone, some proper sound advice and it's good to know (even if it's shit for the ones in the same boat if that makes sense?) that there are other decent Dad's who have the same.

I've got her into football and she loves playing and watching, so hoping she continues that. I coach her team too and she seems to like the fact I take part. She nagged me to do it.

I obviously can't reply to everyone individually, but I have read all your messages. There seems to be some rogue dust in my eye now.
 
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